Proverbs 16:18-19

 I'm 'off-schedule' a bit this morning. When the alarm went off at 7am, I was still feeling sleepy tired, so laid there in bed. I dozed off (as expected) but woke after about 20 minutes. Then I decided it was time to get up. I feel more awake than I did without that cat nap, and hoping it carries through the day, not getting so tired like I have been lately.

Today's post title is somewhat intentional, yet, unintentional at the same time. How can it be both? Well, while doing my quiet time this morning I read chapter 3 of 'Restore' and as one of the things that I do, is grab my Bible, whisper a prayer to guide me with the Word, then open it randomly. That's no way to study the Bible! Well, I'm not studying it (at this time) I am just looking for some small bit that points me in the direction I need to go that day. It could be a fault I need to work on, it could be better worship habits, etc. Today's excursion took me to this verse selection from Proverbs (I read all of chapter 16 and these stood out). There is even a story attached to it.

If you don't know, several months ago I had some issues with the Director of my VFW Riders Chapter. Basically it was my (and other members) dissatisfaction from this Director's way of wanting to do things, and several of them were definitely out of procedural order, or the process the VFW uses to process, etc. I felt a little bad about it, but I had gone to our Post Commander and explained my concerns. After a couple months, the Director stepped down (to our relief) due to "personal reasons". He is currently still a member of our Chapter, and offers up some good advice and ideas, which I do listen to. It was all about how he wanted to do things that I disagreed with.

Last night was our scheduled Riders meeting. Things went fine. After the meeting, he approaches me, and we start talking about some of the flyers he sends me to forward to everyone. Mostly different rides around the Valley. I only send out certain ones (usually because of the charity). Then he mentions that he contacted J.M. (President of AZ Riders) and invited him to come to our next meeting at the Post. I turned and faced him. To make sure there was no mistake, I made eye contact. "M. though I like the idea, and your initiative to 'get it done', you are NOT the Director, and therefore should not be making official requests without approval from Leadership, mainly my self and the current Director. This is in regards to ANY communications, of an official capacity. IF you are friends just chatting about the status of the Riders, or ideas that would be nice - fine. But this is not that, and I request that you reach out to us with the idea, and we may have you be the contact."

His mouth dropped open. "Kapish?" I asked. He stood there flapping his gob with no sound, then grudgingly said he understood, and that I was right. At that exact moment, I felt some disappointment, more that I should have to chastise a person that should know this stuff, yet continues to bypass as he sees fit. On my way home a short bit later, I realized more of what had happened, and I got a bit giddy. I put him in his place! I actually 'shut him up'! It's about time he got his hand slapped for going overboard! All these type of thoughts were rolling across my mind.

Getting ready for bed last night, I shared with the Wife what had happened. I even admitted that I know it was wrong to feel the Pride I did in this encounter. I wanted to brag! I wanted people that know what has been going on, know about it. It'll be, 'Remember back when Ralph set that guy straight?!' I told the Wife I felt prideful, and I know it is wrong to be that way, but it is still there. She had no advice for me. SO this morning I have placed this issue before God. I'll not speak of it again, except to share with the current Director, so he is informed of the possible visit, as well as what happened.

    "Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before the fall. Better to be of a humble spirit with the lonely than to divide the spoil with the Proud."

Okay, I am out of here. I do have a draining tomorrow, as well as a drug test (found out this morning). I wonder if 2 weeks is long enough to show 0 for  nicotine....

PeacE

A Nice Weekend ...

 ... was had by myself. I don't include anyone else in it, as it is my feelings and I am not forcing everyone else to believe they had a nice weekend just because they were doing similar things as I. I spent a couple hours Saturday morning with my meetings. I have been invited to a non-regular luncheon for Thursday with my AA Home Group. It is supposed to be about 10 people or so, but I think that list has grown some more. I'm not worried. I have been meeting with many of these people for a few months now. Plus, it is at Valle Luna over on Cave Creek. Who doesn't like some good Mexican food? I did realize last night though, that I would miss the Mayo Transplant support group due to the timing of the luncheon. Oh well. Sometimes being with people 'in person' is better.

I blew off the Agenda yesterday, so that means I need to get it done this morning. I will work on it as soon as I am done here. I don't think there will be much to add/change, so shouldn't take long.

Hmmm. I can't seem to come up with anything I need to write about, so I'll just leave this here.

PeacE

Staying Focused

 Things are 'off' this morning. Actually, it has been most of this last week. I have been becoming sleepy at odd times, even when I feel I slept good the night before. Most days it starts about 5pm, but some days it has been random through the day. I try not to take a nap so that I will sleep good that evening, but my body disagrees. I will nod off - in my office chair, on the bed, whatever. I went to the Post last night, thinking of hanging with friends. I was feeling this sleepy feeling. While sitting at the bar, playing a game on my tablet, I nodded off - twice. I decided it was time to go home. My friends hadn't shown up anyways. I did go to bed about an hour earlier than normal, and feel well rested this morning, just mentally foggy. 

It could be the HE (Hepatic Encephalopathy) might be increasing a bit since the ascites has - which could mean the meds I take for that may need to be adjusted. My guess is they will just wait until after the TIPS Procedure, because that is supposed to affect this and more. Good or bad, won't know until it happens, but usually most are good (from what I was told, and heard from others). That's still about three weeks out ... Glad my next Para isn't. I am bloated up big again this week already, and with them only being allowed to drain 10L, I know there will be fluid left again. Oh Lord I pray that the TIPS will work and drastically cut down on the ascites build-up.

Heard some bad news from my little Sissy the other night. She is 12 years younger than I, and everyone (including her I think) were surprised when she ended up pregnant a few months ago. She is 42ish, and our first concerning thought was the age factor and delivering/having a baby. Technology has advanced enough, that 42 shouldn't be bad, as long as everyone stays healthy. Well, Friday they found out she had miscarried. Yesterday, they went to Indianapolis to have the D&C done, because the baby was that far along. I cannot imagine how she feels, but I know I am grieving. I was happily telling RM on Friday during our visit that I was proud to be an Uncle again... I don't know the whole name they had picked out, but we knew it was going to be a girl, and her first name was going to be River.

