Day One

 I have been trying to quit smoking cigarettes the past few days. Today it is Day one, as the last two days I ended up having part of one, but it still counts. I made it to about 6pm yesterday, so my hopes are today that I will go all day. I read somewhere that it only takes three days to get over any nicotine addiction, but can take "forever" to change the habits that make us smoke. I had done it before years ago and lasted just over a year. The problem back then was friends smoked, and the bar was allowed smoking inside. Dating my self, but it is what it is...

I didn't really do much yesterday. I did go to my Support/AA group (big book study) and my Home group (welcome newcomers). I had meant to attend another one in the evening where one of the guys from my home group was going to share his story as a speaker, but I lost track of time playing video games and missed it.

Today, nothing on the calendar but I know I need to get the Agenda for Tuesday's House/Entertainment meeting completed and sent. I need to get an email out to the Riders as the Riders dinner is Friday, plus the info from the Convention. Plus play video games.

Okay, I admit it. I still need to chop up veggies as well. Make a quart (or two) of pickles and chill/freeze the others. Good healthy snack food. Gotta keep that weight down!

Bulk trash is tomorrow. The Wife and Youngest got most of the stuff ready and part of it to the curb yesterday. Wife had reached out to the Boys (they live in town) to see if either of the two older ones could help out. Oldest said he would be here this morning, but no sign of him yet and she isn't going to call him. He offered to help at her request and she feels like it would be placing him on a guilt trip. Which, in away, it would be - or a shaming. Today it is mostly hauling the large bags of grass, etc. from the back yard. I tried, but honestly ... I could hardly lift a bag, let alone carry it to the street. I miss my muscles.

Guess I should close this out today. I need to do some quiet time with God and there's a meeting at 11am I'll end up at.

PeacE

Happy Birthday America

 Today is Day One ... again. I'm starting to feel like it is 'Groundhog Day', well, maybe not quite like that, but you know what I mean. Fresh start on quitting the smoking. I can do this. I WILL do this. It's a matter of my health and life.

Wow, that was heavy for starting this off. It'll be short today. as I am short on time before my first meeting today. The Post is doing a flag raising at 9am, but that is when my Liver transplant/AA group meets, and honestly, I don't feel like going there this morning (the Post).

Yep pretty short. Nothing else that is on my mind that I want to share.

PeacE

Imbibing A Pirate's Drink ...

 ... no I didn't fall off the sobriety wagon. I am three days short of 10 months. But I do feel 'grog'gy ... see what I did there? I don't know why, I usually only feel this way when I wake after taking one of the sleeping pills, but haven't had one in awhile. Plus, I slept an extra 50 minutes after the alarm. Maybe I just woke from a deep sleep too fast? Eh, doesn't matter, it is slowly fading away, and I am almost back to normal (for me).

Today is Day One, again. I made it to about mid-morning yesterday before I had a cigarette. SO starting over again today. So far, so good.

Mayo IR called and scheduled the consult for the TIPPS. It is Tuesday morning at Mayo. I think I am going to opt for it. It should help with the large amounts of ascites I am having to drain every week again. Supposedly, it reduces the number of times I would need to have a paracentesis, if any, to hold me over until the transplant, where it would be removed. It is a an outpatient procedure. More to come after the consult.

Still waiting for the GI at Mayo to contact me regarding my appointment, as in setting one up, for the colonoscopy. I asked yesterday about it, and was told again that someone would call me. Maybe today ...

I am done being mad and irritated about the latest deferment. I have had wonderful doctors, nurses, and staff at Mayo, and the access to information, etc. has been phenomenal. But there are a couple things I would have thought they could have done better. Like the smoking. Why not tell me back in February to stop? They said it shouldn't be an issue as I am a light smoker. Maybe it was the results of the angiogram. I don't know. What's done is done, and I need to move forward and keep the eyes on the prize - my health.

