Givin' A Holla Out to ....

 Meditation for the Day

One secret of abundant living is the art of giving. The paradox of life is that the more you give, the more you have. If you lose your life in the service of others, you will save it. You can give abundantly and so live abundantly. You are rich in one respect — you have a spirit that is inexhaustible. Let no mean or selfish thought keep you from sharing this spirit. Of love, of help, of understanding and of sympathy, give and keep giving. Give your personal ease and comfort, your time, your money and most of all, yourself. And you will be living abundantly.

This was in my "Twenty Four Hours a Day" book for today. As soon as I read it, I realized, this is RM. Now Mom has been this way for several years, though I honestly can't say how long ago I noticed it. But she is the Giver. She even admits to her love of giving things. She bakes, especially around holidays, and gives it away. She takes time (and a some food) to a couple ladies she knows from her neighborhood. She has made room in her schedule to help me at times (though I try not to ask too often). Even I am presented with gifts she 'inadvertently picked up', or because she just saw it and thought of me. I know she does that for others as well. It really makes me proud of her, and makes me want to give as well.

You're the best, Mom!

I think I have talked about giving before in an older post. The nudges I have had and acted on, the feeling of elation inside because you helped someone in someway. I believe this is truly God giving those nudges. To teach us to share? To help the other person in some way? No idea, only He knows His Plan. But I have found out, it is getting easier to give as I grow in my spirituality. I think the "want" to do it is just inherently part of the package. Even AA supports the giving, as Step 12 is to help other alcoholics find the program and help them on their path of recovery (actually spoken about before the meditation on today's reading). Have I helped any alcoholics? I don't know. Maybe something I said clicked with them and they went off to do it. I am too young in the program to be any type of Sponsor for anyone, so my giving is in experiences and sometimes, that is all someone needs without it being crammed down their throats.

Yesterday I did go down to the Post. I saw a couple guys I hadn't seen in awhile. I did get the minutes and agendas done that needed to be done, emailed them out. I'm caught up on that until after Tuesday's meeting. I was back home after about three hours. Then I played video games most of the evening. The Wife did a store run, and ended up making (maybe just re-heating) Salisbury steaks and mashed potatoes. It hit just the spot last night!

No major plans today. Tuesday is my paracentesis, and I am ready to drain. I haven't been since the 19th due to scheduling conflicts. I know after the TIPS procedure that there could be some side effects. One is random drain amounts for a few weeks, as the body adjusts to the "bypass". Some slight swelling in the feet and legs from fluid build-up (not ascites). My legs are well loaded now. So much that it feels like the skin is just going to split open. Yesterday, I could barely get my slip-on shoes onto my feet. The 'pitting' and edema goes to nearly halfway up my thigh. The Wife says I need to let the Dr. know, and I will, on Tuesday, that way I can let them know how much was drained as well. I think the Radiology doctor changed my diuretics too much after the TIPS. She cut one from 400mg to 100mg, and the other from 80mg to 40mg. I think if we put the one back up to 80, and do about 200 on the other, it would help ... but what do I know? I'll mention this as well when I message the doctor. The edema is worse than when all this started a year ago.

And with that I will close out and get on with my day.

PeacE

Relocation is Important Today

 I have 'blown off' the duties of my VFW positions for the past week or two. Why? No reason, just that I am being distracted at home. Trying to work from my desk, the temptation to just 'do another meeting' or play video games. Or even the worst - facebook scroll of death. I'm just too distracted. So this morning I mentioned to the Wife that I was going to do my two regular Saturday meetings, then head up to the VFW so I should be able to focus better and get the work done. The last few months I have only been up there for meetings, so maybe it isn't bad that I spend time there.

Well, I got an answer to my nice inquiry about my medical case and care plan. They scheduled in a CT-Abdomen  on the morning of 9/8, as well as the already scheduled bloodwork, nurse and doctor consults. They need to get the updated figures from the bloodwork and the CT to bring my case to the review panel. So, I am on hold until 9/8 for sure right now.

Had a great lunch with RM yesterday. We both had salads, and spent a couple hours talking about different things. I regretted somewhat that we had to end when we did, but she was on the clock. As always though, too little time spent together. I'm looking forward to the next one, though have not even set a date as of yet.

