This past week has been very, very tiring. This morning I feel almost back to normal, like I have caught up on my sleep. The weekend even felt like a typical weekend for me. I didn't do anything special, but it was good to get back into a routine so to speak.
The family seems to have rebounded pretty well with the FIL's passing. MIL is doing fine as far as I can tell. Services won't be until April, so there is yet a couple weeks (plus) before things will get all emotional again for them. Definitely not looking forward to that time.
It will be nice to day to get the new tire for my van. I have had that dang donut spare on there since Friday, when one tire decided to give up it's last breath. The tire was nice enough to wait until I was parked before doing so, at least. In the process, I found a good tire place that is cheaper than Discount Tire by quite a bit. I shall be going there this morning in the next few hours.
Still dealing with a bit of a sore throat. Had what seemed a minor sinus infection come on last week, and thought it appears to have cleared up, there is some residual going on. Hence the sore throat. I a hoping it hasn't actually turned into something else. I didn't want to go to the doctor to only have him give me some antibiotics and say to rest. I'll give it a few more days to see if it clears up or gets worse, though at the moment, it seems to be getting better.
That's all I got today. I am sure I will be piecing together what plans need to get done this week as I go.
PeacE
Monday, March 11
Friday, March 8
Almost a Happy Birthday
Today would have marked the 65th birthday of my Dad, if he were still alive. Over the past 28 years, the memories I still have of him in my life have faded somewhat. Many are fuzzy, and some are just more of a feeling than others. I don't get over sentimental about today, though, I admit in certain pass years I seemed more depressed on this day, or around this date, than other years. This year, I don't find my self feeling bad about Dad not being here still. Though, I am a bit heavy-hearted about my FIL's passing away.
I've been trying to come up with a memory of time with my Dad to share with you today. One that isn't too personal, but yet reminiscent of the time we had together. There are always bits that keep popping up in my mind, but no particular story to go with them.
Back when we were bachelors, Dad & I, before he remarried, we had a few "hobbies" we liked to partake of. In the nicer weather times, we would often spend most of a Saturday afternoon on his motorcycle, cruising whatever direction called to us. At times it felt we had been on every country road and highway in the Clinton County and surrounding areas. Trips via farm roads towards Kokomo, or Monticello, were common. Sometimes we would just head north through Logansport, Rochester, through some of the Amish area around Wakarusa, to visit my grandparents, uncles and aunts in Elkhart.
When we weren't on the motorcycle on the nice days, we probably were fishing. While living in Kirklin, we fished the reservoir at Cicero. We also had a nice spot by this bridge on a county road I can't remember the number of, where we could fish in Sugar Creek. Once we moved into Frankfort though, we found some place new. There was a couple man-made lakes about 10 miles out, that they would charge like $3 a day per pole. If I remember right, it was called B&B Lakes. They weren't large, but they stocked them well. Many a weekend we would pay the extra to camp overnight in the tent there, cat fishing in the dark hours with the bells clipped to our pole ends. One year when I was in scouts, trying for a hiking merit badge, we even planned out a 10-mile hike that ended there. Carrying our packs stuffed with our camping gear, MREs, fishing tackle. Dad had served in the Army (Vietnam '68-'69) so he literally out marched me there. That hike was spent doing civic duty as well, as we collected tin and aluminum cans from the roadside. When we returned home, a magnet would help us sort them, then send to a recycling center for a few dollars. Also about that time I had a beer can collection and was able to add a few to it.
I always had a great time fishing with Dad. He taught me about how to tie hooks on the line, that to not bother catching carp because of the mud vein, how to hold the barbs on a catfish so you didn't 'stick' yourself when getting the hook out. we would sit there watching our lines/bobbers and he would eventually start telling me stories of his younger days, or occasionally one of his war stories. We would make plans about where we would like to ride to on our next trip, about family, and racing. The Indianapolis 500 was the first race I ever attended. It was 1978, and two of my uncles had driven down from Elkhart the night before. We lived in Kirklin then. I remember staying up most the night learning to play poker with the men, using chips, and then the seemingly long walk at the track. We sat on the inside track on the grass. I recall seeing pictures years later that Dad had taken at that race. I don't have them now though. I fell in love with Formula 1 racing back then. Now it has moved on to Nascar, as I don't care much for the open wheel racing much anymore. I was back a couple years ago to the 500 Museum, and though it had been remodeled since my first visit so many years ago, I still felt like the kid I was when Dad took me there. Even did the ride around the track. That was something.
Enjoy your Friday.
PeacE
I've been trying to come up with a memory of time with my Dad to share with you today. One that isn't too personal, but yet reminiscent of the time we had together. There are always bits that keep popping up in my mind, but no particular story to go with them.