Today is ... Day 11? of no smoking. I'm starting to lose track of the day count as we go along. Still getting urges, especially around areas where I used to smoke. Last night, I vaguely remembering having a dream/vision of smoking (more than I did in real life) and it was okay to do so even with my liver issues. I was like a comic character with the cigar stub in the corner of the mouth, and like 6 cigarettes in different phases of being smoked in the rest of the mouth, giving some kind of evil grin. No idea what brought that on, but I remember it.

I'm a bit worried about RM this morning. I guess Friday her vehicle wouldn't start. From her description, and even her deduction, it was the battery, and it needed to be charged. The Youngest has this issue with his car occasionally because he doesn't get out and drive much, or start/run it for a bit every few days. Either way, as RM took it to the repair place they go, she noticed her A/C wasn't working either. Time goes on, they go back to pick it up, and the A/C still is not working. I guess she has to take it back in on Monday and leave it for them to figure it out. Weird that it would suddenly quit working with a battery issue. But I am worried about her, as any driving that now needs to be done, will be PT, and even RM mentioned just the drive to the services for a friend that passed, she was terrified by his driving. Prayers to her these next few days until she gets her car back. She is already thinking of ways to get stuff done, but without the need for PT to drive them. Like probably watching their church service on youtoob, versus actually going. Stay strong RM!!

The only thing I really need to complete today is the agenda for the Riders meeting tomorrow. From what I remember from last month, there won't be much on there, so shouldn't take long. Then I'll have to find things to keep my entertained. When I finish this, I'll be grabbing up my book and reading some of it, and spend a little time with God. Probably do my Home AA group at 11am. More than likely it will be a video game in there too. 

PeacE

Let's See What Falls Out of my Gob today ...

 Yesterday I woke about 45 minutes before my alarm went off. I went ahead and got up, as I had plans that morning, and I might as well get things done. Around 7:30 I headed to the City of Sin to visit RM while PT was out of the house. I always enjoy sitting down and catching up with Mom, even though most of the major daily events we share through our blogs, but here we have time to talk in more detail about things happening. We chatted and I drank my iced tea (I love Mom has tea for me seemingly all the time). Around 11:00 or so, PT stumbled home (almost literally) and I visited just a little more. By then Mom and I had moved to the kitchen (from her "work room") and she was making some cookies (oatmeal raisin). Of course we each got a warm one from the first batch, and it was so nice and gooey! I finally excused myself near noon, as I had set the groceries to be picked up between 12-1.

Swung through El Pollo Loco for lunch. I love their queso guac chicken burrito, and the Youngest likes their new loaded queso chicken quesadilla. And a large horchata drink for me. Unloaded all but the soda I bought, and decided I had a couple hours or so before I needed to start dinner. Then I played video games. Around 4pm I started up the makings for baked ziti in the crockpot. By 7:30, it was ready for the last 30 minutes of cooking (where I add the pasta and cheese) and I did. It was SO. GOOD. Everyone liked it, said to keep it for future easy dinners. I'll send over the recipe to RM this morning, as she stated she loves baked ziti, and let her know of any changes/substitutions I used.

Nothing much to do this weekend. I need to work on the Riders agenda tomorrow, for Monday's meeting. I have a couple hours this morning to hit up both my AA groups online. Then it will be video games, I am sure. I shared a post on FB to my Wife that the discount grocery we like to shop at has 'restocked the freezers' and one picture showed many bags of Sonic tater tots. I jokingly threw out that I love Sonic's tots, and we should get some. The Middle Son's girlfriend made a comment she would be up for going along with us to the grocery, bringing along Doc, the grandson, if we were willing to pick her up. It would give the Son some extra time to sleep (he works nights). I did verify that the Wife saw it, but do not know what she will want to do today. I'm all for letting her go with the girlfriend, but I do want to see my grandson. Decisions, decisions.

I finished up 'Day One' in my new book. The last couple pages were a bit repetitive to me, as it talks about 'naming our demons' (admitting our faults) which is Step 1 in the AA program. This book may contain many similarities, as it seems many times, this 12-step program layout works very well. I'll just grit my teeth and move along, even if I feel I've read a section before (from the AA Big Book) because if I just learn one thing in this reading, that will help my relationship with God, it will be worth it.

Heavy thoughts this morning.... I need to finish up my "quiet time" and get a couple emails sent this morning before the meetings. Y'all have a good one!

PeacE

I'll Do What I Want ...

 .. used to be my attitude over a year ago. Whether it was going to the store, or going to the bar, or what excuse am I using this time to get out to drink. I see what a narcissist I used to be. Controlling, demanding, 'me-first'... That has all been changing this past 10 months, and I have not heard one complaint about it. Sure, I don't see people I once hung out with daily, but at the same time, I am not tempted by drink. Plus, if they were true friends they would understand and support me through this journey.

Sigh. Just felt I had to get that off my chest.

RM shared yesterday about their jaunt down to see PT's doctor. I, of course, shared with the Wife, who, like me, found it somewhat funny in a non-laughing way. Honestly, there isn't much to say, or laugh, about the situation. I have used a cane for years, originally for my knees and back pains, but with the large weight-loss, and other medical, it is more for balance now. I don't know why, or how, someone could be so prideful as to NOT want to prevent falls, just because using a cane, or in this case a walker, under doctor's orders. PT just doesn't want to be seen as old, even though he is 89. <shaking head> I just don't get it.

I'm up a little early this morning. Not like last night - but still early. I was laying in bed in that 'comfy zone' just slowly going over some things in my head. The Wife's alarm went off, and I decided I might as well get up. I need to move up my morning routine, as I am headed to Sin City, I mean Sun City, to visit with RM this morning. It's a morning of the week PT is out of the house to as late as 11:30am. I don't know how busy she may be for work, but I texted her last night I was "thinking" of coming by this morning (pre-warning) and RM replied 'Yea! Keep thinking'. I took it to mean yes, still plan on coming by, but thought this morning it could have been sarcastic (my Mother? Never!) like saying "as if". I did put a timer on my visit. I do have a pick-up at Fry's today near my house for between 12-1pm.

