I'll Do What I Want ...

 .. used to be my attitude over a year ago. Whether it was going to the store, or going to the bar, or what excuse am I using this time to get out to drink. I see what a narcissist I used to be. Controlling, demanding, 'me-first'... That has all been changing this past 10 months, and I have not heard one complaint about it. Sure, I don't see people I once hung out with daily, but at the same time, I am not tempted by drink. Plus, if they were true friends they would understand and support me through this journey.

Sigh. Just felt I had to get that off my chest.

RM shared yesterday about their jaunt down to see PT's doctor. I, of course, shared with the Wife, who, like me, found it somewhat funny in a non-laughing way. Honestly, there isn't much to say, or laugh, about the situation. I have used a cane for years, originally for my knees and back pains, but with the large weight-loss, and other medical, it is more for balance now. I don't know why, or how, someone could be so prideful as to NOT want to prevent falls, just because using a cane, or in this case a walker, under doctor's orders. PT just doesn't want to be seen as old, even though he is 89. <shaking head> I just don't get it.

I'm up a little early this morning. Not like last night - but still early. I was laying in bed in that 'comfy zone' just slowly going over some things in my head. The Wife's alarm went off, and I decided I might as well get up. I need to move up my morning routine, as I am headed to Sin City, I mean Sun City, to visit with RM this morning. It's a morning of the week PT is out of the house to as late as 11:30am. I don't know how busy she may be for work, but I texted her last night I was "thinking" of coming by this morning (pre-warning) and RM replied 'Yea! Keep thinking'. I took it to mean yes, still plan on coming by, but thought this morning it could have been sarcastic (my Mother? Never!) like saying "as if". I did put a timer on my visit. I do have a pick-up at Fry's today near my house for between 12-1pm.

It is a Friday night. The Youngest has made supper the past couple of nights, which is always good tasting and very much appreciated. I have been slacking, and not keeping up with my personal goal of doing at least one supper per week, to help a bit. So, yesterday I spent a couple hours looking around the interwebz for recipes for the crockpot and came across a few good ones. Out of those, I singled it down to one for tonight, then ordered the groceries I would need for it. Going to try a baked ziti.

Nothing on the calendar this weekend. I do need to get the Riders Agenda done and sent out. Our meeting is Monday night, then I'm done with meetings until next month. I added three more paracentesis appointments through 8/19 for now, and will see how the TIPS Works after that date. I may set more appts in a couple weeks, just in case I need them.

Okay, I need to do a couple more things before getting on the drive to visit RM...

PeacE

Talk About Being Up Early ...

 Mr. Bladder woke me at 1:05am this morning. This is a normal occurrence, at least the getting up a couple times in the night. But today is a bit different.

Having the Para yesterday does wear me out a bit, and last night, as we were doing pre-bed routine (which means me on my tablet playing a game or two) I started nodding off a bit early. I gave up fighting it and crashed - and woke at 1am wide awake. I figure if I watch an hour or so of dumb videos or something, I'll get tired again (which I will at any point) and then return to bed. Overall, right now I feel a bit worn out still, but otherwise fine.

I try to update the people that need to know, about my medical stuff. Usually it just a quick test to my family chat group, and to my Sister, Brother and RM chat group. Just quick things like yesterday's paracentesis - how much drained, my weight, etc. I think it was back in December or so, That RM mentioned my Uncle L (her side of the family) had been asking about how I was doing, and I decided to create a basic document that I add updates to about monthly. This I send out to other family (more distant family (uncles/aunts, etc.) after thinking about it. Aside from my blog here, I don't share on any social platform my medical stuff. I figure I will tell who needs to know, and who don't need to know, well, the are SOL. My point is, this morning (already!) I had a reply from my Uncle L (whom I email the updates at RM's request) just saying they are thinking good thoughts for me, and are behind me in this stage of my life. It was kind of just a generic one-liner, but coming from him, it meant a bit more. We were never 'close' as I grew up - living with my Dad prevented a lot of that with RM's family. So even despite that 'gap' he has always inquired after us kids when he talks to RM. Don't know where I am going with this now, but just know it was sort of touching for me. I gave a quick reply to acknowledge it, that he will probably see in just a couple hours (he's back in Indiana).

Need to call today and set a couple more Para appointments to cover the time before getting the TIPS done. Next week, or the week after, I'll call for 2-3 weeks appointments after the TIPS, just in case it isn't working as well. It will take a bit of time to see any changes that are going to last. Here's hoping for the scenario where I don't have to do Paras at all! But I ain't holding my breath. It's one of those Serenity Prayer things - like many other things right now. 'Accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference'. 

