Staying Focused

 Things are 'off' this morning. Actually, it has been most of this last week. I have been becoming sleepy at odd times, even when I feel I slept good the night before. Most days it starts about 5pm, but some days it has been random through the day. I try not to take a nap so that I will sleep good that evening, but my body disagrees. I will nod off - in my office chair, on the bed, whatever. I went to the Post last night, thinking of hanging with friends. I was feeling this sleepy feeling. While sitting at the bar, playing a game on my tablet, I nodded off - twice. I decided it was time to go home. My friends hadn't shown up anyways. I did go to bed about an hour earlier than normal, and feel well rested this morning, just mentally foggy. 

It could be the HE (Hepatic Encephalopathy) might be increasing a bit since the ascites has - which could mean the meds I take for that may need to be adjusted. My guess is they will just wait until after the TIPS Procedure, because that is supposed to affect this and more. Good or bad, won't know until it happens, but usually most are good (from what I was told, and heard from others). That's still about three weeks out ... Glad my next Para isn't. I am bloated up big again this week already, and with them only being allowed to drain 10L, I know there will be fluid left again. Oh Lord I pray that the TIPS will work and drastically cut down on the ascites build-up.

Heard some bad news from my little Sissy the other night. She is 12 years younger than I, and everyone (including her I think) were surprised when she ended up pregnant a few months ago. She is 42ish, and our first concerning thought was the age factor and delivering/having a baby. Technology has advanced enough, that 42 shouldn't be bad, as long as everyone stays healthy. Well, Friday they found out she had miscarried. Yesterday, they went to Indianapolis to have the D&C done, because the baby was that far along. I cannot imagine how she feels, but I know I am grieving. I was happily telling RM on Friday during our visit that I was proud to be an Uncle again... I don't know the whole name they had picked out, but we knew it was going to be a girl, and her first name was going to be River.

Today is ... Day 11? of no smoking. I'm starting to lose track of the day count as we go along. Still getting urges, especially around areas where I used to smoke. Last night, I vaguely remembering having a dream/vision of smoking (more than I did in real life) and it was okay to do so even with my liver issues. I was like a comic character with the cigar stub in the corner of the mouth, and like 6 cigarettes in different phases of being smoked in the rest of the mouth, giving some kind of evil grin. No idea what brought that on, but I remember it.

I'm a bit worried about RM this morning. I guess Friday her vehicle wouldn't start. From her description, and even her deduction, it was the battery, and it needed to be charged. The Youngest has this issue with his car occasionally because he doesn't get out and drive much, or start/run it for a bit every few days. Either way, as RM took it to the repair place they go, she noticed her A/C wasn't working either. Time goes on, they go back to pick it up, and the A/C still is not working. I guess she has to take it back in on Monday and leave it for them to figure it out. Weird that it would suddenly quit working with a battery issue. But I am worried about her, as any driving that now needs to be done, will be PT, and even RM mentioned just the drive to the services for a friend that passed, she was terrified by his driving. Prayers to her these next few days until she gets her car back. She is already thinking of ways to get stuff done, but without the need for PT to drive them. Like probably watching their church service on youtoob, versus actually going. Stay strong RM!!

The only thing I really need to complete today is the agenda for the Riders meeting tomorrow. From what I remember from last month, there won't be much on there, so shouldn't take long. Then I'll have to find things to keep my entertained. When I finish this, I'll be grabbing up my book and reading some of it, and spend a little time with God. Probably do my Home AA group at 11am. More than likely it will be a video game in there too. 

PeacE

Let's See What Falls Out of my Gob today ...

 Yesterday I woke about 45 minutes before my alarm went off. I went ahead and got up, as I had plans that morning, and I might as well get things done. Around 7:30 I headed to the City of Sin to visit RM while PT was out of the house. I always enjoy sitting down and catching up with Mom, even though most of the major daily events we share through our blogs, but here we have time to talk in more detail about things happening. We chatted and I drank my iced tea (I love Mom has tea for me seemingly all the time). Around 11:00 or so, PT stumbled home (almost literally) and I visited just a little more. By then Mom and I had moved to the kitchen (from her "work room") and she was making some cookies (oatmeal raisin). Of course we each got a warm one from the first batch, and it was so nice and gooey! I finally excused myself near noon, as I had set the groceries to be picked up between 12-1.

Swung through El Pollo Loco for lunch. I love their queso guac chicken burrito, and the Youngest likes their new loaded queso chicken quesadilla. And a large horchata drink for me. Unloaded all but the soda I bought, and decided I had a couple hours or so before I needed to start dinner. Then I played video games. Around 4pm I started up the makings for baked ziti in the crockpot. By 7:30, it was ready for the last 30 minutes of cooking (where I add the pasta and cheese) and I did. It was SO. GOOD. Everyone liked it, said to keep it for future easy dinners. I'll send over the recipe to RM this morning, as she stated she loves baked ziti, and let her know of any changes/substitutions I used.