It is a Friday night. The Youngest has made supper the past couple of nights, which is always good tasting and very much appreciated. I have been slacking, and not keeping up with my personal goal of doing at least one supper per week, to help a bit. So, yesterday I spent a couple hours looking around the interwebz for recipes for the crockpot and came across a few good ones. Out of those, I singled it down to one for tonight, then ordered the groceries I would need for it. Going to try a baked ziti.

Nothing on the calendar this weekend. I do need to get the Riders Agenda done and sent out. Our meeting is Monday night, then I'm done with meetings until next month. I added three more paracentesis appointments through 8/19 for now, and will see how the TIPS Works after that date. I may set more appts in a couple weeks, just in case I need them.

Okay, I need to do a couple more things before getting on the drive to visit RM...

PeacE

Talk About Being Up Early ...

 Mr. Bladder woke me at 1:05am this morning. This is a normal occurrence, at least the getting up a couple times in the night. But today is a bit different.

Having the Para yesterday does wear me out a bit, and last night, as we were doing pre-bed routine (which means me on my tablet playing a game or two) I started nodding off a bit early. I gave up fighting it and crashed - and woke at 1am wide awake. I figure if I watch an hour or so of dumb videos or something, I'll get tired again (which I will at any point) and then return to bed. Overall, right now I feel a bit worn out still, but otherwise fine.

I try to update the people that need to know, about my medical stuff. Usually it just a quick test to my family chat group, and to my Sister, Brother and RM chat group. Just quick things like yesterday's paracentesis - how much drained, my weight, etc. I think it was back in December or so, That RM mentioned my Uncle L (her side of the family) had been asking about how I was doing, and I decided to create a basic document that I add updates to about monthly. This I send out to other family (more distant family (uncles/aunts, etc.) after thinking about it. Aside from my blog here, I don't share on any social platform my medical stuff. I figure I will tell who needs to know, and who don't need to know, well, the are SOL. My point is, this morning (already!) I had a reply from my Uncle L (whom I email the updates at RM's request) just saying they are thinking good thoughts for me, and are behind me in this stage of my life. It was kind of just a generic one-liner, but coming from him, it meant a bit more. We were never 'close' as I grew up - living with my Dad prevented a lot of that with RM's family. So even despite that 'gap' he has always inquired after us kids when he talks to RM. Don't know where I am going with this now, but just know it was sort of touching for me. I gave a quick reply to acknowledge it, that he will probably see in just a couple hours (he's back in Indiana).

Need to call today and set a couple more Para appointments to cover the time before getting the TIPS done. Next week, or the week after, I'll call for 2-3 weeks appointments after the TIPS, just in case it isn't working as well. It will take a bit of time to see any changes that are going to last. Here's hoping for the scenario where I don't have to do Paras at all! But I ain't holding my breath. It's one of those Serenity Prayer things - like many other things right now. 'Accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference'. 

Okay, well, I ran out of anything in my head to ramble about, so have a nice day.

PeacE

Pre-Warning: It's Loaded and Ready to Fire!

 Since last year ... around July I think it was, I started getting an umbilical hernia. Yep. Just like it sounds. A type of hernia at the 'belly button'. In my case, it was a result of the build-up of ascites in my abdomen (before I found out). Well, over the last year this hernia has gotten slightly larger. It protrudes like a bubble right at the umbilical site. Currently, it has gotten to where if I cup my palm, and lay over the hernia, it fills my hand. I did see a specialist about it back in October. He said it is nothing to majorly worry about. Since I was having liver issues, that when they do a transplant, they are easily able to fix 'while they are in there'. There is no fluid seepage, and no pain, so no emergency to treat it. I'm okay with that, expect now it is like a stubby cannon ready to fire - like those fire hoses on the river boats for the Fire Dept.

Well, speaking of fluid build-up, it is Para Time again today. I got the primo time of 9am this morning. I feel like we are going to hit that 10L max drain limit, and leave fluid in there again ... but I am so uncomfortable right now. I mentioned to the Wife last night that I am actually anxious - excited anxious, not the worry one - to get the TIPS done. IF it is able to help this issue ....

One of the books I ordered finally arrived yesterday. It is 'Restore' by Vince Antonucci. RM has just finished it, or is near the end, and has shared some days with references to this book. It looks like a 30 day devotional (and it may be) but not having started it yet, depending on the length of the chapters, I may do one, or split it. Either way, reading the cover synopsis, and the chapter list has me excited to start it. I have a little time before I leave for my Para, so I am going to read now.

Okay, I am back! Just home from the hospital getting the Para. Drained 10L, left some fluid. Seems this is going to be the weekly thing now until I do the TIPS procedure 8/13. So I am feeling a bit drained (see what I did there?) and tired. Always am after these for a day or two. No other big news to share.

I started on 'Restore', and I admit, at the beginning it is a bit hard to put down. Almost done with Day One, and I had to stop for the appointment. Maybe I won't do it as a devotional, but just read and make notes daily.

And that's all I got. I need to eat my lunch from El Pollo Loco!

PeacE

Sometimes, Being an Kid is *NOT* Fun ...

 ... as you read that title, I am sure y'all thinking I messed it up. It's supposed to 'adulting ain't fun'. But I had to change it to fit my situation. I would much rather be out working a job, then having to figure out what to do with myself all day. Video games get tiring, and I am able to only read so much right now. I get social interaction at meetings (generally at the VFW). I have been trying to NOT drive round as much, preparing myself for when I hand my keys over (for a temporary time). But all said and done, by the end of the day, I am still just tired.

I felt almost like I had every single doctor I have seen regarding my liver, or their office, called yesterday. First was me calling Mayo as they had left a message about scheduling some lab work. Seems they had me as 'Missed' on 6/24 for the Urine Sample. I explained what happened (blood draw on floor 6, urine on 1? Then back to 6? No, the gal that drew the blood had me do the urine sample). They were going to follow up on their end.

AZ Liver called - the "specialist" that referred me to Mayo. That office wanted me to schedule some lab work to come in and let them draw blood. I said no. I explained to the gal that that Dr. had told me, and I quote, "Now that Mayo is involved, we will let them handle things". If you want results from a lab, call Mayo. I have authorized release of that information for all the doctor's involved. They were to 'let him know' and I have yet to be called back.