Okay, well, I ran out of anything in my head to ramble about, so have a nice day.

PeacE

Pre-Warning: It's Loaded and Ready to Fire!

 Since last year ... around July I think it was, I started getting an umbilical hernia. Yep. Just like it sounds. A type of hernia at the 'belly button'. In my case, it was a result of the build-up of ascites in my abdomen (before I found out). Well, over the last year this hernia has gotten slightly larger. It protrudes like a bubble right at the umbilical site. Currently, it has gotten to where if I cup my palm, and lay over the hernia, it fills my hand. I did see a specialist about it back in October. He said it is nothing to majorly worry about. Since I was having liver issues, that when they do a transplant, they are easily able to fix 'while they are in there'. There is no fluid seepage, and no pain, so no emergency to treat it. I'm okay with that, expect now it is like a stubby cannon ready to fire - like those fire hoses on the river boats for the Fire Dept.

Well, speaking of fluid build-up, it is Para Time again today. I got the primo time of 9am this morning. I feel like we are going to hit that 10L max drain limit, and leave fluid in there again ... but I am so uncomfortable right now. I mentioned to the Wife last night that I am actually anxious - excited anxious, not the worry one - to get the TIPS done. IF it is able to help this issue ....

One of the books I ordered finally arrived yesterday. It is 'Restore' by Vince Antonucci. RM has just finished it, or is near the end, and has shared some days with references to this book. It looks like a 30 day devotional (and it may be) but not having started it yet, depending on the length of the chapters, I may do one, or split it. Either way, reading the cover synopsis, and the chapter list has me excited to start it. I have a little time before I leave for my Para, so I am going to read now.

Okay, I am back! Just home from the hospital getting the Para. Drained 10L, left some fluid. Seems this is going to be the weekly thing now until I do the TIPS procedure 8/13. So I am feeling a bit drained (see what I did there?) and tired. Always am after these for a day or two. No other big news to share.

I started on 'Restore', and I admit, at the beginning it is a bit hard to put down. Almost done with Day One, and I had to stop for the appointment. Maybe I won't do it as a devotional, but just read and make notes daily.

And that's all I got. I need to eat my lunch from El Pollo Loco!

PeacE

Sometimes, Being an Kid is *NOT* Fun ...

 ... as you read that title, I am sure y'all thinking I messed it up. It's supposed to 'adulting ain't fun'. But I had to change it to fit my situation. I would much rather be out working a job, then having to figure out what to do with myself all day. Video games get tiring, and I am able to only read so much right now. I get social interaction at meetings (generally at the VFW). I have been trying to NOT drive round as much, preparing myself for when I hand my keys over (for a temporary time). But all said and done, by the end of the day, I am still just tired.

I felt almost like I had every single doctor I have seen regarding my liver, or their office, called yesterday. First was me calling Mayo as they had left a message about scheduling some lab work. Seems they had me as 'Missed' on 6/24 for the Urine Sample. I explained what happened (blood draw on floor 6, urine on 1? Then back to 6? No, the gal that drew the blood had me do the urine sample). They were going to follow up on their end.

AZ Liver called - the "specialist" that referred me to Mayo. That office wanted me to schedule some lab work to come in and let them draw blood. I said no. I explained to the gal that that Dr. had told me, and I quote, "Now that Mayo is involved, we will let them handle things". If you want results from a lab, call Mayo. I have authorized release of that information for all the doctor's involved. They were to 'let him know' and I have yet to be called back.

Banner Hospital called. This is my usual one that is nothing more than a waste of time. They were calling to go over the information in my file (insurance, address, ER contacts) even though I just did in person and by phone every prior week. This time it was for the two Paras I have scheduled this week and next. I explained to her, that my eligibility, out of pocket, deductible with my insurance was all met (she would see if she looked I just verified ((AGAIN)) a week ago. I am on a payment plan for the hospital balance (almost down to $0 finally). I am current with all info they need. As usual, I was put on hold while they 'ran my insurance to prepare an estimated patient cost, and when she came back, I got the same thing as always - I am unable to check with your insurance right now, May we call you later once we verify. I told her, don't bother calling. I know where it is and the status. Update your records as you feel you need, but don't call me back as it is a waste of time for both of us. Then I asked her, In the past 6-7 months that I have been in the hospital darn near weekly, could it happen that your department calling me (almost every week) it is always someone different. Is your department that big, or is the turnover rate that high. She couldn't answer me, but she said she would note that. I expect to hear from them again in two weeks.