Nothing much to do this weekend. I need to work on the Riders agenda tomorrow, for Monday's meeting. I have a couple hours this morning to hit up both my AA groups online. Then it will be video games, I am sure. I shared a post on FB to my Wife that the discount grocery we like to shop at has 'restocked the freezers' and one picture showed many bags of Sonic tater tots. I jokingly threw out that I love Sonic's tots, and we should get some. The Middle Son's girlfriend made a comment she would be up for going along with us to the grocery, bringing along Doc, the grandson, if we were willing to pick her up. It would give the Son some extra time to sleep (he works nights). I did verify that the Wife saw it, but do not know what she will want to do today. I'm all for letting her go with the girlfriend, but I do want to see my grandson. Decisions, decisions.

I finished up 'Day One' in my new book. The last couple pages were a bit repetitive to me, as it talks about 'naming our demons' (admitting our faults) which is Step 1 in the AA program. This book may contain many similarities, as it seems many times, this 12-step program layout works very well. I'll just grit my teeth and move along, even if I feel I've read a section before (from the AA Big Book) because if I just learn one thing in this reading, that will help my relationship with God, it will be worth it.

Heavy thoughts this morning.... I need to finish up my "quiet time" and get a couple emails sent this morning before the meetings. Y'all have a good one!

PeacE

I'll Do What I Want ...

 .. used to be my attitude over a year ago. Whether it was going to the store, or going to the bar, or what excuse am I using this time to get out to drink. I see what a narcissist I used to be. Controlling, demanding, 'me-first'... That has all been changing this past 10 months, and I have not heard one complaint about it. Sure, I don't see people I once hung out with daily, but at the same time, I am not tempted by drink. Plus, if they were true friends they would understand and support me through this journey.

Sigh. Just felt I had to get that off my chest.

RM shared yesterday about their jaunt down to see PT's doctor. I, of course, shared with the Wife, who, like me, found it somewhat funny in a non-laughing way. Honestly, there isn't much to say, or laugh, about the situation. I have used a cane for years, originally for my knees and back pains, but with the large weight-loss, and other medical, it is more for balance now. I don't know why, or how, someone could be so prideful as to NOT want to prevent falls, just because using a cane, or in this case a walker, under doctor's orders. PT just doesn't want to be seen as old, even though he is 89. <shaking head> I just don't get it.

I'm up a little early this morning. Not like last night - but still early. I was laying in bed in that 'comfy zone' just slowly going over some things in my head. The Wife's alarm went off, and I decided I might as well get up. I need to move up my morning routine, as I am headed to Sin City, I mean Sun City, to visit with RM this morning. It's a morning of the week PT is out of the house to as late as 11:30am. I don't know how busy she may be for work, but I texted her last night I was "thinking" of coming by this morning (pre-warning) and RM replied 'Yea! Keep thinking'. I took it to mean yes, still plan on coming by, but thought this morning it could have been sarcastic (my Mother? Never!) like saying "as if". I did put a timer on my visit. I do have a pick-up at Fry's today near my house for between 12-1pm.

It is a Friday night. The Youngest has made supper the past couple of nights, which is always good tasting and very much appreciated. I have been slacking, and not keeping up with my personal goal of doing at least one supper per week, to help a bit. So, yesterday I spent a couple hours looking around the interwebz for recipes for the crockpot and came across a few good ones. Out of those, I singled it down to one for tonight, then ordered the groceries I would need for it. Going to try a baked ziti.

Nothing on the calendar this weekend. I do need to get the Riders Agenda done and sent out. Our meeting is Monday night, then I'm done with meetings until next month. I added three more paracentesis appointments through 8/19 for now, and will see how the TIPS Works after that date. I may set more appts in a couple weeks, just in case I need them.

Okay, I need to do a couple more things before getting on the drive to visit RM...

PeacE

Talk About Being Up Early ...

 Mr. Bladder woke me at 1:05am this morning. This is a normal occurrence, at least the getting up a couple times in the night. But today is a bit different.

Having the Para yesterday does wear me out a bit, and last night, as we were doing pre-bed routine (which means me on my tablet playing a game or two) I started nodding off a bit early. I gave up fighting it and crashed - and woke at 1am wide awake. I figure if I watch an hour or so of dumb videos or something, I'll get tired again (which I will at any point) and then return to bed. Overall, right now I feel a bit worn out still, but otherwise fine.