Welp, I am in a meeting, so I am out of here....

PeacE

Is Your Day Going To Be Better Than Mine?

 Welcome to another Friday edition of my ramblings. I truly think that is all I am giving you today, because not much else has happened the last couple days.

This morning I have my yearly diabetic eye exam. That has gone fine the past 2-3 years, and I see no changes to that happening this year. Afterwards, I am headed further West to the City of the Sun to spend part of the day with RM. I know she was see-sawing about just taking today off work, and I don't know what she decided, but I will be out there mid-morning to visit while she works. Then it is off to Red Robin for lunch. I have been waiting all week for salad! Then we have another stop that needs to take care of something before returning back to her place. From there I will probably head towards home.

I might stop and get my haircut on the way home. I haven't decided. 

After I finish writing here, I will be writing a message to Mayo Clinic. I have not heard anything for a few days, and want to find out what is going on. I waited this long, so when I write the message, it isn't aggressive and demanding. I just want to know the status of things, because as far as I know, I met all deferments, thus should be up for case review, and make the list. Sigh.

I just finished up a small water. Now I am craving cold water to drink with no stopping. I hate when I feel that way, because nothing makes it go away, and I have to force myself NOT to drink so much water. Especially right now as I am pretty full-up on ascites that won't be drained until 9/1.

The Wife stopped last night on her way home and picked up Church's Chicken. I normally am okay with them, but am not a chicken dinner kinda guy anymore. I don't mind chicken sandwiches, but the whole leg, thigh, breast thing I could just do without. It's messy. Well, last night, getting a family order, they were 4 pieces short of the regular, and it would be 20 minutes until it was ready, so instead she got 4 pieces of their 'hot and spicy'. I had 2 pieces and Youngest Son took two. I was not impressed. Wasn't spicy. Was really greasy - more than chicken usually is. And even now still sort of sits on my stomach not sure if it should be processed or thrown up. I've been trying to stay away from greasy stuff since my bile duct, gall bladder and all that is somewhat compromised as they work with my liver. Don't need to cause extra problems.

Welp, I should get dressed, get that message off to Mayo, and then get stuff together for my eye exam and going to RM's. I make it sound like a long trip ... but when you are older, there are certain things you need to take with you everywhere you go...

PeacE

Car Dreams

 I think many of today's men (in my age range and more) and their childhoods, with memories of playing with Matchbox, or Hot Wheels, cars. We all had our favorites, too! I could not begin to guess the percentages of men that went on to become car fanatics: restoring, showing, driving - you name it. I ring this up because I had a car dream last night.

I had just woke up from a late night of carousing, so it was around mid-day. I was getting dressed and throwing clothes into the trash (they were worn, ripped holey jeans) until I found something appropriate to wear (shorts and tee). I grabbed my keys and hollared to the house (and the Wife I presume) 'Taking off! Taking my dream today!'. I walk out into the 5-bay garage (oh my goodness, am I rich?) and stride over to a gold colored Saturn. Yes, like the one I drove years ago. She shined in my eyes, and I felt my heart racing  knowing how her motor would feel as I cruised.

Now why a Saturn, no idea. But important in the dream is that it had a door lock system consisting of three electronic buttons. Well, different combinations would have the car do different things, like auto-start. Well, as I reach through the open window, and hit the switches, the car starts, then dies. I do this several times. I check the gas gauge - empty. No gas cans around the garage. I get in, and pressing the start thing on the electronic panel, I finally get it running and coaxing to stay running. I'm  off to the gas station. I get there, pay, hook up the pump, go inside. As I come out someone next to my car says he don't like the look of it and points. The driver front tire is held on by only one lug and is tilted to undrivable, but I get in, start it up and lean to the left. The car shifts up on that wheel so it is straight up, and I drive off.

That was it. Is there some deep-seated mental story behind it? I don't recall thinking about the Saturn yesterday at all. Some more of the dream is coming to mind now, but not enough to put it into words. Maybe it is just some random mind release whilst sleeping. Just weird.