It wasn't yesterday, but here recently, I found out my PCP is leaving NOAH. This is a neighborhood outreach clinic I have been going to for several years now. This is the 4th physician I have been through at this location. So my appointment pre-scheduled for October (for the last Hep A and Hep B shots) needed to be cancelled and an appointment made sooner, just so I could meet the "new" doctor that I will be assigned to. Okay, I got that. I did schedule an appt for late September. I also told them they better keep the one in October, as it has been planned for at least 2-3 months now. Who knows what they have done, and I am leery of checking my patient portal with them for scheduled appointments.

Well, now I have wasted at least a couple minutes of your time with my medical blues, and I have no funny incident to share. Had a "storm" come through last night. Lots of wind and dust. I hate that they call it a 'haboob' here in AZ. That is a huge desert storm, not the wall of dust that blows into the Valley. Oh man, I'll be sneezing and crap now for a few days - thanks allergies.

PeacE

One Of Us Ain't Smart ...

 I am a little tired this morning. Seems like I was up at least five (maybe more) times during the night to go to the potty. No sitting down, but the liquid drainage ... I don't get how sometimes the meds just like kick into overdrive and work. I peed. I peed again. And again, and again. And who knows how many times in all. I remember thinking during one episode of standing there, draining, that the sleep function on this smart ring is going to show my schedule as all mixed up being up so many times during the night. Nope. It says I had a 97% optimal night. On the visual graph, it does show some shifting from deep to light cycles that were frequent and close together. Maybe that was the bathroom trips? Either way, it says I slept good, but here I am feeling tired.

I think I mentioned in the past couple days that my calendar this week is pretty open. I only have a birthday on it, and my VFW Aux meeting. I do need to call Mayo here in a bit. Friday late in the day they sent a message through the portal, saying something about needing labs done ( I already did the 'monthly' recently) and I needed to schedule. Usually they just schedule them and I concur. So is this a tox screen (I'm about due this month) where generally they send me the Dr's orders, and I can go to a separate lab facility. I don't know. Replies weren't allowed to that message (idiots) so now I have to call. On a Monday morning. At 8am. Wonder how long I will be on hold ...

Today is Day 5 of no cigarettes. Most of the urge has gone. I did have a slight craving yesterday afternoon, as I felt like having one while taking a quick break from my video game I was playing. But easily distracted from the thoughts. Been coughing a bit more, with phlegm occasionally coming up. I am sure it is the lungs and esophagus getting rid of 'crap' from smoking. It should stop in a few days, according to what I read. It may be early, and I don't want to jinx myself, but I think I got this one beat now as well. 

RM is securing multiple lunch dates with me, it seems. If you read her blog, you'll know she is someone that loves to give. She will go out and buy it (within reason) if she knows you need/want it, just to bring a person some happiness. Sometimes it is stuff one never mentioned. Well, lately, I have been the recipient of some things. There was a 4-pack of shorts with a gym-type adjustable waist, that look like cargo shorts. I don't know why she got them (PT? But he didn't care for them?) but I said I would try them. They fit good, and are wonderful when I go in for my Paras. No suspenders/straps/belts to deal with. She always sends some veggies home with the Wife when she does her Farmer's market thing. Knowing I like to make pickles every now and then, Friday she gifted me a lid sealer for jars. Said she got two of them before asking me if I could use one. I had replied not really, but she already had it. I do have a few jars here, and I admit, I am sort of curious how well it works. So I asked how much it was - I don't know. So I said something like, it must be the price of a lunch date with me then. If so, that'd be like 2-3 lunches I owe her. Now it is just the matter of finding a day to do them.

Welp, it is 8am, and I need to call Mayo, so I am outta here...

PeacE

Doing It Differently ...

 When it comes to doing things, everyone has their own style. Many times, it is the same as 'everyone else' as it is the best way to accomplish what that goal is. Many times it is a 'forced change' to purposely create a new viewpoint/way of doing that same thing, done the same way, day after day. Yesterday's meeting at the Post is a prime example.

It was on my calendar as a District 3 Training Day. Usually, that has the Post members meeting in the hall, and the Aux. in the canteen. We'd do a 1-hour training on something specific: a recent change to a form, or maybe some protocol changes. Then move into our regular meetings for District. Somewhere down the line, it was decided to do Joint Trainings for the District. That is putting the Post and Aux. together, to train each other the programs we each do, areas where we could use the help of the other, etc. The first one started off with the Aux. explaining the Programs we are accountable for, and how the Post is able to assist, as well use the same event to complete some of their program requirements. Either way, I find myself liking this much more than the training before. We should be working hand-in-hand, and not 'fighting each other' over events, etc. Personally, I did not 'learn' much of anything, as most of the information was Aux. stuff, and I already was aware of it. Our meeting in January should be interesting, as it will be the Post doing the same for the Aux. Obviously, the hope is to create a more family environment, to stop any division/rift between the two VSOs. I like it.