Banner Hospital called. This is my usual one that is nothing more than a waste of time. They were calling to go over the information in my file (insurance, address, ER contacts) even though I just did in person and by phone every prior week. This time it was for the two Paras I have scheduled this week and next. I explained to her, that my eligibility, out of pocket, deductible with my insurance was all met (she would see if she looked I just verified ((AGAIN)) a week ago. I am on a payment plan for the hospital balance (almost down to $0 finally). I am current with all info they need. As usual, I was put on hold while they 'ran my insurance to prepare an estimated patient cost, and when she came back, I got the same thing as always - I am unable to check with your insurance right now, May we call you later once we verify. I told her, don't bother calling. I know where it is and the status. Update your records as you feel you need, but don't call me back as it is a waste of time for both of us. Then I asked her, In the past 6-7 months that I have been in the hospital darn near weekly, could it happen that your department calling me (almost every week) it is always someone different. Is your department that big, or is the turnover rate that high. She couldn't answer me, but she said she would note that. I expect to hear from them again in two weeks.

It wasn't yesterday, but here recently, I found out my PCP is leaving NOAH. This is a neighborhood outreach clinic I have been going to for several years now. This is the 4th physician I have been through at this location. So my appointment pre-scheduled for October (for the last Hep A and Hep B shots) needed to be cancelled and an appointment made sooner, just so I could meet the "new" doctor that I will be assigned to. Okay, I got that. I did schedule an appt for late September. I also told them they better keep the one in October, as it has been planned for at least 2-3 months now. Who knows what they have done, and I am leery of checking my patient portal with them for scheduled appointments.

Well, now I have wasted at least a couple minutes of your time with my medical blues, and I have no funny incident to share. Had a "storm" come through last night. Lots of wind and dust. I hate that they call it a 'haboob' here in AZ. That is a huge desert storm, not the wall of dust that blows into the Valley. Oh man, I'll be sneezing and crap now for a few days - thanks allergies.

PeacE

One Of Us Ain't Smart ...

 I am a little tired this morning. Seems like I was up at least five (maybe more) times during the night to go to the potty. No sitting down, but the liquid drainage ... I don't get how sometimes the meds just like kick into overdrive and work. I peed. I peed again. And again, and again. And who knows how many times in all. I remember thinking during one episode of standing there, draining, that the sleep function on this smart ring is going to show my schedule as all mixed up being up so many times during the night. Nope. It says I had a 97% optimal night. On the visual graph, it does show some shifting from deep to light cycles that were frequent and close together. Maybe that was the bathroom trips? Either way, it says I slept good, but here I am feeling tired.

I think I mentioned in the past couple days that my calendar this week is pretty open. I only have a birthday on it, and my VFW Aux meeting. I do need to call Mayo here in a bit. Friday late in the day they sent a message through the portal, saying something about needing labs done ( I already did the 'monthly' recently) and I needed to schedule. Usually they just schedule them and I concur. So is this a tox screen (I'm about due this month) where generally they send me the Dr's orders, and I can go to a separate lab facility. I don't know. Replies weren't allowed to that message (idiots) so now I have to call. On a Monday morning. At 8am. Wonder how long I will be on hold ...

Today is Day 5 of no cigarettes. Most of the urge has gone. I did have a slight craving yesterday afternoon, as I felt like having one while taking a quick break from my video game I was playing. But easily distracted from the thoughts. Been coughing a bit more, with phlegm occasionally coming up. I am sure it is the lungs and esophagus getting rid of 'crap' from smoking. It should stop in a few days, according to what I read. It may be early, and I don't want to jinx myself, but I think I got this one beat now as well. 

RM is securing multiple lunch dates with me, it seems. If you read her blog, you'll know she is someone that loves to give. She will go out and buy it (within reason) if she knows you need/want it, just to bring a person some happiness. Sometimes it is stuff one never mentioned. Well, lately, I have been the recipient of some things. There was a 4-pack of shorts with a gym-type adjustable waist, that look like cargo shorts. I don't know why she got them (PT? But he didn't care for them?) but I said I would try them. They fit good, and are wonderful when I go in for my Paras. No suspenders/straps/belts to deal with. She always sends some veggies home with the Wife when she does her Farmer's market thing. Knowing I like to make pickles every now and then, Friday she gifted me a lid sealer for jars. Said she got two of them before asking me if I could use one. I had replied not really, but she already had it. I do have a few jars here, and I admit, I am sort of curious how well it works. So I asked how much it was - I don't know. So I said something like, it must be the price of a lunch date with me then. If so, that'd be like 2-3 lunches I owe her. Now it is just the matter of finding a day to do them.

Welp, it is 8am, and I need to call Mayo, so I am outta here...

PeacE

Doing It Differently ...

 When it comes to doing things, everyone has their own style. Many times, it is the same as 'everyone else' as it is the best way to accomplish what that goal is. Many times it is a 'forced change' to purposely create a new viewpoint/way of doing that same thing, done the same way, day after day. Yesterday's meeting at the Post is a prime example.

It was on my calendar as a District 3 Training Day. Usually, that has the Post members meeting in the hall, and the Aux. in the canteen. We'd do a 1-hour training on something specific: a recent change to a form, or maybe some protocol changes. Then move into our regular meetings for District. Somewhere down the line, it was decided to do Joint Trainings for the District. That is putting the Post and Aux. together, to train each other the programs we each do, areas where we could use the help of the other, etc. The first one started off with the Aux. explaining the Programs we are accountable for, and how the Post is able to assist, as well use the same event to complete some of their program requirements. Either way, I find myself liking this much more than the training before. We should be working hand-in-hand, and not 'fighting each other' over events, etc. Personally, I did not 'learn' much of anything, as most of the information was Aux. stuff, and I already was aware of it. Our meeting in January should be interesting, as it will be the Post doing the same for the Aux. Obviously, the hope is to create a more family environment, to stop any division/rift between the two VSOs. I like it.

