Funny title today. I only took it because my Sis threw it in the works. Fall asleep at any job.
I laugh. I really do. Because I have the capability to fall asleep at any given time or place.. That is what she is throwing at me.
Honestly, due to my habits, I generally can fall asleep anywhere, where I m comfortable. My Wife will, and does, confirm this.
I am still doing the sleep study, that my doctor assigned... yes, I am thinking of the same things they are gonna get.... I am not trying to circumvent. I am trying to let, the record, read.
Scared about Diabetes - yes I am.
Scared about high blood pressure - yes I am.
Scared about any other anomalies that show up - YES I AM.
Some of you think it funny. Hell, I laughed at one time, too. I am still waiting results...
But I got fingers pointing already.. how fucked up is that?
I know I didn't father that kid.....and I know I wasn't with the one that claimed I was..... I have distinctive memory about that that....
I am irritated at people, that claim the wrong things... not just at the bar, but in life, in general.
PeacE
Tuesday, October 19
Sunday, October 17
Feelin' Groggy On A Sunday
While the wife is away at church with the boys, I figured I could drop a few lines here. Not much else is going on, and I'm tired of the porn clips. That was a a joke, RM.
Well, it's been a week since my Dr. visit. Things are progressing. I have been pretty good about cutting down on meal portions, and actually feel like I have lost weight, though have not weighed myself. I fear that even feeling this much better,there won't be any change....
I have my sleep study scheduled for this Thursday night. Thankfully, it isn't too far from home. I am just hoping I will be able to fall asleep there. I have some kind of subconscious thing that doesn't let me fall asleep if I am at a place that doesn't feel like home, unless I am trashed. I figured if I brought a book, I should do okay.
Other than that, I am just waiting for the blood test and x-ray results. Doc said he would mail them with a letter of explanation if things were normal. So, yeah, I am hoping to just get mail.
That's all I got for now... except this ear worm that's bugging me....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNy6ckNN7fo
PeacE
Well, it's been a week since my Dr. visit. Things are progressing. I have been pretty good about cutting down on meal portions, and actually feel like I have lost weight, though have not weighed myself. I fear that even feeling this much better,there won't be any change....
I have my sleep study scheduled for this Thursday night. Thankfully, it isn't too far from home. I am just hoping I will be able to fall asleep there. I have some kind of subconscious thing that doesn't let me fall asleep if I am at a place that doesn't feel like home, unless I am trashed. I figured if I brought a book, I should do okay.
Other than that, I am just waiting for the blood test and x-ray results. Doc said he would mail them with a letter of explanation if things were normal. So, yeah, I am hoping to just get mail.
That's all I got for now... except this ear worm that's bugging me....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNy6ckNN7fo
PeacE
Friday, October 15
Things Are Looking Good
It is very early on a Friday. Only because, yes, I am home at an early hour from the bar on a Thursday night. I was good. For me, anyways. Did not imbibe as much. I was trying to do my best not to do so. Unfortunately, along with that, the not imbibing so much, I tend to hear more of the drama there... which I want no part of. Luckily, I played it, like I was shit faced again, and when asked, I was like" Huh?"
Safe answers at a bar. Maybe a file should be started. Nah. Them people, yeah, they ain't worth it. Really. Not the ones at this bar anyways. Then again, I am not born-again, either way, I don't think they wanna hear a "witnessing". (shrug) Sorry RM, sometimes it is not the best place.
Either way, it doesn't matter at this moment.
I have spent the last couple days doing some one on one with my boys - the 3 kids I have left at home. This week they are a Fall Break for a week. Today I finished up with the 2nd son. I have had an enjoyable time, playing some WoW together, and a little bit of dad-son time. I have not been as good a father as I want to be, and I am trying to change that... this has helped a bit I think. Got to listen to gripes/complaints/bitches, more than I could if Mom were home. At the same time, I supported Mom (and myself) as to why sometimes things were that way. The older boys seemed to understand, and we'll find out over the next couple weeks if it all 'comes together'. If we gotta do the time again we can, but it was nice, they bitched, I explained, and admitted my faults in the same process. They relished that, yes, I, too, have not put priorities in the right order. But accepted, that by me doing that, things were expected of all of us, not just me, but they have to hold their end too. They were cool about it.