Changes. Sometimes they are good ones, and sometimes not. I know personally, changes have seemed the only thing I have done since September. I became sober (10 months now!). medical issues have made changes to the body (good and bad), medications changes symptoms, decisions on lifestyles have changed. Having to have a transplant, doing the TIPs procedure, healthier and controlled diet - all these are ongoing and are good changes, once they happen. What are some other changes? There is a list of them. I think the ones that top the list as my favorites: 1) sobriety; 2) quit smoking (today is Day 4, and going strong!); 3) better, controlled diet; 4) rebuilding relationships I damaged with family and friends; 5) rebuilding a relationship with God. There are many more, and these few examples are not in order of favoritism, but just what popped into my head at the time.

Smoking. Whew! Day 4, and I am still going strong. The first day, I refused to leave the house - literally. The fear that I would be tempted to stop somewhere and buy another a pack was so big in my mind... Day 2 I felt a bit better, but that was Friday, and I had to go to the Post. Knowing where the smoking patio was made some temptation come up to bum a smoke from someone, but I busied myself in the kitchen, working on the dinner. Day 3, yesterday, had to be at the Post again, but this time there were no temptations of the smoking area. No desires to stop somewhere and get a pack. Have I picked up on some weird habits in this short time? Not really. I have been craving soda more, and picked some more up. It'll be at least another week or more before I start seeing some healthy changes of not smoking (breathing easier, less coughing, etc.). I am just keeping on doing the good things I know I can do, and that is that.

Friday night at dinner (RM & PT had come as usual) I was sort of not nice. I kept making jabs at PT about things I know he is sensitive about doing or discussing. I was talking more to RM than him (as usual) and was mentioning about the probability of giving up my car keys. The TIPS procedure could have an effect of increasing my encephalopathy, and one really shouldn't drive with this condition. You hear those Silver Alerts for people with dementia in their older age, and how they just drive off somewhere. This is similar. I was even mentioning about just giving up my keys now, though I really haven't had any episodes but one (Wife caught it). I would look over and say something like 'Even at my younger age I probably will be giving up my car keys so I don't hurt anyone'. It went completely over his head. No rection. I am not even sure he heard me. Another time I made a comment about an Old Folks table, and he hmm'ed/haw'ed saying something like he wasn't old. My goodness man! You're 89 years old! You ARE old. Another jab was about how he said he does like the Chair Tai Chi, and I said something like 'Isn't that hard to do from a reclining position in your easy chair with you eyes shut? He grumbled about that one. In short, I was mean, on purpose. I should apologize. I know I should. But I don't want to. Problems to take to God ...

And with that, I am getting off the ol' bloggo. Nothing on the calendar today, so figure I may be playing games all day - unless the Wife decides it is Honey-Do time. Ugh.

PeacE

Short and Sweet

 Not much to share today. I have a District 3 VFW training to attend to this morning at my Post. I am in the middle of making sure I have every thing I need to bring in my portable office. Even if I am only an Asst. Secretary to my Aux Post, I try to assist a little at the District meetings as well. For example, it is a small thing, but I provide a sign in sheet, properly titled for the type of meeting, and the date. Our own Secretary has mentioned to me that even just for our Post, this is so much better than just a blank sheet with names scrawled willy-nilly on it. A little organization, ya know?

This next week is pretty free of events. I do have a Para scheduled for Wednesday, and the regular Aux meeting on Tuesday evening ... and that is it. Oh, and my Step-Mom's birthday is Tuesday as well. Though she and I have had some 'bad times' between us back when I was about 12 and Dad had passed, she didn't stop me from leaving to go live with RM. As I became an adult and learned some of Life's lessons, she has never failed to let me (and my family) visit  my little sister. Our relationship has grown, as both of us overcame issues we have had, and I respect and admire her quite a bit. She has fought cancer, debilitating mental issues and extreme grief - most at the same time - so who wouldn't seeing someone that has overcame.

RM's birthday is next month, too. I have no clue as to what to get her. If I ask, I'm told nothing, or gift cards for Amazon. I know most people want to give a gift that has some meaning to relationship with that person, or that the birthday person is "into" like a hobby. She likes that diamond art. Wish I had a good picture of my family to have a kit made for her. I have a couple weeks before I have to have something, at least ordered. I know, she's going to say don't bother for her sake ... but c'mon! It's RM!

With that I need to sign-off, finish getting ready for my meeting/training.

PeacE