Car Dreams

 I think many of today's men (in my age range and more) and their childhoods, with memories of playing with Matchbox, or Hot Wheels, cars. We all had our favorites, too! I could not begin to guess the percentages of men that went on to become car fanatics: restoring, showing, driving - you name it. I ring this up because I had a car dream last night.

I had just woke up from a late night of carousing, so it was around mid-day. I was getting dressed and throwing clothes into the trash (they were worn, ripped holey jeans) until I found something appropriate to wear (shorts and tee). I grabbed my keys and hollared to the house (and the Wife I presume) 'Taking off! Taking my dream today!'. I walk out into the 5-bay garage (oh my goodness, am I rich?) and stride over to a gold colored Saturn. Yes, like the one I drove years ago. She shined in my eyes, and I felt my heart racing  knowing how her motor would feel as I cruised.

Now why a Saturn, no idea. But important in the dream is that it had a door lock system consisting of three electronic buttons. Well, different combinations would have the car do different things, like auto-start. Well, as I reach through the open window, and hit the switches, the car starts, then dies. I do this several times. I check the gas gauge - empty. No gas cans around the garage. I get in, and pressing the start thing on the electronic panel, I finally get it running and coaxing to stay running. I'm  off to the gas station. I get there, pay, hook up the pump, go inside. As I come out someone next to my car says he don't like the look of it and points. The driver front tire is held on by only one lug and is tilted to undrivable, but I get in, start it up and lean to the left. The car shifts up on that wheel so it is straight up, and I drive off.

That was it. Is there some deep-seated mental story behind it? I don't recall thinking about the Saturn yesterday at all. Some more of the dream is coming to mind now, but not enough to put it into words. Maybe it is just some random mind release whilst sleeping. Just weird.

AS of right now this morning I have not heard from Mayo Clinic. I do not know if they just did not have the time to put my case together to present yesterday, or they found more that 'needs to be done'. They have always called me in the past. Maybe I will just have to wait another week. Sigh. God is teaching patience with this.

I only have a couple zoom meetings on my agenda today. Tomorrow is the eye appt. then lunch with RM.

PeacE

When You Feel It Working

 This morning I am feeling pretty good. I believe my body got a caught up quite a bit and I don't feel as tired. I also feel God working in me today. I did my quiet time, and as I prayed, I just 'felt it' on the mental inside. It gives me more hope that I am not a lost cause, and I still have a purpose in God's Plan. Now to apply in life and keep the positive changes in practice.

Today is Wednesday, which means that Mayo Clinic does a review of cases that are up for the Waiting List. Mine has been there twice, both with the vote that there were some deferments (things to complete) to do prior to being on the list. This last round was only a Negative test result on the tox screen for Nicotine, which the outside lab gave results on Monday. I sent a message through the patient portal, to let Mayo be aware the results were in, and it cleared my last deferment. Tuesday morning I got a generic reply that they will review the results on they are final, and they turned off the availability to respond at all to the message thread. That in itself made me very angry. Either way, all I have heard from Mayo is a couple emails yesterday that test results were in, and I would look. It had to do with the colonoscopy bloodwork, or the report for the procedure. Nothing on the tox screen. So as of this moment, I have not heard anything about it going to review today (this week). Perhaps I will get a call this evening informing me otherwise. They usually do call when a decision has been made after a case review.

This last week I have had some of the side effects of the TIPS start to show up. My feet and lower legs have swollen a bit due to fluid retention. "Liver Spotting" on my arms is happening more. That's the red markings like when you bump your arm too hard, or I get them from needle sites from the IVs. Sometimes I get them from just scratching an itch. Also am getting some bruising that I know not from where it comes. Right now it is fading fast, but who knows if it will come back. I haven't noticed any increase/decrease in the encephalopathy factors - I probably wouldn't remember anyways.

My schedule is clear of appointments until Friday morning when I go do my yearly diabetic eye exam. The past 2-3 years have been fine, and I expect no change this year. Then with my eyes dilated I am heading on out to RM's to visit, have lunch, stop at the bank, before heading back home for the day.