AS of right now this morning I have not heard from Mayo Clinic. I do not know if they just did not have the time to put my case together to present yesterday, or they found more that 'needs to be done'. They have always called me in the past. Maybe I will just have to wait another week. Sigh. God is teaching patience with this.

I only have a couple zoom meetings on my agenda today. Tomorrow is the eye appt. then lunch with RM.

PeacE

When You Feel It Working

 This morning I am feeling pretty good. I believe my body got a caught up quite a bit and I don't feel as tired. I also feel God working in me today. I did my quiet time, and as I prayed, I just 'felt it' on the mental inside. It gives me more hope that I am not a lost cause, and I still have a purpose in God's Plan. Now to apply in life and keep the positive changes in practice.

Today is Wednesday, which means that Mayo Clinic does a review of cases that are up for the Waiting List. Mine has been there twice, both with the vote that there were some deferments (things to complete) to do prior to being on the list. This last round was only a Negative test result on the tox screen for Nicotine, which the outside lab gave results on Monday. I sent a message through the patient portal, to let Mayo be aware the results were in, and it cleared my last deferment. Tuesday morning I got a generic reply that they will review the results on they are final, and they turned off the availability to respond at all to the message thread. That in itself made me very angry. Either way, all I have heard from Mayo is a couple emails yesterday that test results were in, and I would look. It had to do with the colonoscopy bloodwork, or the report for the procedure. Nothing on the tox screen. So as of this moment, I have not heard anything about it going to review today (this week). Perhaps I will get a call this evening informing me otherwise. They usually do call when a decision has been made after a case review.

This last week I have had some of the side effects of the TIPS start to show up. My feet and lower legs have swollen a bit due to fluid retention. "Liver Spotting" on my arms is happening more. That's the red markings like when you bump your arm too hard, or I get them from needle sites from the IVs. Sometimes I get them from just scratching an itch. Also am getting some bruising that I know not from where it comes. Right now it is fading fast, but who knows if it will come back. I haven't noticed any increase/decrease in the encephalopathy factors - I probably wouldn't remember anyways.

My schedule is clear of appointments until Friday morning when I go do my yearly diabetic eye exam. The past 2-3 years have been fine, and I expect no change this year. Then with my eyes dilated I am heading on out to RM's to visit, have lunch, stop at the bank, before heading back home for the day.

All my candies are in! I have hard candies, jelly beans, and spiced gum drops! The "twenty four hours a day" book arrived yesterday as well. I need to learn to read descriptions better. This little hardback is literally smaller than my phone, but each page does contain a prayer, an AA Though of the day, and a meditational thought. I will add it to my quiet time reads and see how things go. I finished "Restore", and although it wasn't overall really what I was looking for, it did have some good information. I am just not sure what to do with the book now. I have very limited space to keep it. Maybe I will hang on to it a bit and see if I come across anyone that could possibly benefit from it and just give it to them. I am flipping back to the other book I had started, "Demolishing Doubt" and see where it goes.

I think that is all I have today.

PeacE

Results Of Our Actions

 I am tired this morning. I should clarify, I am sleepy-tired this morning. I do not know if it is maybe some residual effect from anesthesia, or just the body needing more rest (or both). Either way, there is a nap somewhere on my clear schedule today, be it this morning, or afternoon. Probably afternoon, as I would like to make my AA group this morning.

I also feel pretty fat in the tummy. It's not pressure related like the ascites build-up (though I do have that going on) but I think from eating yesterday. Being allowed to eat less restricted than I was for the cleansing, I might have ate too much throughout the day. I know I do not feel hungry at all currently, and I usually have to eat something with my meds or get nausea. Not today. So I'm just sipping on a beer (c'mon, it's root beer).

More for Papaw's stash should be arriving today. The package today is spiced gumdrops. Also a devotional specifically geared towards alcoholics called simply "Twenty Fours A Day" I bought it in hardback (thrift books only had paperback). I'm hoping it fits my needs I feel I need at this time in my quiet time with God.

I finally did decide to do a Prayer journal, listing specific people and their needs, except those that if someone were to read, would be sharing with people I shouldn't. Those I'll keep in another place. This way I will remember better what I am praying for for that person. With my memory issues, that is important.