Changes. Sometimes they are good ones, and sometimes not. I know personally, changes have seemed the only thing I have done since September. I became sober (10 months now!). medical issues have made changes to the body (good and bad), medications changes symptoms, decisions on lifestyles have changed. Having to have a transplant, doing the TIPs procedure, healthier and controlled diet - all these are ongoing and are good changes, once they happen. What are some other changes? There is a list of them. I think the ones that top the list as my favorites: 1) sobriety; 2) quit smoking (today is Day 4, and going strong!); 3) better, controlled diet; 4) rebuilding relationships I damaged with family and friends; 5) rebuilding a relationship with God. There are many more, and these few examples are not in order of favoritism, but just what popped into my head at the time.

Smoking. Whew! Day 4, and I am still going strong. The first day, I refused to leave the house - literally. The fear that I would be tempted to stop somewhere and buy another a pack was so big in my mind... Day 2 I felt a bit better, but that was Friday, and I had to go to the Post. Knowing where the smoking patio was made some temptation come up to bum a smoke from someone, but I busied myself in the kitchen, working on the dinner. Day 3, yesterday, had to be at the Post again, but this time there were no temptations of the smoking area. No desires to stop somewhere and get a pack. Have I picked up on some weird habits in this short time? Not really. I have been craving soda more, and picked some more up. It'll be at least another week or more before I start seeing some healthy changes of not smoking (breathing easier, less coughing, etc.). I am just keeping on doing the good things I know I can do, and that is that.

Friday night at dinner (RM & PT had come as usual) I was sort of not nice. I kept making jabs at PT about things I know he is sensitive about doing or discussing. I was talking more to RM than him (as usual) and was mentioning about the probability of giving up my car keys. The TIPS procedure could have an effect of increasing my encephalopathy, and one really shouldn't drive with this condition. You hear those Silver Alerts for people with dementia in their older age, and how they just drive off somewhere. This is similar. I was even mentioning about just giving up my keys now, though I really haven't had any episodes but one (Wife caught it). I would look over and say something like 'Even at my younger age I probably will be giving up my car keys so I don't hurt anyone'. It went completely over his head. No rection. I am not even sure he heard me. Another time I made a comment about an Old Folks table, and he hmm'ed/haw'ed saying something like he wasn't old. My goodness man! You're 89 years old! You ARE old. Another jab was about how he said he does like the Chair Tai Chi, and I said something like 'Isn't that hard to do from a reclining position in your easy chair with you eyes shut? He grumbled about that one. In short, I was mean, on purpose. I should apologize. I know I should. But I don't want to. Problems to take to God ...

And with that, I am getting off the ol' bloggo. Nothing on the calendar today, so figure I may be playing games all day - unless the Wife decides it is Honey-Do time. Ugh.

PeacE

Short and Sweet

 Not much to share today. I have a District 3 VFW training to attend to this morning at my Post. I am in the middle of making sure I have every thing I need to bring in my portable office. Even if I am only an Asst. Secretary to my Aux Post, I try to assist a little at the District meetings as well. For example, it is a small thing, but I provide a sign in sheet, properly titled for the type of meeting, and the date. Our own Secretary has mentioned to me that even just for our Post, this is so much better than just a blank sheet with names scrawled willy-nilly on it. A little organization, ya know?

This next week is pretty free of events. I do have a Para scheduled for Wednesday, and the regular Aux meeting on Tuesday evening ... and that is it. Oh, and my Step-Mom's birthday is Tuesday as well. Though she and I have had some 'bad times' between us back when I was about 12 and Dad had passed, she didn't stop me from leaving to go live with RM. As I became an adult and learned some of Life's lessons, she has never failed to let me (and my family) visit  my little sister. Our relationship has grown, as both of us overcame issues we have had, and I respect and admire her quite a bit. She has fought cancer, debilitating mental issues and extreme grief - most at the same time - so who wouldn't seeing someone that has overcame.

RM's birthday is next month, too. I have no clue as to what to get her. If I ask, I'm told nothing, or gift cards for Amazon. I know most people want to give a gift that has some meaning to relationship with that person, or that the birthday person is "into" like a hobby. She likes that diamond art. Wish I had a good picture of my family to have a kit made for her. I have a couple weeks before I have to have something, at least ordered. I know, she's going to say don't bother for her sake ... but c'mon! It's RM!

With that I need to sign-off, finish getting ready for my meeting/training.

PeacE

I'm Drawing A Blank ...

 My head is pretty empty this morning. I went through the morning routine, well, up to this point anyways. Did my vitals, did my meds, checked the ol' email box. Placed an order for pickup this afternoon for tonight. Aside from the Dinner tonight, I have nothing on my calendar for today.

Riders Dinner tonight. This will be our last monthly one, and we will move to Quarterly with the next being in October. We will bring back the Soup Night that has gone over well the last couple times we have done it. I am picking up some Southern style Potato salad, plus I already got the buns and BBQ sauces. 

Okay, I'm going to gripe a bit. I enjoy being a part of the VFW Riders (even though I do not personally ride a motorcycle). I have not minded (overly) being the Secretary for the past couple years (a thankless job no one wants), but I am getting kind of fed up and tired of the Chapter. No one attends meetings except about 7-8 of us; the same group that are getting burned out doing the dinners. Trying to put some kind of ride together is next to impossible. If we were to just tell the members 'this is what we're doing' they would follow like sheep, but to create something on their own, or even in a meeting - impossible it seems. Plus the changes coming down the line. Late July there is to be a vote that will brings the Riders into the group as a 'Sister' organization to the VFW and Auxiliary, rather than just a 'committee under the Post'. Which will be a Treasurer's and Secretary's nightmare of paperwork. From setting up bank accounts, EINs, 501(c), bond requirements, and on and on. There are some good aspects coming out of the deal though also. Officer positions are able to be held by non-Post members (like Aux) and they want to bring in a unified patch. Right ow we have a patch for the Post members, and a separate one for the Aux members. Anyway, enough on that for now ... I'm starting to get heated up. Save that rant for another time.

Welp, I have taken a bathroom break, and sat here for a bit pondering where to lead this train-wreck, and am not coming up with anything. Catch you on the Flipped Side!