Tomorrow is Friday. I have the youngest for the day. He's 4 and honestly, I am a bit lost. He can maneuver around the computer desktop like a pro, get to Bored.com, pick his game, and play it, then pick another, with no help. He is 4. Computer is like his 2nd home. I know this is a factor nowadays because the technological life we live in, but ... HEY! He's 4! By the time he is 10, he'll prolly be re-writing my programs, and how the hell am I gonna hide some stuff from him?
Oh wait, you ask, what would I hide? (sigh) Works in progress. Sounds like I "May" be a writer. I dunno. But I don't like anyone seeing it before I share. My Wife doesn't search. She asks every now and then... I heard the tapping, did you do good? I grunt and say, ok. Cuz half the tapping, it more than likely wasn't on the work I wanted, it was prolly updates on FB or some other crap.
Okay, enough of this tonight. It is late, I need some sleep. The 4 year old can be demanding, though I think tomorrow, we will be just fine.
PeacE
Safe answers at a bar. Maybe a file should be started. Nah. Them people, yeah, they ain't worth it. Really. Not the ones at this bar anyways. Then again, I am not born-again, either way, I don't think they wanna hear a "witnessing". (shrug) Sorry RM, sometimes it is not the best place.
Either way, it doesn't matter at this moment.
I have spent the last couple days doing some one on one with my boys - the 3 kids I have left at home. This week they are a Fall Break for a week. Today I finished up with the 2nd son. I have had an enjoyable time, playing some WoW together, and a little bit of dad-son time. I have not been as good a father as I want to be, and I am trying to change that... this has helped a bit I think. Got to listen to gripes/complaints/bitches, more than I could if Mom were home. At the same time, I supported Mom (and myself) as to why sometimes things were that way. The older boys seemed to understand, and we'll find out over the next couple weeks if it all 'comes together'. If we gotta do the time again we can, but it was nice, they bitched, I explained, and admitted my faults in the same process. They relished that, yes, I, too, have not put priorities in the right order. But accepted, that by me doing that, things were expected of all of us, not just me, but they have to hold their end too. They were cool about it.
Tomorrow is Friday. I have the youngest for the day. He's 4 and honestly, I am a bit lost. He can maneuver around the computer desktop like a pro, get to Bored.com, pick his game, and play it, then pick another, with no help. He is 4. Computer is like his 2nd home. I know this is a factor nowadays because the technological life we live in, but ... HEY! He's 4! By the time he is 10, he'll prolly be re-writing my programs, and how the hell am I gonna hide some stuff from him?
Oh wait, you ask, what would I hide? (sigh) Works in progress. Sounds like I "May" be a writer. I dunno. But I don't like anyone seeing it before I share. My Wife doesn't search. She asks every now and then... I heard the tapping, did you do good? I grunt and say, ok. Cuz half the tapping, it more than likely wasn't on the work I wanted, it was prolly updates on FB or some other crap.
Okay, enough of this tonight. It is late, I need some sleep. The 4 year old can be demanding, though I think tomorrow, we will be just fine.
PeacE
Wednesday, October 13
Back to Feeling Okay
Yeah, that whole Monday post didn't turn out so hot. I still ended up going out that night, and imbibing a few too many. I wasn't worth shit yesterday. Probably didn't matter, as Warcraft was doing a patch, and was down all day anyways.
So here we are on Wednesday. My boys are out of school this week, so I am thinking about having one of them stay home today with me. Not only does it give me some 1-on-1 time, it helps keep me from doing stupid shit, like going to the bar. I think I will start with the oldest, so I guess I should think of some ideas for us to do.
Nothing else exciting going on. Waiting to hear from the sleep study people, so I can get that done. Will probably be another week before I hear from thh doc on the blood test and x-ray results. In the meantime, I am just plodding along. Dinner last night was good, and I was able to keep myself to one decent served portion. I still felt hungry afterwards, but not as much. Though, I did drink quite a bit of water throughout the day. and that may have helped.
Thinking about running to the store for snacks... Maybe, maybe not.
PeacE
So here we are on Wednesday. My boys are out of school this week, so I am thinking about having one of them stay home today with me. Not only does it give me some 1-on-1 time, it helps keep me from doing stupid shit, like going to the bar. I think I will start with the oldest, so I guess I should think of some ideas for us to do.
Nothing else exciting going on. Waiting to hear from the sleep study people, so I can get that done. Will probably be another week before I hear from thh doc on the blood test and x-ray results. In the meantime, I am just plodding along. Dinner last night was good, and I was able to keep myself to one decent served portion. I still felt hungry afterwards, but not as much. Though, I did drink quite a bit of water throughout the day. and that may have helped.