I had a message reply this morning from Mayo regarding the lab tox screen results. I instantly got angry and prepared to type out a scathing reply, then stopped. Their reply was basically "Thank you for letting us know you completed the appointment. We will review results when they become official". Generic. My name wasn't mentioned, nor any particular of my case. I think this is the first time since I started with Mayo, that I feel they have let me down. This reply felt like someone that did not read through the last part of the email chain, that the appointment was done and they were contacted LAST week to watch for results; I was letting them know the results were ready and they needed to get them to try to get my case to the review this week as this was a final issue; and though it sounds bad, I really felt this was someone that was lazy and was just throwing out generic replies to maybe a large amount of incoming messages to "be caught up" in their work. Sigh. I sighed. I did not reply anything, but I prayed for patience. This is moving at God's speed, and it will happen when he wants it to happen.

With that said, I think I am out of topic today.

PeacE

Papaw Has The Goods

 A few short nights ago, I was awakened early, and like most times when I am wakened that early, I was pretty wide awake. I did the usual ... go to the office and to get on the computer - to try to find something that makes me sleepy. I noticed the Daughter was still online in Discord, and in voice chat, so I decided to pop on and say hi. I guess she is up late/early with her youngest (my Widget) as she was awake. So as we both played a game on our own, we talked a little bit. I mentioned that I thought I was out of hard candy, which I could have whilst not eating for the colon cleanse. I mean, c'mon! Papaw always has candy on him!

I think the last time RM "ran something" up to the Wife's work it was a box of beef jerky strips. I think it was that same time she sent a cannister of the hard candies like I remember having sitting in a bowl at Grandma's house. I called it Granny Candy, and loved it because it was a hard candy that sometimes had a sweet filling in the middle of the piece. It was a brand name that had been around awhile. I think RM picked it up because of some discussion we had, or my monologue about it. 

So, long story longer ... I was looking to see if I could buy this candy in bulk, at least larger than the cannister RM had bought (which was gone and empty already). After a brief skim through Google, it looked like Amazon had some of the better deals, so then I searched there. I found a 5 lb. bulk bag of hard candy - a mixture of Jolly Rancher brand fruit candies, starlite mints (red & green) and the little individual wrapped fruit ones. All for about $20. Into the cart it went.

Now I was looking at candy, and knowing I was "out" at home, I started craving more. I looked up spiced gumdrops. Mmmm, little pricey for 5lb. and could not guarantee freshness (so they aren't dried/aged hard as a rock). Uh oh. Jelly beans. Just regular mix of jelly beans - none of the Jelly Belly flavored, or 'gourmet blend' bags. But got a 5lb. bag of regular ones of the standard flavor variety. They are smaller than regular jelly beans, but it'll work. Haven't tried them yet, as it isn't a hard candy approved for the cleanse. BTW - first two cups of the drink is down this morning, two to go.

Hmmm, guess I was wrong. I did order the spiced gumdrops and have a 5lb. bag being delivered tomorrow. As well as a devotional book called "Twenty-Four Hours A Day" and  it is a meditation book for those in recovery offers daily thoughts, meditations, and prayers for living a clean and sober life. We have used it before for discussion topics for my AA meetings, so I went ahead and got it (hardback). I did check the thrift books site RM uses, but they only had it in paperback.

So Papaw is once again stocked with candy (I don't eat it much at home because of watching my glucose being near diabetic). Plus some daily reading to go with my quiet time. I have had several questions pop up in my mind that I wanted to ring to discussion at lunch on Friday with RM, but I was no where near a notebook to write it down (sacrilegious!). I need to get better at jotting down my notes - I had gotten out of practice with not going out much. Well, worse case is I remember it later and just email ask her. I know she would love to be able to answer some questions with her experiences/interpretations.

Well, it is 4:30am, and I officially am done with the colon-cleanse drink. Nothing to eat or drink now until after the procedure. I am not expecting them to find anything that would hold me up from the transplant list. I am still waiting the results of the tox screen I did last Wednesday. Would love to get a call later this week letting me know I finally made the list.

Have the day you deserve....

PeacE