PeacE

It's A Brand New Day ...

 Today starts a fresh round of Life. Well, at least that is how I am looking at it. I may share too much on here at times, but when it comes to my liver transplant, maybe someone else going through similar will take inspiration from my words - as if I had any readers.

Tuesday I met with the IR for a consult at Mayo. This was specifically to go over the TIPS procedure, the pros/cons of it. After discussion with the IR doctor, and a few questions, I opted to do the procedure. The Wife and I had talked about this back in November, to look at as possible assistance. Basically, it is a bypass to take the pressure of backed up blood flow that the liver cannot handle and redirect it. It is supposed to reduce, if not eliminate, the build-up of the ascites in the abdomen. In my support groups, I have heard some guys say it greatly decreased the number of times they had to do paracentesis and others said they didn't have to do any at all while they waited for their transplant. I'm not aiming high but I would truly like being able to not do a para every week. If I could get it to once a month or longer, it would be much easier to deal with. Either way, the TIPS stays in until the transplant. I have a CT of the Abdomen, then a couple days later the procedure. Oh, and finally scheduled the colonoscopy for late August (like you wanted to know that crap - see what I did there). Oh! And they drained 10L plus said there was still some fluid in there. Sigh.

Brand new day. Brand new start. It's Day One. I smoked the last cigarette I had last night. No longer are there any here at home, or in my car. All I need to do is not buy them. Today I have nothing on my calendar and told the Wife I was not going ANYWHERE today, to reduce the want to stop and get more. She says she has a couple prescriptions to be picked up. Sigh. I probably have yet another one to get as well. But I can use the drive-thru pick up versus going inside. Even if I went inside, I usually pay at the pharmacy, so do not even have to go to the front counter (and see cigarettes).

Friday is our last VFW Riders dinner for awhile. We voted to go quarterly now, as the same 6 or so people were the ones doing it all, all the time. We are getting burned out. So it will be shredded chicken or pork sandwich, Cole slaw, and I am thinking of getting a couple tubs of southern style potato salad. 

Last night as the Wife and I lay in bed doing our phone/tablet or whatevers, I turned to her and asked, I'm supposed to tell you if I am feeling things (in regards to medical especially). She said of course, so I did. I felt ... off. I know when I have a para done, that for a couple days at least I do go through an adjustment: organs adjusting to where they should be, feeling some fatigue and other tiredness, even sometimes a lack of desire to do anything that involves moving around. But this was different. It started early evening, and went through at least until I fell asleep. Still not sure what it was, but at least she knew about it in case something worse happened. I have got to get better at communicating when I do not feel right, or well. This morning I was up at 5:10a and as far as I can tell, feel normal. Whatever I felt last night is gone. I was going to be a bit worried if it persisted through a sleep cycle. 

Alrighty then. I think I over-shared too much today. Oh well. May it live forever on in the internet universe.

PeacE

Gonna Make 'Em Wait ....

 I know RM is probably waiting to hear how my IR consult went yesterday morning. Well, I will tell you, but not until later this afternoon. I have a paracentesis today at 1pm, and am just going to include all the information into one text versus spawning many more.

That being said, I have nothing of value to add for today. I'm off to read a little from this new book I bought.

Oh. And here is a song for y'all ...

PeacE

Short Stuff Today ...

 Today is Day One again. I think I know part of the problem. I have 8 cigarettes left in the last pack I have. I am going to move Day One to this weekend. I will finish this pack off, and just not buy any more. If it isn't available, I will be able to fight the urges better. 'Just throw them away' one would think, but I got some weird part of me that claims that would be a waste of money. I know, weird, right?

I have the Interventional Radiology consult this morning. It will be about the TIPPS procedure more than anything. I have mixed feelings about it, but at least right now, I am wanting it done. If it can reduce the number of times I have to have a paracentesis, I am all for it. I do not know if we will set a date to do the procedure, or what. Find out later this morning I guess.

Paracentesis scheduled for 1pm tomorrow. I need it. I feel about 8L or so to be drained.

I decided to compete this week with RM. I have several packages coming in over the next week. I did get a couple shirts I ordered already. And a wide mouse pad with Office/Excel/PowerPoint functions so maybe when I need one, I don't have to go hunting on Google. I know Joe gave me a tip on the Miss Excel email, and I have gotten a few things from those. Thanks again, Joe.

Entertainment and House meeting tonight. I did get the agenda out yesterday, as I worked on it first thing. Riders Dinner is Friday, then we are going to quarterly dinners. Pulled Pork/Chicken sandwiches and a side this week.

Supposed to have a Chapter ride on August 1st called 'Burn Your Buns'. It's basically a ride around the Valley on the 202 freeway system. And it will be hot. I know nothing else about it. I told them at the last meeting to get the info together. I'm a Secretary - I just note the stuff, not plan it.

Another of yesterday's packages was one of the books I ordered. "Demolishing Doubt" by Cliffe and Stuart Knechtle. It was the one that caught my eye when I was at the site. I was thinking it was more on self-doubts, but it is about doubts that affect our faith. It's about doubts we have of 'Is God real', is the Bible true? Kind of more for a starting Christian. But will still be an interesting read. And it is a hardback. And it smells new (yes I am weird, I smell books.

And I think that concludes this morning's focus. I am already off and thinking about the consult.

PeacE

I *WILL* Overcome Difficulties

 When it comes to the cessation of smoking cigarettes (approximately 35 years) I am back to Day One. I truly am having a harder time with this than I do with sobriety. I get frustrated at myself when I fail to get through the day with out smoking, and that just starts the circle of wanting one even more. Heck, last week when I got the news I was deferred another three months, it was the first time I thought of even drinking since September. Why is it good habits are easy to break, and bad habits are hard? Well, that doesn't matter because today is Day One and I WILL make it through.

I slept sooo good last night. I had mentioned to the Wife in the afternoon that I was feeling pretty tired, and even upon waking that morning had felt a little groggy and just kind of dragging through the day. Told her I may go to bed early. By about 5pm, I had caught myself, dozing in the office chair while watching a movie. After dinner, I think I ended up in bed around 7-8pm. Not sure but about then. I played 2 rounds on my tablet game, and was falling asleep while playing. I shut down. Slept clear through to the alarm for the most part. I feel well rested today.