I try to update the people that need to know, about my medical stuff. Usually it just a quick test to my family chat group, and to my Sister, Brother and RM chat group. Just quick things like yesterday's paracentesis - how much drained, my weight, etc. I think it was back in December or so, That RM mentioned my Uncle L (her side of the family) had been asking about how I was doing, and I decided to create a basic document that I add updates to about monthly. This I send out to other family (more distant family (uncles/aunts, etc.) after thinking about it. Aside from my blog here, I don't share on any social platform my medical stuff. I figure I will tell who needs to know, and who don't need to know, well, the are SOL. My point is, this morning (already!) I had a reply from my Uncle L (whom I email the updates at RM's request) just saying they are thinking good thoughts for me, and are behind me in this stage of my life. It was kind of just a generic one-liner, but coming from him, it meant a bit more. We were never 'close' as I grew up - living with my Dad prevented a lot of that with RM's family. So even despite that 'gap' he has always inquired after us kids when he talks to RM. Don't know where I am going with this now, but just know it was sort of touching for me. I gave a quick reply to acknowledge it, that he will probably see in just a couple hours (he's back in Indiana).

Need to call today and set a couple more Para appointments to cover the time before getting the TIPS done. Next week, or the week after, I'll call for 2-3 weeks appointments after the TIPS, just in case it isn't working as well. It will take a bit of time to see any changes that are going to last. Here's hoping for the scenario where I don't have to do Paras at all! But I ain't holding my breath. It's one of those Serenity Prayer things - like many other things right now. 'Accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference'. 

Okay, well, I ran out of anything in my head to ramble about, so have a nice day.

PeacE

Pre-Warning: It's Loaded and Ready to Fire!

 Since last year ... around July I think it was, I started getting an umbilical hernia. Yep. Just like it sounds. A type of hernia at the 'belly button'. In my case, it was a result of the build-up of ascites in my abdomen (before I found out). Well, over the last year this hernia has gotten slightly larger. It protrudes like a bubble right at the umbilical site. Currently, it has gotten to where if I cup my palm, and lay over the hernia, it fills my hand. I did see a specialist about it back in October. He said it is nothing to majorly worry about. Since I was having liver issues, that when they do a transplant, they are easily able to fix 'while they are in there'. There is no fluid seepage, and no pain, so no emergency to treat it. I'm okay with that, expect now it is like a stubby cannon ready to fire - like those fire hoses on the river boats for the Fire Dept.

Well, speaking of fluid build-up, it is Para Time again today. I got the primo time of 9am this morning. I feel like we are going to hit that 10L max drain limit, and leave fluid in there again ... but I am so uncomfortable right now. I mentioned to the Wife last night that I am actually anxious - excited anxious, not the worry one - to get the TIPS done. IF it is able to help this issue ....

One of the books I ordered finally arrived yesterday. It is 'Restore' by Vince Antonucci. RM has just finished it, or is near the end, and has shared some days with references to this book. It looks like a 30 day devotional (and it may be) but not having started it yet, depending on the length of the chapters, I may do one, or split it. Either way, reading the cover synopsis, and the chapter list has me excited to start it. I have a little time before I leave for my Para, so I am going to read now.

Okay, I am back! Just home from the hospital getting the Para. Drained 10L, left some fluid. Seems this is going to be the weekly thing now until I do the TIPS procedure 8/13. So I am feeling a bit drained (see what I did there?) and tired. Always am after these for a day or two. No other big news to share.

I started on 'Restore', and I admit, at the beginning it is a bit hard to put down. Almost done with Day One, and I had to stop for the appointment. Maybe I won't do it as a devotional, but just read and make notes daily.

And that's all I got. I need to eat my lunch from El Pollo Loco!

PeacE

Sometimes, Being an Kid is *NOT* Fun ...

 ... as you read that title, I am sure y'all thinking I messed it up. It's supposed to 'adulting ain't fun'. But I had to change it to fit my situation. I would much rather be out working a job, then having to figure out what to do with myself all day. Video games get tiring, and I am able to only read so much right now. I get social interaction at meetings (generally at the VFW). I have been trying to NOT drive round as much, preparing myself for when I hand my keys over (for a temporary time). But all said and done, by the end of the day, I am still just tired.

I felt almost like I had every single doctor I have seen regarding my liver, or their office, called yesterday. First was me calling Mayo as they had left a message about scheduling some lab work. Seems they had me as 'Missed' on 6/24 for the Urine Sample. I explained what happened (blood draw on floor 6, urine on 1? Then back to 6? No, the gal that drew the blood had me do the urine sample). They were going to follow up on their end.

AZ Liver called - the "specialist" that referred me to Mayo. That office wanted me to schedule some lab work to come in and let them draw blood. I said no. I explained to the gal that that Dr. had told me, and I quote, "Now that Mayo is involved, we will let them handle things". If you want results from a lab, call Mayo. I have authorized release of that information for all the doctor's involved. They were to 'let him know' and I have yet to be called back.