Thinking about running to the store for snacks... Maybe, maybe not.
PeacE
Monday, October 11
Through a Difficult Weekend
Whew! It's Monday! I know most of you don't choose that type of way to describe these mornings that signal a return to work for the masses. I am, at least this week, greeting it with a hearty WHEW!
Not like my weekend was overly busy.... but for the simple things I had to fight against. Trying to start out on a good foot so to speak, following that Friday Dr. visit. Though I will admit Saturday night, out to dinner with family, I STUFFED myself. I mean, I ate til I could eat no more. Even if it was only the never-ending salad at Olive Garden, I took perverse pleasure knowing most of it was good for me, and ok to eat as much as I wanted. Well, compared to me eating the never-ending pasta bowl (which really looked good too). More greens, fiber, etc versus carbs (pasta), greasy sausages (mmmm).... (sigh). Good thing I really enjoy the salad dressing at Olive Garden. In fact, I will have to get some salad here at home. Forgot I had received a bottle as a gift from RM of the stuff.
So that doesn't sound too bad.... mentally battling over healthy salad versus very delicious, and mouth-watering pasta with sausage. Sunday was my harder day. I had to get through the day without heading out to the bar. I swear, like 7 different times throughout the day I just wanted to up and leave, go have a few beers (which would turn into a few more). I had awoken at like 5am that morn, and ended up taking like 3 naps throughout the day to help curb the thoughts. And I was hungry on top of that! Wife brought home come Chinese for lunch, and I had TV dinner for supper. But I wanted more. I mean, I am working portion sizes here at the beginning before I worry about type of intake.
SO yeah! WHEW! Not that anything is going to change. Today will be another day I try not to go to the bar. That I try to keep my meal intake to a bit smaller portion than normal. In fact, I am thinking of going to the store and picking up some stuff for snacks. Doc said that is good. Healthy snacks help keep the body aware I ain't starving it, especially in cutting portion sizes. So figured some cucumbers (like them just cold and sliced), some lettuce - though I may opt for the pre-mixed salad so I don't have to waste time making it. I am not sure what else. I will do my best to avoid the Lil Debbie area (oh I love them oatmeal cookies and the cakes!).
Welp, Wife is up to start getting ready for work. I should get my stuff together to get going as well. I have a half-ass made list of stuff that needs to get done/picked up this week, preferably today.
PeacE
Not like my weekend was overly busy.... but for the simple things I had to fight against. Trying to start out on a good foot so to speak, following that Friday Dr. visit. Though I will admit Saturday night, out to dinner with family, I STUFFED myself. I mean, I ate til I could eat no more. Even if it was only the never-ending salad at Olive Garden, I took perverse pleasure knowing most of it was good for me, and ok to eat as much as I wanted. Well, compared to me eating the never-ending pasta bowl (which really looked good too). More greens, fiber, etc versus carbs (pasta), greasy sausages (mmmm).... (sigh). Good thing I really enjoy the salad dressing at Olive Garden. In fact, I will have to get some salad here at home. Forgot I had received a bottle as a gift from RM of the stuff.
So that doesn't sound too bad.... mentally battling over healthy salad versus very delicious, and mouth-watering pasta with sausage. Sunday was my harder day. I had to get through the day without heading out to the bar. I swear, like 7 different times throughout the day I just wanted to up and leave, go have a few beers (which would turn into a few more). I had awoken at like 5am that morn, and ended up taking like 3 naps throughout the day to help curb the thoughts. And I was hungry on top of that! Wife brought home come Chinese for lunch, and I had TV dinner for supper. But I wanted more. I mean, I am working portion sizes here at the beginning before I worry about type of intake.
SO yeah! WHEW! Not that anything is going to change. Today will be another day I try not to go to the bar. That I try to keep my meal intake to a bit smaller portion than normal. In fact, I am thinking of going to the store and picking up some stuff for snacks. Doc said that is good. Healthy snacks help keep the body aware I ain't starving it, especially in cutting portion sizes. So figured some cucumbers (like them just cold and sliced), some lettuce - though I may opt for the pre-mixed salad so I don't have to waste time making it. I am not sure what else. I will do my best to avoid the Lil Debbie area (oh I love them oatmeal cookies and the cakes!).
Welp, Wife is up to start getting ready for work. I should get my stuff together to get going as well. I have a half-ass made list of stuff that needs to get done/picked up this week, preferably today.