All my candies are in! I have hard candies, jelly beans, and spiced gum drops! The "twenty four hours a day" book arrived yesterday as well. I need to learn to read descriptions better. This little hardback is literally smaller than my phone, but each page does contain a prayer, an AA Though of the day, and a meditational thought. I will add it to my quiet time reads and see how things go. I finished "Restore", and although it wasn't overall really what I was looking for, it did have some good information. I am just not sure what to do with the book now. I have very limited space to keep it. Maybe I will hang on to it a bit and see if I come across anyone that could possibly benefit from it and just give it to them. I am flipping back to the other book I had started, "Demolishing Doubt" and see where it goes.

I think that is all I have today.

PeacE

Results Of Our Actions

 I am tired this morning. I should clarify, I am sleepy-tired this morning. I do not know if it is maybe some residual effect from anesthesia, or just the body needing more rest (or both). Either way, there is a nap somewhere on my clear schedule today, be it this morning, or afternoon. Probably afternoon, as I would like to make my AA group this morning.

I also feel pretty fat in the tummy. It's not pressure related like the ascites build-up (though I do have that going on) but I think from eating yesterday. Being allowed to eat less restricted than I was for the cleansing, I might have ate too much throughout the day. I know I do not feel hungry at all currently, and I usually have to eat something with my meds or get nausea. Not today. So I'm just sipping on a beer (c'mon, it's root beer).

More for Papaw's stash should be arriving today. The package today is spiced gumdrops. Also a devotional specifically geared towards alcoholics called simply "Twenty Fours A Day" I bought it in hardback (thrift books only had paperback). I'm hoping it fits my needs I feel I need at this time in my quiet time with God.

I finally did decide to do a Prayer journal, listing specific people and their needs, except those that if someone were to read, would be sharing with people I shouldn't. Those I'll keep in another place. This way I will remember better what I am praying for for that person. With my memory issues, that is important.

I had a message reply this morning from Mayo regarding the lab tox screen results. I instantly got angry and prepared to type out a scathing reply, then stopped. Their reply was basically "Thank you for letting us know you completed the appointment. We will review results when they become official". Generic. My name wasn't mentioned, nor any particular of my case. I think this is the first time since I started with Mayo, that I feel they have let me down. This reply felt like someone that did not read through the last part of the email chain, that the appointment was done and they were contacted LAST week to watch for results; I was letting them know the results were ready and they needed to get them to try to get my case to the review this week as this was a final issue; and though it sounds bad, I really felt this was someone that was lazy and was just throwing out generic replies to maybe a large amount of incoming messages to "be caught up" in their work. Sigh. I sighed. I did not reply anything, but I prayed for patience. This is moving at God's speed, and it will happen when he wants it to happen.

With that said, I think I am out of topic today.

PeacE

Papaw Has The Goods

 A few short nights ago, I was awakened early, and like most times when I am wakened that early, I was pretty wide awake. I did the usual ... go to the office and to get on the computer - to try to find something that makes me sleepy. I noticed the Daughter was still online in Discord, and in voice chat, so I decided to pop on and say hi. I guess she is up late/early with her youngest (my Widget) as she was awake. So as we both played a game on our own, we talked a little bit. I mentioned that I thought I was out of hard candy, which I could have whilst not eating for the colon cleanse. I mean, c'mon! Papaw always has candy on him!

I think the last time RM "ran something" up to the Wife's work it was a box of beef jerky strips. I think it was that same time she sent a cannister of the hard candies like I remember having sitting in a bowl at Grandma's house. I called it Granny Candy, and loved it because it was a hard candy that sometimes had a sweet filling in the middle of the piece. It was a brand name that had been around awhile. I think RM picked it up because of some discussion we had, or my monologue about it. 