Banner Hospital called. This is my usual one that is nothing more than a waste of time. They were calling to go over the information in my file (insurance, address, ER contacts) even though I just did in person and by phone every prior week. This time it was for the two Paras I have scheduled this week and next. I explained to her, that my eligibility, out of pocket, deductible with my insurance was all met (she would see if she looked I just verified ((AGAIN)) a week ago. I am on a payment plan for the hospital balance (almost down to $0 finally). I am current with all info they need. As usual, I was put on hold while they 'ran my insurance to prepare an estimated patient cost, and when she came back, I got the same thing as always - I am unable to check with your insurance right now, May we call you later once we verify. I told her, don't bother calling. I know where it is and the status. Update your records as you feel you need, but don't call me back as it is a waste of time for both of us. Then I asked her, In the past 6-7 months that I have been in the hospital darn near weekly, could it happen that your department calling me (almost every week) it is always someone different. Is your department that big, or is the turnover rate that high. She couldn't answer me, but she said she would note that. I expect to hear from them again in two weeks.

It wasn't yesterday, but here recently, I found out my PCP is leaving NOAH. This is a neighborhood outreach clinic I have been going to for several years now. This is the 4th physician I have been through at this location. So my appointment pre-scheduled for October (for the last Hep A and Hep B shots) needed to be cancelled and an appointment made sooner, just so I could meet the "new" doctor that I will be assigned to. Okay, I got that. I did schedule an appt for late September. I also told them they better keep the one in October, as it has been planned for at least 2-3 months now. Who knows what they have done, and I am leery of checking my patient portal with them for scheduled appointments.

Well, now I have wasted at least a couple minutes of your time with my medical blues, and I have no funny incident to share. Had a "storm" come through last night. Lots of wind and dust. I hate that they call it a 'haboob' here in AZ. That is a huge desert storm, not the wall of dust that blows into the Valley. Oh man, I'll be sneezing and crap now for a few days - thanks allergies.

PeacE

One Of Us Ain't Smart ...

 I am a little tired this morning. Seems like I was up at least five (maybe more) times during the night to go to the potty. No sitting down, but the liquid drainage ... I don't get how sometimes the meds just like kick into overdrive and work. I peed. I peed again. And again, and again. And who knows how many times in all. I remember thinking during one episode of standing there, draining, that the sleep function on this smart ring is going to show my schedule as all mixed up being up so many times during the night. Nope. It says I had a 97% optimal night. On the visual graph, it does show some shifting from deep to light cycles that were frequent and close together. Maybe that was the bathroom trips? Either way, it says I slept good, but here I am feeling tired.

I think I mentioned in the past couple days that my calendar this week is pretty open. I only have a birthday on it, and my VFW Aux meeting. I do need to call Mayo here in a bit. Friday late in the day they sent a message through the portal, saying something about needing labs done ( I already did the 'monthly' recently) and I needed to schedule. Usually they just schedule them and I concur. So is this a tox screen (I'm about due this month) where generally they send me the Dr's orders, and I can go to a separate lab facility. I don't know. Replies weren't allowed to that message (idiots) so now I have to call. On a Monday morning. At 8am. Wonder how long I will be on hold ...

Today is Day 5 of no cigarettes. Most of the urge has gone. I did have a slight craving yesterday afternoon, as I felt like having one while taking a quick break from my video game I was playing. But easily distracted from the thoughts. Been coughing a bit more, with phlegm occasionally coming up. I am sure it is the lungs and esophagus getting rid of 'crap' from smoking. It should stop in a few days, according to what I read. It may be early, and I don't want to jinx myself, but I think I got this one beat now as well. 

RM is securing multiple lunch dates with me, it seems. If you read her blog, you'll know she is someone that loves to give. She will go out and buy it (within reason) if she knows you need/want it, just to bring a person some happiness. Sometimes it is stuff one never mentioned. Well, lately, I have been the recipient of some things. There was a 4-pack of shorts with a gym-type adjustable waist, that look like cargo shorts. I don't know why she got them (PT? But he didn't care for them?) but I said I would try them. They fit good, and are wonderful when I go in for my Paras. No suspenders/straps/belts to deal with. She always sends some veggies home with the Wife when she does her Farmer's market thing. Knowing I like to make pickles every now and then, Friday she gifted me a lid sealer for jars. Said she got two of them before asking me if I could use one. I had replied not really, but she already had it. I do have a few jars here, and I admit, I am sort of curious how well it works. So I asked how much it was - I don't know. So I said something like, it must be the price of a lunch date with me then. If so, that'd be like 2-3 lunches I owe her. Now it is just the matter of finding a day to do them.

Welp, it is 8am, and I need to call Mayo, so I am outta here...

PeacE