T-Minus 24-Hours

 At this time tomorrow morning, I should be called back beyond those doors that block off the waiting area and lead into the workings of the hospital. Nothing I haven't done before (going through the door) for blood draws, CTs, MRIs, consults, and on and on. But this one is a little more involved. I am sure it will be wheelchair to a room, change into a gown, and from then on I am in a bed. Who doesn't want to lay in bed all day? Me ...

The first part of the procedure is going to be a normal routine for me. They will do a paracentesis to drain any excess abdominal ascites prior to the procedure. At some point after that, not sure of the timing, I'll be wheeled into an OR and knocked out. Then they insert a catheter through a vein in my neck, and guide it to the liver. They will create a channel between the Hepatic and Portal veins, with a mesh stent to keep it open. If things go fine, that's generally about it. 24-48 hours observation, then home. Average time of procedure: 2-3 hours. Once home I am on restrictions for lifting. I also have to watch out for further signs of Hepatic Encephalopathy, skin turning yellow (jaundice) and swollen legs. Since I have HE already, the medication I am on may cause it to not worsen.

So, sounds easy-peasy, right? I would think anyone gets a bit nervous though when they have to have a medical procedure done. I know I "accepted" whatever comes with this whole transplant process, and to do my best to meet demands of healthcare staff. But I can feel some anxiety starting already this morning. There will be lots of little prayers today, I am sure.

RM & PT are headed out of town today, through the weekend. With RM's birthday this past Sunday, and their anniversary coming up the 14th, PT *ALWAYS* wants to go somewhere out of town, just to do basically the same thing they do at home. My opinion, and not too far off mark, I am sure. I pray for their safe travels. Rm has asked at least twice about pushing their trip date off to another time, so she is able to be at Mayo for my procedure, and both times I told her no, to go. I do expect her at the actual transplant though.

My Older Sister called me yesterday. She wanted to apologize for not being able to make it for the procedure (she is in NM). I wasn't even expecting that ... even said so. She stated she will be here for my transplant though. She offered up prayers, which I gladly asked her to continue.

RM sent a BIM package home with my Wife yesterday. BIM is Because I'm Mom. She had mentioned something about it in her blog, but I had no idea what to expect. The jar of salsa was for the Youngest. But RM sent a box of some beef jerky (mmmm) and another box. I instantly went on alert. What would she send me that needs to be in a box? Well, I was busy when I got home last night (had Aux meeting) and forgot to even look in the box until this  morning. Now I believe it was last week, RM had sent me home with a study bible to help me work on my getting into the scripture and studying. It was one she had used before, but was not her favorite choice. I honestly have not had a chance to use it. Well, in this box she sent, it has a brand new, leather Jerimiah Study Bible. This one is her current favorite to use. As I read the daily devotional (she had sent that home last week as well) I followed up the verse in this study bible, just to see what it offers. I am impressed! I think this will be a great tool in my walk with God, and I am able to still use the other if I need clarification or something. Of course, RM included a personal, hand-written note, which made me tear up (but not cry!). Thanks Mom!

Well, today will be a bit busier than usual for me. I am getting a haircut, need to fuel up the car, need to wash said car (in and out), and have lunch. I think I am going to go to JTs Gyros over on 35th Ave & Greenway. I love their shwarma. Other than that, I'll just be grabbing a few things to put in a backpack to take. Tablet, phone, chargers, medical journal, note journal. Think I will forego the bibles for this trip.

And that's it...

I'm looking into essential oils. Which one is it that calms other people down? Chloroform? It's Chloroform isn't it?

PeacE

We Interrupt This Blog Post ...

 ... to take a pause and get some other things done. I have my CT today at about 12:50pm, which being in the middle of the day, really ruins things. I'll have time for my AA meeting at least. This morning I need to work on the minutes I have been putting off. So let's pause here until after the CT.

That was a lengthy pause. After the CT yesterday, the blog had slipped my mind completely. I think it has to do with doing it in the mornings and all. Either way ... CT went fine as far as I could tell. Lasted about an hour. I have the test results, but don't understand the mumbo-jumbo - even with the 'patient friendly' version. I wasn't whisked off anywhere, and they haven't told me anything negative, so that means I am good to go for Thursday. I swear they track me! I was home barely 10 minutes from Mayo when they called and went over the time schedule for food/water for Thursday. I'm going to be hungry coming out of it, but don't know what type of food I will eat (soup or solids). I think I'm okay with regular food as long as I feel up to it.