PeacE
Friday, October 8
After the Visit
So I met my doc today. He's the son of the one I saw 15-20 years ago. Weird how that worked out....
Anyways, things went pretty much how I expected. Weight, smoking, drinking - all key issues we discussed.
No prostrate gland check, no finger in the ass... never had to drop my drawers. We did some talking about that, too. Since I don't have family history, and no 'obvious' problems with that area, they normally don't routine check until about 45 (6 years yet WOO!).
Weight was something we talked about alot. I got much of it to lose. At weigh-in, I was surprised at the number. I had thought I was doing better than normal the past 3-4 weeks....but obviously, if I was, I was way behind what I thought.
Need less to say, my blogs may be a bit hormonal.... or, if you prefer, me moaning like a whore cuz I can't eat what I wanna, and get tired of the healthy shit I should be eating.
Blood was drawn. And an X-ray to follow for my chest on Monday. Then I wait to hear from the doc with results.
In the meantime, my wife will be doing her best to feed me right, and still have the kids eat what we are, and keeping me outta the bar!
PeacE
Anyways, things went pretty much how I expected. Weight, smoking, drinking - all key issues we discussed.
No prostrate gland check, no finger in the ass... never had to drop my drawers. We did some talking about that, too. Since I don't have family history, and no 'obvious' problems with that area, they normally don't routine check until about 45 (6 years yet WOO!).
Weight was something we talked about alot. I got much of it to lose. At weigh-in, I was surprised at the number. I had thought I was doing better than normal the past 3-4 weeks....but obviously, if I was, I was way behind what I thought.
Need less to say, my blogs may be a bit hormonal.... or, if you prefer, me moaning like a whore cuz I can't eat what I wanna, and get tired of the healthy shit I should be eating.
Blood was drawn. And an X-ray to follow for my chest on Monday. Then I wait to hear from the doc with results.
In the meantime, my wife will be doing her best to feed me right, and still have the kids eat what we are, and keeping me outta the bar!
PeacE
Today is the Big Day
I don't think I have ever looked forward to being told that I am fat, an alcoholic, and you can fix those things - but yer still ugly. Okay, well 2 out of 3 aren't bad.
This morning I am off to my doctor for that dreaded visit. I feel I am prepared: Freshly showered and sanitized appropriately; Insurance info; Kindle to read while waiting; oh, and a sample package of Isagenix. My Sis sells those, and is trying to get me to ask the doctor about if I should use them as a supplement in dieting. Though I cannot afford it, and have no interest in it. Figure I would at least ask for her.
So, as I sit here, wayyyy to early, and my sphincter tightens up... Nothing else exciting is happening. The daughter will be planning on being back up from college tonight for her HS homecoming. We have dinner out tomorrow for her birthday.
Oh, here's some regular messed up news for me.... the van had it's engine light come on yesterday. So Monday I will be taking it in to have something else checked and fixed. The Wife mentioned the brakes were starting to make noise too. Maybe it is all related?
So Tuesday was a crazy day. Had one hell of a hail storm come through my area. Bad enough I was worried about windows and vehicles, but everything made it through ok. Tons of rain, that we are not used to here in the desert. The hail shredded the foliage on the trees out front and covered the ground well enough, like fresh snow cover. About 4 inches deep against the house....
Okay, maybe I will update later after the dr, and after my cry session.
PeacE
This morning I am off to my doctor for that dreaded visit. I feel I am prepared: Freshly showered and sanitized appropriately; Insurance info; Kindle to read while waiting; oh, and a sample package of Isagenix. My Sis sells those, and is trying to get me to ask the doctor about if I should use them as a supplement in dieting. Though I cannot afford it, and have no interest in it. Figure I would at least ask for her.
So, as I sit here, wayyyy to early, and my sphincter tightens up... Nothing else exciting is happening. The daughter will be planning on being back up from college tonight for her HS homecoming. We have dinner out tomorrow for her birthday.
Oh, here's some regular messed up news for me.... the van had it's engine light come on yesterday. So Monday I will be taking it in to have something else checked and fixed. The Wife mentioned the brakes were starting to make noise too. Maybe it is all related?
So Tuesday was a crazy day. Had one hell of a hail storm come through my area. Bad enough I was worried about windows and vehicles, but everything made it through ok. Tons of rain, that we are not used to here in the desert. The hail shredded the foliage on the trees out front and covered the ground well enough, like fresh snow cover. About 4 inches deep against the house....
Okay, maybe I will update later after the dr, and after my cry session.
PeacE
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)