I don't think I mentioned it, but a few days ago RM had gotten one of them Farmer's Market-type boxes of mixed veggies/fruits. She had ordered 2 by mistake, and had a large amount of cucumbers and sweet peppers. Of course, she thought of me (I *AM* the favorite, after all) and sent quite a bit with the Wife. As she said in her blog this morning, she needs to cut-up, or whatever, and freeze her supply. I need to figure out something here as well. I'm thinking do some cukes for snacking on, and peppers, too. Maybe freeze some of the peppers diced, ready for adding to a meal prep. Pickles ... I do have a gallon of vinegar currently... I sense some Zesty Italian pickles being made. But I should address that today, or by tomorrow.

We scheduled a bulk trash pick-up for Monday. The Wife has been working on the backyard removing limbs, etc. I feel bad because I cannot get out there and help much. Between being weaker now and my balance issues, I think we would worry more about me getting hurt than what needs to be done. This weekend we will take the bags and other debris out to the street. I can help with that at least, as long as it isn't too heavy.

Quite awhile back RM had mentioned a website she orders physical books from. ThriftBooks.com and they have used books for good prices (hardback and paperback, but one never knows which they have in stock). I spent about $30 the other day and got the book RM has been reading as it sounded interesting. Plus I picked up another self-help that I felt would be a good read for me. Real books. Outside of my author signed copies, I don't really have any physical books anymore. I prefer ebooks now. But I made an exception for these. Other than that, the only books I have are my Bible, the AA Big Book, AA's 12 Steps/Traditions, and some of my journals. I started a wishlist at that site, too, so RM has ideas for Christmas...

And I think that will wrap it up for me today. Happy Birthday tomorrow America!

PeacE

It's Hard to Be Positive, When You're Blood Type is B- ...

 I don't know where to start this morning. RM would say the best place to start is on your knees talking to God (not literally on my knees) and turn it over to Him. I did that yesterday. Still the issue runs through my head, no matter how I try to distract myself from thinking about it.

I got the call yesterday that Mayo Clinic is putting me on a another three month deferment. They want me to have a tox screen that shows NEG for nicotine and THC. The THC is giving a false positive, and they will re-address, but now they are requiring me to stop smoking completely. Granted, I am a light smoker, so the theory of quitting is pretty easy. Allegedly. But it is not that easy. I have to create distractions and new diversions to help me not think about it. Today is Day One, and for the 45 minutes I have been awake, things are good. I am sure to be somewhat irritable for the next couple of days at least. I did warn everyone at home.

While I am working on quitting cigarettes (and pretty much anything in general of smoking) they will schedule me an appointment with Interventional Radiology to discuss using the TIPPS procedure and making a decision to use it or not. Basically, it is way to bypass some of the blood going to the liver, back into my bloodstream without being "cleaned: by the liver. That relieves pressure on the liver, and thus reduces the ascites (fluid) build-up in the abdomen. They want to do this due to the frequency and amounts I have been having. This would be an outpatient procedure and would be corrected during the transplant. The idea is for less fluid accumulation, fewer paracentesis procedures, but has some downsides to it as well. I'll learn more about it at the appointment.

I asked about the colonoscopy they want me to do as it has not been scheduled yet. The nurse said she would nudge scheduling to get me in there as the booking is 'out there'. I have all the mixtures, etc. that they prescribed for this procedure, but need to know when to start taking them. 

I am sure you can understand how I feel a bit this morning. Trying hard to put the negative thoughts aside (Why didn't they say I had to quit back in February? Why wait now to consider the TIPPS?) but it is a daunting task. Day One for that as well. Making me work the Serenity prayer (which RM quoted to me partially yesterday) "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...".Sigh. Big order.