General VFW meeting tonight, but it is a special one for me. The Youngest finally okayed joining the Auxiliary!! Mainly it is to drive me to meetings, and be able to sit in the meeting versus out in the car. Besides, it might lead him to do some volunteering. At least he will get to see a portion of what I do for my "jobs" with the Post. I'm paying for his first year, as it is not terrible ($45). I printed off the app and my Dad's DD-214 last night to turn in with it all (I joined under my brother). Youngest will probably not go with me tonight, but will have to next month just to be inducted and receive his podium book.

Posting is going to be sporadic this week since I have the procedure on Thursday. Hopefully will be back on track by Saturday.

"When someone says "Stop!" I never know if it is in the name of love, Hammer Time, or if I am to collaborate and listen.

PeacE

I'm Tired

 Yesterday started off nicely. I woke, did my routine, felt fine to drive the 30 minutes to a VFW Post for our District meeting/training. I headed out with plenty of time. When I got there, I was getting my stuff from the car: put on my VFW Riders cut, which I haven't worn in awhile, grabbed my traveling office bag and locked up. I started to put the keys in the inner pocket on my vest, and found something: a pack of cigarettes, with three left in it. I guess I hadn't worn the cut in awhile! I had no strong craving/urge to smoke, and they would have been 'stale-tasting' I am sure. But I put it back in the pocket, so share the tale with RM and the Wife later. 

I guess I misunderstood a bit about these new trainings we are doing at District meetings. We still do our regular spilt Aux/Post meeting, then break for lunch, then start the training. I had plans and let my Aux Leader know I couldn't stay for the training part. My plans were to run by RM's, drop off her birthday present, visit a little, and head home with dinner at Olive Garden at 5pm. Well, I-10 runs within a quarter-mile of the Post, and unbeknownst to me, they closed Eastbound at like 8am (after I was at the Post). So traffic was terrible. Between the freeway detour, and the street I was one being one of the closest E-W through-streets, it was going to be a pain. In the first hour, I made it a quarter mile, but had managed to change streets to the one I wanted at least. This one ran N-S, but every mile is a through-street, and they were all backed up as everyone had the same idea to go over and catch another freeway. I decided to just stay on this street, as I believed it would go up to RM's. Of course not. But by then O was able to hop over to the 101 and head to RM's like normal. One hour, forty-five minutes it took to go about 16 miles. I could be at the Daughter's house in Tucson in that amount of time!

Well, I gave RM her present, visited for a bit, had my iced tea. I love how she always has iced available for me. I think it was about 3 when I headed home. Went to dinner at 5 with the birthday boy from yesterday (Middle Son). Youngest Son came as well. Oldest Son met us there. And of course, Doc, my grandson, was there. Reminds me I got a couple pics to send to RM, not good ones, as I hate doing pics. By the time we got home, I was almost falling sleep on my feet from being so worn-out. Between the traffic, sitting in the heat (even with a/c), and just stuff in general, I was wasted. So bad, I slept until almost 9a today. I know I needed it.

Welp, I gotta get out of here and get stuff done.

Don't be ashamed of who you are - that's your parents job.

PeacE

Racing the Clock ...

 That's a bit how I feel this morning. Woke up an hour earlier than usual (unintentionally) to start getting ready. I have a VFW District 3 training to attend today. It is all the way down in Tolleson. That sounds far, but by freeway it should only take about 30 minutes. It starts at 9am, and had it in my notes it ends about 1pm, but have seen other things that say 2pm. Either way, I am there all morning.

Yesterday was the Middle Son's 24th birthday. The Wife had the day off work (low census) and we invited him and the family to lunch at Seafood Harbor - my favorite Chinese buffet place close to home. He turned us down (the audacity!). Last night the Wife asked about inviting Middle Son again for tonight for an early dinner somewhere of his choosing. We are inviting the Oldest son and his GF as well. I'll hear updates from the Wife today about it all.

