The Wife and I had a good talk last night. We talked about the upcoming chance to be on the Wait List, and how it will proceed from there. We talked about her viewpoint of the whole liver thing, and my wonderful Wife is so supportive. I have several mixed feelings about the whole thing, and fear is not one of them. Right now I feel more frustrated and out-of-control than anything. Mayo controls what happens. They are the ones that have made all these requirements for me to meet, and I have as fast as I could. These past couple months, just have been disappointing to me. Cannot tell if the TIPS procedure is working properly. I know they said it could take a few short months to see a major difference, but I'm still draining 9+ liters a week. To me, that sounds like it isn't making a difference.
So I have been a sheep these past couple months. Take my meds, do a paracentesis each week, come in for labs when they want me to. All this time doesn't count towards any end goal, except to get approved for the list. I understand there was a procedure, they changed up meds, they need to monitor with labwork for a couple months to make sure nothing goes wrong. But it is frustrating to sit here and do nothing basically.
Giving it all to God, and letting him handle has worked for the earlier part of things, but now, I feel like I want control back, to tell/make them do what I think is in my best interest, though it be or not be. God and I talked about that this morning, and again, I relinquished the situation. I'm calmer now, but still a jumble of emotions.
Enough of that.... I went up to the Post yesterday. I thought it'd be nice to see some of the guys since I have only been there mostly for meetings lately. I sat there from 1pm-3pm, and there was only two of us at the bar. So I left.I spent the rest of the evening playing games.
Today I will be completing the minutes and agenda I have been putting off. And that's all I have planned.
PeacE
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