And the vibes keep going ... When I got home from my Para yesterday, the new office chair I had ordered was at the front door. I started to put it together, and near the end, realized there was one issue - the plate piece that has the side lever for raising/lowering, etc. would not fit properly. Four bolts were to hold it to the bottom of the seat, but the alignment was off. I could get 2 bolts in completely , one about 3/4, and the last would not align to a hole at all. You could see just a sliver of the hole, but no way it would fit. I can live with this. I finished by placing the seat on the shaft/wheel base (homosexual joke there) and sat on it, as instructed, to secure the attachment. I was happy. Until I went to lean back. The chair wouldn't. I adjusted the lever in/out but no change. I turned the tensioner all the way left, no tilt, turned all the way to the right, no tilt. It will not tilt at all. No bueno. I was going to put the chair in my car and go up to the store and have them 1) fix it, or 2) replace it. But I don't feel like doing that today. Maybe tomorrow.

Any other negatives I want to  throw out so that maybe I can just get rid of them? These are my major two right now and I cannot think of anything else right now. I also know I am a pessimist enough to wait for the other shoe to drop. Sigh. I wish I could quit adulting.

PeacE

Draining and Filling

 I slept through to the alarm this morning, sort of. I did wake around 5:30am, but told myself 'No. You are not getting out of bed until the alarm (or bladder) makes me. Then I cat-napped until the alarm. I feel more refreshed than I have on these early wake up mornings, so maybe I just need to do that. Works in progress.

This morning I have my paracentesis at 9am. Hoping that they "Drain me dry" today. Last Wednesday, and the Friday before that, it was 10L and stop - both times, leaving fluid in there. I want it out. Plus, I would be able to weigh myself and get a more correct measurement of weight loss/gain. The last time I was able to, about a month plus ago, I was down to 247 pounds. I'm hoping it has gone done, but realistically, if it stay around that number for now, I am okay with it. Just don't want to be stacking back on the weight like before. At least I don't drink and have all that sugar, etc. from the liquor, adding to that weight.

I like to think of the Wife and I being somewhat frugal. Though, I'm the one that does "shopping sprees" more then her. Monday I finally decided my office chair has reached it's end days. Four of the five wheel-rollers have broken off and the hydraulics for raising the seat do not work. I attribute most of that to my previous weight issues. Too dang fat for the chair (Weight-wise). I had already replaced it once under warranty (one of the arms connector to the seat broke) and it is now past the warranty I put on it last time. So Monday I sat in the broken thing and turned my browser to Staples. Why them? They are an office store close to home (for pick-up) and I have some rewards there. Shopping online, I saw no chairs really in stock at that location, but could order it, with free delivery to my home, and have it within a couple days. I found one I liked at a low price (about $60). How to keep the wheels from breaking again? Well, our office was an add-on to the house years and years ago, so the flooring is painted concrete. I guess over the years with Mom and Dad, it has worn some grooves (at the desk where I sit). SO, I saw they also had a floor mat, for hard floors (none of those plastic points on the underside) for about $30. I bought both. The mat was delivered yesterday, is in place already. The chair will probably arrive while I am at the hospital.

The Wife is off today, so not sure what plans will be after I get back home. Lunch will be first though. I almost always fast for these Para appointments (for weighing after). I do need to get those veggies RM sent chopped up and in containers. I need to send out a Riders message about what little happened on the Online Convention last Sunday. Agenda for the House committee will get done Sunday evening for sending out Monday.

With the times for my para, I may miss my home group this morning. I have been going almost everyday, just because I am sitting here playing games. Best to go than just sit here. I may look up any other meeting, where ever in the world, and meet new people. I used to be really bad about changing my routines and I will admit, I still have issues but I do try to be more open to change. Doing these meetings online just make it more convenient, and no traveling.

Welp, I think I shared enough today. Gotta "get dressed" for the para - gym shorts and T-shirt.

PeacE

*YAWN*

 I'll take the middle ground, I guess, as if I had a choice. Didn't wake until about 6:20 this morning - so I got an extra hour, but not really since I went to bed an hour later, trying to be tired enough to sleep to the alarm time. Oh well. Feeling tired this morning, even though I did not take a sleeping pill. This morning might require a nap at some point.

So I'm up, at my desk, and doing my daily checks (BP, glucose) and taking the handful of pills (and one liquid), I hear the Youngest talking a bit more than normal when he is awake at this hour. Seems he is on Discord while playing a game online. Had the Daughter, Oldest Son, Youngest Son, and a friend of theirs all talking while playing the game together. I jumped in to just say morning, especially to Oldest, as I rarely see him.