Outside of the morning routine, the first thing I did today was get the Agenda for tomorrow's meeting out. Now I need to do a letter for the Riders - supper this Friday. I need to take that chair up to Staples today to find out what can be done. I also need to get to the store for some more soda. I have been craving soda a bit lately. But I do have to watch how much I drink due to sugar amounts and weight gain.

Tomorrow morning I have a consult at Mayo with Interventional Radiology. We are going to discuss the TIPPS procedure, which hopefully would help reduce the ascites build-up in the abdomen, and possibly make a paracentesis less needed as often, if at all. I heard some good stories from past transplants about how well it worked for them. It would be removed at the time of transplant (as well as them fixing the umbilical hernia). I do have another Para this Wednesday.

That's it for now. Nothing too exciting going on for now.

PeacE

Day One

 I have been trying to quit smoking cigarettes the past few days. Today it is Day one, as the last two days I ended up having part of one, but it still counts. I made it to about 6pm yesterday, so my hopes are today that I will go all day. I read somewhere that it only takes three days to get over any nicotine addiction, but can take "forever" to change the habits that make us smoke. I had done it before years ago and lasted just over a year. The problem back then was friends smoked, and the bar was allowed smoking inside. Dating my self, but it is what it is...

I didn't really do much yesterday. I did go to my Support/AA group (big book study) and my Home group (welcome newcomers). I had meant to attend another one in the evening where one of the guys from my home group was going to share his story as a speaker, but I lost track of time playing video games and missed it.

Today, nothing on the calendar but I know I need to get the Agenda for Tuesday's House/Entertainment meeting completed and sent. I need to get an email out to the Riders as the Riders dinner is Friday, plus the info from the Convention. Plus play video games.

Okay, I admit it. I still need to chop up veggies as well. Make a quart (or two) of pickles and chill/freeze the others. Good healthy snack food. Gotta keep that weight down!

Bulk trash is tomorrow. The Wife and Youngest got most of the stuff ready and part of it to the curb yesterday. Wife had reached out to the Boys (they live in town) to see if either of the two older ones could help out. Oldest said he would be here this morning, but no sign of him yet and she isn't going to call him. He offered to help at her request and she feels like it would be placing him on a guilt trip. Which, in away, it would be - or a shaming. Today it is mostly hauling the large bags of grass, etc. from the back yard. I tried, but honestly ... I could hardly lift a bag, let alone carry it to the street. I miss my muscles.

Guess I should close this out today. I need to do some quiet time with God and there's a meeting at 11am I'll end up at.

PeacE

Happy Birthday America

 Today is Day One ... again. I'm starting to feel like it is 'Groundhog Day', well, maybe not quite like that, but you know what I mean. Fresh start on quitting the smoking. I can do this. I WILL do this. It's a matter of my health and life.

Wow, that was heavy for starting this off. It'll be short today. as I am short on time before my first meeting today. The Post is doing a flag raising at 9am, but that is when my Liver transplant/AA group meets, and honestly, I don't feel like going there this morning (the Post).

Yep pretty short. Nothing else that is on my mind that I want to share.

PeacE

Imbibing A Pirate's Drink ...

 ... no I didn't fall off the sobriety wagon. I am three days short of 10 months. But I do feel 'grog'gy ... see what I did there? I don't know why, I usually only feel this way when I wake after taking one of the sleeping pills, but haven't had one in awhile. Plus, I slept an extra 50 minutes after the alarm. Maybe I just woke from a deep sleep too fast? Eh, doesn't matter, it is slowly fading away, and I am almost back to normal (for me).

Today is Day One, again. I made it to about mid-morning yesterday before I had a cigarette. SO starting over again today. So far, so good.

Mayo IR called and scheduled the consult for the TIPPS. It is Tuesday morning at Mayo. I think I am going to opt for it. It should help with the large amounts of ascites I am having to drain every week again. Supposedly, it reduces the number of times I would need to have a paracentesis, if any, to hold me over until the transplant, where it would be removed. It is a an outpatient procedure. More to come after the consult.

Still waiting for the GI at Mayo to contact me regarding my appointment, as in setting one up, for the colonoscopy. I asked yesterday about it, and was told again that someone would call me. Maybe today ...

I am done being mad and irritated about the latest deferment. I have had wonderful doctors, nurses, and staff at Mayo, and the access to information, etc. has been phenomenal. But there are a couple things I would have thought they could have done better. Like the smoking. Why not tell me back in February to stop? They said it shouldn't be an issue as I am a light smoker. Maybe it was the results of the angiogram. I don't know. What's done is done, and I need to move forward and keep the eyes on the prize - my health.

I don't think I mentioned it, but a few days ago RM had gotten one of them Farmer's Market-type boxes of mixed veggies/fruits. She had ordered 2 by mistake, and had a large amount of cucumbers and sweet peppers. Of course, she thought of me (I *AM* the favorite, after all) and sent quite a bit with the Wife. As she said in her blog this morning, she needs to cut-up, or whatever, and freeze her supply. I need to figure out something here as well. I'm thinking do some cukes for snacking on, and peppers, too. Maybe freeze some of the peppers diced, ready for adding to a meal prep. Pickles ... I do have a gallon of vinegar currently... I sense some Zesty Italian pickles being made. But I should address that today, or by tomorrow.

We scheduled a bulk trash pick-up for Monday. The Wife has been working on the backyard removing limbs, etc. I feel bad because I cannot get out there and help much. Between being weaker now and my balance issues, I think we would worry more about me getting hurt than what needs to be done. This weekend we will take the bags and other debris out to the street. I can help with that at least, as long as it isn't too heavy.

Quite awhile back RM had mentioned a website she orders physical books from. ThriftBooks.com and they have used books for good prices (hardback and paperback, but one never knows which they have in stock). I spent about $30 the other day and got the book RM has been reading as it sounded interesting. Plus I picked up another self-help that I felt would be a good read for me. Real books. Outside of my author signed copies, I don't really have any physical books anymore. I prefer ebooks now. But I made an exception for these. Other than that, the only books I have are my Bible, the AA Big Book, AA's 12 Steps/Traditions, and some of my journals. I started a wishlist at that site, too, so RM has ideas for Christmas...