The Wife and Youngest have an appointment today with the Bank. I know we have been slow about it, and he has not pushed about it, and he doesn't have paychecks to deposit, so we never got around to setting up a bank account for him. Normally he could go anywhere, anytime to set one up, but he, like his brothers, want it linked to our account - in the way that the Wife (Not even I) can see the account, mainly in case we need to help them with some cash or something, it is easier to transfer the monies. Plus in this day and age, with everything starting to go cashless, he needs a card with money in an account. He is leaving for Cali in about a week and a half - ya never know ...

And with that, I need to get off here and do my quiet time before heading to the training.

PeacE

End of Week Rambles

 I'm a bit scatterbrained this morning. I slept well, even if I did wake about an hour early. I started my day: measured blood pressure (114/62) Beats/Min 75 Glucose 103) then took my medications for the morning. I got comfortable (in an office chair) and started to read today's chapter in this book. It started into 'forgiveness' and how it helps us, versus solves the problem. We don't have to forget the reasons we are giving/receiving forgiveness, but to truly forgive means counting it as resolved in our minds, and we shouldn't let those hurts/grievances affect us anymore. HE even leads into the next chapter to go more in-depth, by simply asking: Who do you need to forgive?

Yeah. I just zoned out for like 20 minutes. I wonder if it is the encephalopathy messing with me today.

So I think that is going to cut this short today. I actually shared on social media yesterday. I had to shout out to myself. It's not the bad kind of pride to want your achievements mentioned. Yesterday marked 11 months sobriety. I also stopped smoking over a month ago. I have lost about 100 pounds since September. Do I want any of that back? Heck no! So I am working on keeping it, and making it more of a lifestyle than a habit. Aside from all the medical, I do feel better as a body.

With that, I am out. I sat here zoning for too long...

"Do not touch" has to be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

PeacE

To The Guy That Discovered Milk ...

 ... What were you thinking at the time?

Even my mind doesn't want to delve into that line any further. But don't we all reflect at some point point, and ask that questions: What was I thinking? This role-reversal I am going through, from being so much of a pessimist to being an optimist more often, has me asking that question so much, I try to just put it out of my head when it stops by. I promptly say to myself, 'Self. Too bad. What's done is done'.

I'm running a bit later than my usual this morning (considering I slept until the alarm went off). I don't know where I got behind ... my quiet time? I'd like to think so, but truthfully I do not know. I do know I am quite tired today. The previous night I had mentioned I felt like I only napped. This smart ring actually told me it recorded no sleep pattern. So it must have registered the night as naps. So up at 4am yesterday.

Had the paracentesis at 9am. They did me dry at 9.8L. When I got home I weighed myself for a true weight, and I am down to 243 lbs. Then I ate a 5-meat Italian sub from Subway. The Wife had made meatloaf (with mashed potatoes on the side) the night before, and there was plenty of leftovers. I had some more of it last night for dinner. There's enough for lunch today as well. I forgot how much I love meatloaf!! I have ordered at restaurants, but theirs is usually tasteless, some kind of grey color, and just not good. But home-made? MMM, MMM, GOOD.

Like last month, the para brought on some muscle cramping. Particularly on my sides, just above my hips, and it HURTS! Way worse than a leg cramp (which one can sometimes walk off) as I cannot get it to stop until it wants to do so. Walking out of the hospital it hit, and thankfully there were some chairs at that part of the lobby. I had to sit about 10 minutes for it to go away. Now I look like an old man, hunched over, free hand grabbing my side, almost shuffling with a cane as I exit. Through in some tears that might have fallen, I probably looked like I should go back in! But I got the car (thank goodness for valet), picked up a prescription and lancets, my sub, and headed home. The rest of the day I stayed in, dealing with twinges of cramps, and the 'readjustment of organs' that always happens.

Nothing on the calendar today. Well, except bragging it is my 11th month of sobriety!! Hard to believe it has been almost a year. Even harder to imagine that I truly have not had more than a couple cravings for drink in all this time. I'm also over a month of no smoking. Those urges still visit me daily, but I am getting really good at getting rid of them.