So, long story longer ... I was looking to see if I could buy this candy in bulk, at least larger than the cannister RM had bought (which was gone and empty already). After a brief skim through Google, it looked like Amazon had some of the better deals, so then I searched there. I found a 5 lb. bulk bag of hard candy - a mixture of Jolly Rancher brand fruit candies, starlite mints (red & green) and the little individual wrapped fruit ones. All for about $20. Into the cart it went.

Now I was looking at candy, and knowing I was "out" at home, I started craving more. I looked up spiced gumdrops. Mmmm, little pricey for 5lb. and could not guarantee freshness (so they aren't dried/aged hard as a rock). Uh oh. Jelly beans. Just regular mix of jelly beans - none of the Jelly Belly flavored, or 'gourmet blend' bags. But got a 5lb. bag of regular ones of the standard flavor variety. They are smaller than regular jelly beans, but it'll work. Haven't tried them yet, as it isn't a hard candy approved for the cleanse. BTW - first two cups of the drink is down this morning, two to go.

Hmmm, guess I was wrong. I did order the spiced gumdrops and have a 5lb. bag being delivered tomorrow. As well as a devotional book called "Twenty-Four Hours A Day" and  it is a meditation book for those in recovery offers daily thoughts, meditations, and prayers for living a clean and sober life. We have used it before for discussion topics for my AA meetings, so I went ahead and got it (hardback). I did check the thrift books site RM uses, but they only had it in paperback.

So Papaw is once again stocked with candy (I don't eat it much at home because of watching my glucose being near diabetic). Plus some daily reading to go with my quiet time. I have had several questions pop up in my mind that I wanted to ring to discussion at lunch on Friday with RM, but I was no where near a notebook to write it down (sacrilegious!). I need to get better at jotting down my notes - I had gotten out of practice with not going out much. Well, worse case is I remember it later and just email ask her. I know she would love to be able to answer some questions with her experiences/interpretations.

Well, it is 4:30am, and I officially am done with the colon-cleanse drink. Nothing to eat or drink now until after the procedure. I am not expecting them to find anything that would hold me up from the transplant list. I am still waiting the results of the tox screen I did last Wednesday. Would love to get a call later this week letting me know I finally made the list.

Have the day you deserve....

PeacE

The Squirrels Got Me

 I forgot to call last week and start setting up some appointments for paracenteses. I guess when I reach out tomorrow (when I can) I'll have to see how far out they are right now. I do have ascites build-up already, but not nearly as much as usual at this time (that make sense?). I figure I set one for each week for now, I can cancel if needed. Like I did before basically.

I got sidetracked with all the prep for the colonoscopy tomorrow morning. I have not had much in solid foods. I have gone through some broth though! I heat up a 2-cup mug in the microwave, then add a packet (about a ketchup packet size) of siracha, and just a touch of a multi-spice I like ... and voila! So good! I'll be having more today! The Wife had went to the store yesterday, and I actually gave her a mini-list of some items I wanted/needed. Broth was at the top (we were out at home) and I git some other things for lunches this week, or snacks. Almost wish I hadn't because last night I kept wanting to get into some of the stuff, but no solid foods!

Today I have taken the pills they said to take. I need to mix the 64-oz jug solution (for drinking this afternoon/evening) and had at least a couple trips to the bathroom just while trying to write here. Maybe TMI ... I don't care. I need to weigh myself just before leaving for Mayo tomorrow morning, and compare to what they get, and that will be my weight.

Still waiting to see results from the tox screen this last week. Fingers are crossed.

Friday this week I get to meet up with RM for lunch!! Friday I have my yearly diabetic eye screening, and their offices are about 1/2 way between RM and I. There will be eye dilation, so the plan is for me to continue out to her place, and visit a bit before heading to lunch. Then back to my car (eyes should have adjusted back by then) for the drive home. I think we decided on Red Robin, for salads, but don't remember for sure.

Youngest should be back from his 'California Adventure' sometime this evening. I hope so. He is the one to drive me tomorrow morning to my colonoscopy. I should double-check with my Brother, as I asked him to back-up if needed. I need to be sure he is available still, and then let him know by tonight if I need him. 