Calendar is empty today. I guess I will be playing "Where Winds Meet" for most of the day. It is a freebie game I found several weeks ago, based in ancient China. I am just amazed at the level of gameplay and graphics... and even the story line! At least it is free!

Not much to talk about today. I did pretty much gaming yesterday, plus my meeting. Had a nice surprise when the Wife came home last night. Seems RM had swung by her work with some food stuff, and some beef sticks for me! Thanks Mom! Some grapes, cherries, lettuce, green onions .... am not sure what else. Some snacky food that's healthy.

Welp, I'm outta here to spend some time talking to the kiddos!

PeacE

I'm Just Done ...

 This whole up at 5:30am stuff is just nuts. Here we are again today. This 'smart' ring says I slept for 4 hours last night, supposedly in a deeper sleep through the night than the usual waking a few times. I don't feel tired, but there is something to be said about that half-sleep where you are 'just right' comfortable, and the sun ain't over the mountain. Sigh. I give. I just accept it now. If I feel like I need a nap, I'll take one (as appointments allow) and just go by what the body tells me it needs.

Nothing major on the calendar for this week. Good! I see the only thing I have marked is a "business meeting" following our AA meeting this morning for my Home Group, and a paracentesis scheduled for 9am Wednesday - which I will be attending. My hope this week is that they are able to 'drain me dry'. Just short of two weeks ago, 10L were drained, and another 10L five days later. I don't feel as bloated as then, so am hoping to get the fluid down to regular levels. I also hope to here by Wednesday if my case was reviewed. And to add to the excitement, I need to get a colonoscopy done. Over the weekend I picked up five prescriptions. One was my statin pill, another my anxiety pill, and the rest were "aids" for the clean-out. Only, it hasn't been scheduled yet, so not sure when to start these. Most start like 6-7 days prior to the procedure. I guess I should send a message inquiring about it.

Giving up your stresses and problems to a Higher Power. I am still working on this step for AA - well, acceptance and the actual giving it up. The Riders Convention has had me stressed now for two weeks, even though I "gave up" and just waited to find out what is going on, instead of actively seeking the information. It paid off, somewhat. I received a message from our previous Director (why is he STILL getting our official info and not us?) that last minute, the Convention was going to be a Zoom meeting on Sunday afternoon starting at 1:30pm. There were only about 10-12 people that showed up for the meeting. They asked if there was anything in the proposed bylaws we needed to discuss to bring before National, and there wasn't really anything from this small selection of Riders. The main purpose of this meeting was to elect Officers for State, prior to the Convention in Reno late July. Which we did. And that was pretty much it. I was off by 2:20 (about 40 minute meeting) and ... yeah. Kind of felt like I was left hanging in the wind, but in truth, it is that we just do not have the information at this time. There is so much that needs to be on our National level, then trickle down through State, and finally Chapter. At least we are knocking "District" out of the loop now. I need to get an email sent out to our group just giving them the highlights of what we went over, and who the new officers will be for State.

Sigh. Worrying about things that do not need it. Seems to be a trait of mine sometimes.

Sister and BIL headed back to NM yesterday. It was a short turn-around, so I didn't get a chance to visit. Besides they were busy with their family stuff. RM must be tired today, as she had a drive up North (with PT) yesterday for a 'graduation'. I checked on her at one point through that Life360 thing. They were headed north, and were about Anthem (just north of Phoenix) so just starting the trip. Later in the evening I checked again, as she said they may find a hotel, as PT was voicing worries that they should not go, and is worried about her driving at night, etc. I only hear this stuff, and it is frustrating - imagine RM having to deal with it. Well, it was late when I checked, but they were home, and had been since about 8pm. So glad she did make it home with no major issues.

Well, that's about all I got to say about that. I'm off to message Mayo about scheduling the ol' poop-chute picture taking session.

PeacE