This past week or so, I have started texting RM every morning. Before, I hardly ever called or text on my own. But it feels good to just text how she is like a ray of sunshine, and then I share an affirmation - my 'Today's Tidbit' which is usually some little funny. I type in Love you Mom while thinking of giving her a hug, and send it. She says she loves getting the texts, though I think it is more that she hears from me, because before I hardly communicated. Well, I was going through some of the few notebooks I have stacked up in here, mostly from the IOP, and came across my Funnies book. I had unofficially the sharer of the day's funny at the end of group each day. So I would scour the internet looking for decent, clean one liners or affirmations we could relate to, and wrote them down. So I thin k I will close out each day (for awhile anyways) with one each day here...

My doctor told me I was going deaf. It was hard to hear.

PeacE

Acceptance - The Sequel

 Tuesday in my AA Home Group a speaker usually joins us and shares their story (about 15 minutes) and either from their experiences or whatever, they pick a topic that we bounce around the group in discussion. Today's follows my previous post ... Usually it is something like 'acceptance of your faults', etc. but today it was just the word 'acceptance'.

The problem with being in a group you frequently see, you get 'tagged' from others in the group to talk. I have noticed a trend that most regulars will call only on other regulars. Personally, I try to bring in someone that is fairly new (to AA or to our group) but not like this is their first day new. Well, I don't know how my brain works, but when I wrote about acceptance, I think it was more situated around the medical/death scenario. By 11:30am, it was in a new place. I got tagged, of course.

Acceptance. For us it has a wide field of coverage throughout our lives. Acceptance of our drinking problem. Acceptance of a Higher Power. Acceptance of our faults. Acceptance in group - never been to an AA meeting I did not feel accepted. Except a couple times years ago (another story, another time). The list just goes on.

Some of it is hard to get through. Like me, I am working on issues with my acceptance of a Higher Power (God). I have accepted my drinking problem. I have accepted the wrongness of actions while I was drinking. I have accepted I may be attending meetings for the rest of my life ... needed or not. And I try to be accepting to others. Greeting people (even in zoom), thanking them for sharing (if they did). I try to never speak out in irritation because of a difference of opinion, or exclude/snub others even online.

I'm going to let that all marinate there for the rest of the day and night. Maybe I'll add more in the morning.

Welcome to the pre-morning, when the sun has yet to peek its bright self over the mountaintop, and scorch the Valley into a mild version of Hell. Yeah, I am up early. I woke around 4am and just could not go back to sleep. So did my quiet time, and now am getting the day started. I had even set an alarm for 30 minutes prior to my usual time, to allow me time to sit with God, since I have a paracentesis this morning. At least the time isn't being wasted.

Ended out yesterday with the House/Entertainment committee meetings. I have a couple days before I need to be sure the minutes are done and into our Adjutant, as there are points to bring up to the general Post meeting next Tuesday. I spoke to our Commander (who is also Treasurer for the Riders) about the voting that was to take place at National Convention, making the Riders a separate VSO (Veteran Service Organization) like the Auxiliary are. Verbally, unofficially, he said yes it passed. He had a picture of what the new unified patch will look like, too. I need to reach out to our state leadership to find out what is the next step we need to do to get all this started. State may be waiting instruction from National. I emailed out to the Riders the basic 'unofficial' information, the pic of the new patch, and listed details for a dinner the Riders are doing this month. No, RM, it is not a regular Riders Dinner. On 8/15 the Aux. had to cancel their steak fry due to members being at the MIT conference that weekend. The Riders are jumping in this one night to at least have some food available. It's just hotdogs/hamburgers with an added twist: I won't be there. I informed them all. I gave the info of who has signed up to help, who is bringing some food, a list of things we probably still need (cheese slices maybe, condiments depending on what is in the fridge at the Post). Then 2 days later is the Riders meeting, which I will need to try to attend. Hopefully I will be able. The TIPS is being done 8/13.

The Wife had meatloaf going when I got home. I haven't meatloaf in forever it seems, and this of course did not disappoint. She even added a layer of mozzarella cheese to the middle. Side of mashed potatoes...mmm, mmm good! Then she also added some of the juices from the pain on the mashed potatoes.... It was soooo good! I saw how much was leftover, and glad to see I might get two days out of it - as long as no one else touches it.

I got to nap a bit in the night, and here I am. Hope you have a great day!

PeacE