And I think that will wrap it up for me today. Happy Birthday tomorrow America!

PeacE

It's Hard to Be Positive, When You're Blood Type is B- ...

 I don't know where to start this morning. RM would say the best place to start is on your knees talking to God (not literally on my knees) and turn it over to Him. I did that yesterday. Still the issue runs through my head, no matter how I try to distract myself from thinking about it.

I got the call yesterday that Mayo Clinic is putting me on a another three month deferment. They want me to have a tox screen that shows NEG for nicotine and THC. The THC is giving a false positive, and they will re-address, but now they are requiring me to stop smoking completely. Granted, I am a light smoker, so the theory of quitting is pretty easy. Allegedly. But it is not that easy. I have to create distractions and new diversions to help me not think about it. Today is Day One, and for the 45 minutes I have been awake, things are good. I am sure to be somewhat irritable for the next couple of days at least. I did warn everyone at home.

While I am working on quitting cigarettes (and pretty much anything in general of smoking) they will schedule me an appointment with Interventional Radiology to discuss using the TIPPS procedure and making a decision to use it or not. Basically, it is way to bypass some of the blood going to the liver, back into my bloodstream without being "cleaned: by the liver. That relieves pressure on the liver, and thus reduces the ascites (fluid) build-up in the abdomen. They want to do this due to the frequency and amounts I have been having. This would be an outpatient procedure and would be corrected during the transplant. The idea is for less fluid accumulation, fewer paracentesis procedures, but has some downsides to it as well. I'll learn more about it at the appointment.

I asked about the colonoscopy they want me to do as it has not been scheduled yet. The nurse said she would nudge scheduling to get me in there as the booking is 'out there'. I have all the mixtures, etc. that they prescribed for this procedure, but need to know when to start taking them. 

I am sure you can understand how I feel a bit this morning. Trying hard to put the negative thoughts aside (Why didn't they say I had to quit back in February? Why wait now to consider the TIPPS?) but it is a daunting task. Day One for that as well. Making me work the Serenity prayer (which RM quoted to me partially yesterday) "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...".Sigh. Big order.

And the vibes keep going ... When I got home from my Para yesterday, the new office chair I had ordered was at the front door. I started to put it together, and near the end, realized there was one issue - the plate piece that has the side lever for raising/lowering, etc. would not fit properly. Four bolts were to hold it to the bottom of the seat, but the alignment was off. I could get 2 bolts in completely , one about 3/4, and the last would not align to a hole at all. You could see just a sliver of the hole, but no way it would fit. I can live with this. I finished by placing the seat on the shaft/wheel base (homosexual joke there) and sat on it, as instructed, to secure the attachment. I was happy. Until I went to lean back. The chair wouldn't. I adjusted the lever in/out but no change. I turned the tensioner all the way left, no tilt, turned all the way to the right, no tilt. It will not tilt at all. No bueno. I was going to put the chair in my car and go up to the store and have them 1) fix it, or 2) replace it. But I don't feel like doing that today. Maybe tomorrow.

Any other negatives I want to  throw out so that maybe I can just get rid of them? These are my major two right now and I cannot think of anything else right now. I also know I am a pessimist enough to wait for the other shoe to drop. Sigh. I wish I could quit adulting.

PeacE

Draining and Filling

 I slept through to the alarm this morning, sort of. I did wake around 5:30am, but told myself 'No. You are not getting out of bed until the alarm (or bladder) makes me. Then I cat-napped until the alarm. I feel more refreshed than I have on these early wake up mornings, so maybe I just need to do that. Works in progress.

This morning I have my paracentesis at 9am. Hoping that they "Drain me dry" today. Last Wednesday, and the Friday before that, it was 10L and stop - both times, leaving fluid in there. I want it out. Plus, I would be able to weigh myself and get a more correct measurement of weight loss/gain. The last time I was able to, about a month plus ago, I was down to 247 pounds. I'm hoping it has gone done, but realistically, if it stay around that number for now, I am okay with it. Just don't want to be stacking back on the weight like before. At least I don't drink and have all that sugar, etc. from the liquor, adding to that weight.

I like to think of the Wife and I being somewhat frugal. Though, I'm the one that does "shopping sprees" more then her. Monday I finally decided my office chair has reached it's end days. Four of the five wheel-rollers have broken off and the hydraulics for raising the seat do not work. I attribute most of that to my previous weight issues. Too dang fat for the chair (Weight-wise). I had already replaced it once under warranty (one of the arms connector to the seat broke) and it is now past the warranty I put on it last time. So Monday I sat in the broken thing and turned my browser to Staples. Why them? They are an office store close to home (for pick-up) and I have some rewards there. Shopping online, I saw no chairs really in stock at that location, but could order it, with free delivery to my home, and have it within a couple days. I found one I liked at a low price (about $60). How to keep the wheels from breaking again? Well, our office was an add-on to the house years and years ago, so the flooring is painted concrete. I guess over the years with Mom and Dad, it has worn some grooves (at the desk where I sit). SO, I saw they also had a floor mat, for hard floors (none of those plastic points on the underside) for about $30. I bought both. The mat was delivered yesterday, is in place already. The chair will probably arrive while I am at the hospital.

The Wife is off today, so not sure what plans will be after I get back home. Lunch will be first though. I almost always fast for these Para appointments (for weighing after). I do need to get those veggies RM sent chopped up and in containers. I need to send out a Riders message about what little happened on the Online Convention last Sunday. Agenda for the House committee will get done Sunday evening for sending out Monday.

With the times for my para, I may miss my home group this morning. I have been going almost everyday, just because I am sitting here playing games. Best to go than just sit here. I may look up any other meeting, where ever in the world, and meet new people. I used to be really bad about changing my routines and I will admit, I still have issues but I do try to be more open to change. Doing these meetings online just make it more convenient, and no traveling.

Welp, I think I shared enough today. Gotta "get dressed" for the para - gym shorts and T-shirt.

PeacE