Okay, I need to get out of here. I still have meeting minutes to do, and agenda, as well as play my video games and void the system all day.

PeacE

A Day With the Wife ... Sorta

 Today I have a pretty easy schedule. Both are at Mayo in Scottsdale: a blood draw for some tests, and an ultra-sound to take a look at the stent from the TIPS. This is just a routine follow-up to be sure nothing has "come loose" or gone wrong. Both are in the 9 o'clock hour time frame, so I am thinking lunch somewhere with the Wife. She took today off work to drive me since the Youngest is out of town for a couple more days. After that, I see myself playing video games.

I think I am doing pretty good with my time I set aside each morning to do my praying, etc. It's the evenings I don't make time for review of the day and did I do anyone wrong, etc. I just do those in the morning. RM has mentioned she keeps a prayer journal, of those she is praying for (and if they are sick, or whatever) as long as it is something that isn't overly personal. I have thought about doing one as well, just to remember daily who to pray for, since my memory is still not the greatest. I might go to Dollar Tree and get a cheap notebook to try it out for awhile. IF it works for me, then I could upgrade the notebook. Or not.

I am probably about three chapters from finishing the book "Restore" that I have been trying to read a chapter per day in. I think it is an okay read. There are a few sections that actually seem to have some idea(s) that I was looking for. But I think most of it should be directed to an alcoholic, like in the AA program. There is quite a bit I wish I knew about (re)starting my relationship with God in AA than I did. This would be a good fill in for explanations of addictions with some stories as well. I think it will be a book I pass along to like my Home group when we meet in person sometimes.

Speaking of that, I guess we are doing a "private party" event Saturday. There is a speaker sharing their story this Saturday about noon at a church not too far from my house, about 35th Ave and Northern. I think it is someone the ones in my group know from over the years. Then afterwards going to lunch together at Wildflower at 7th St and Bethany Home. I don't know if I want to really go to Wildflower, it's not my kind of restaurant, but I will take a look at the menu before deciding. Then I need to decide if I want to drive that much. But I was invited to the grouping ... which was nice.

No true idea on how I feel today. With the recent TIPS, and doing the prep clean-out for the colonoscopy, I am not quite sure where I sit with just my regular meds and all. I'm not feeling bad, just not 100% myself.

And with that, I am out of here. I need to wake the Wife and we will head out in about 45 minutes.

PeacE

Talk About Not Wanting To Drink

 I am on Day 5 of the week countdown before the colonoscopy. You know what that means ... things are about to get really busy here soon. I have been drinking the Miralax stuff the past couple of days (stool softener) and yesterday when I had my regular BM, I thought I was done, but a whole 'nother round came out of equal amount. Surely the tubes are clean! I know they are not, completely. But here I am am whining to you, and drinking this morning's cocktail. At least it is unflavored - even if two years ago I liked the lightly flavored orange (I think it was) version.

Met the new PCP yesterday. I think I like this guy. I gave them an update medication and dosage spreadsheet I have, so they could update their file. I explained Mayo is pretty much in charge right now. He agreed to step back and let them go. He took a lot of notes while asking me questions. After about 10 minutes, he looked me in the eye, says you are more informed about your situation and what is going to happen than any patient I have seen in quite awhile. How about we go 6 months and touch base then? I was like Sure! And I was done. I do go back 10/19 for the last two vaccine shots still though.

After that it was finding something for breakfast low-fiber, and soft. I opted for a couple burritos from a 'Berto Bros. - what? Chorizo, egg, potatoes, and cheese is soft! I barely ate one. I have the other to eat half of for breakfast (more like lunch) today. Have my drug screening labs to do today. Hoping for test results by end of week, to see if that Nicotine is Negative... Followed with a paracentesis next door at 9am. I think they'll drain 5-7 L today. New doc's orders to be turned in as well.

Okay, I have to do my quiet time and then leave. Y'all have a good 'un, ya hear?

PeacE