Back when we were bachelors, Dad & I, before he remarried, we had a few "hobbies" we liked to partake of. In the nicer weather times, we would often spend most of a Saturday afternoon on his motorcycle, cruising whatever direction called to us. At times it felt we had been on every country road and highway in the Clinton County and surrounding areas. Trips via farm roads towards Kokomo, or Monticello, were common. Sometimes we would just head north through Logansport, Rochester, through some of the Amish area around Wakarusa, to visit my grandparents, uncles and aunts in Elkhart.
When we weren't on the motorcycle on the nice days, we probably were fishing. While living in Kirklin, we fished the reservoir at Cicero. We also had a nice spot by this bridge on a county road I can't remember the number of, where we could fish in Sugar Creek. Once we moved into Frankfort though, we found some place new. There was a couple man-made lakes about 10 miles out, that they would charge like $3 a day per pole. If I remember right, it was called B&B Lakes. They weren't large, but they stocked them well. Many a weekend we would pay the extra to camp overnight in the tent there, cat fishing in the dark hours with the bells clipped to our pole ends. One year when I was in scouts, trying for a hiking merit badge, we even planned out a 10-mile hike that ended there. Carrying our packs stuffed with our camping gear, MREs, fishing tackle. Dad had served in the Army (Vietnam '68-'69) so he literally out marched me there. That hike was spent doing civic duty as well, as we collected tin and aluminum cans from the roadside. When we returned home, a magnet would help us sort them, then send to a recycling center for a few dollars. Also about that time I had a beer can collection and was able to add a few to it.
I always had a great time fishing with Dad. He taught me about how to tie hooks on the line, that to not bother catching carp because of the mud vein, how to hold the barbs on a catfish so you didn't 'stick' yourself when getting the hook out. we would sit there watching our lines/bobbers and he would eventually start telling me stories of his younger days, or occasionally one of his war stories. We would make plans about where we would like to ride to on our next trip, about family, and racing. The Indianapolis 500 was the first race I ever attended. It was 1978, and two of my uncles had driven down from Elkhart the night before. We lived in Kirklin then. I remember staying up most the night learning to play poker with the men, using chips, and then the seemingly long walk at the track. We sat on the inside track on the grass. I recall seeing pictures years later that Dad had taken at that race. I don't have them now though. I fell in love with Formula 1 racing back then. Now it has moved on to Nascar, as I don't care much for the open wheel racing much anymore. I was back a couple years ago to the 500 Museum, and though it had been remodeled since my first visit so many years ago, I still felt like the kid I was when Dad took me there. Even did the ride around the track. That was something.
Enjoy your Friday.
PeacE
Tuesday, March 5
After the Party is Over
Edit: This is a canned post. Mostly because it was on my mind, and I wasn't sure when I would have time to post otherwise.
Tuesday 3/5
From the past few posts (days) I've shared that my FIL had been hospitalized, and things were not looking very well on him recovering. Today, the hospice people showed up and got the ball going, to get him transferred from the hospital to their facility. It isn't far, being maybe 3 miles away from the hospital. By noon, he was in the hospice, and I had arrived. Mostly I went to help give support to the Wife, and see if there was any needed errands, etc for me to do. I could have done it by phone, but better to appear in person. Within minutes of me being there, my FIL passed away.
Tears flowed, as expected. Calls made, planning for cremation (his choice) and all those needed things done. The hospice was allowed to have his body at rest there for up to 16 hours, as the family was hoping on the son driving from FL would be able to at least say goodbye to the physical body. I found out later, he would not make it to town in time, as he needed some sleep, having drove over 20 hours to get here. We expect him in late tonight/early morning. MIL has been going strong through it all. This was expected to happen, it was a matter of when. The Wife is there to help with MIL burden the shoulder oft hings to be done, to be sure she eats, support.
Personally I have had a somewhat hard time. Old scars breaking open, as I, too, know what it is to lose a father. My FIL has been a father to me over these past 22+ years, that it is almost like losing my first one all over again. My tough man facade has been dropping to pieces and I feel like I can't control it at times. All part of the grieving process I know. That doesn't help any though, the knowing.
Bill Jones, my FIL, was a good man. HE worked for the American Missionary Fellowship for over 40 years, over-seeing the state of Arizona for almost all of them. Started so many congregations in the smaller towns, that I lost count. He was a man that would drop everything to come help you with a problem, even if he didn't know how to fix it, he would be there if you needed it. He gave so much time to his work for Christ, to his family, to everyone. Bill gave me his daughter's hand in marriage, and we know how much that means to me. Dad will be one that so many will miss by the loss of his physical presence.
For you Dad, heard it within minutes of you passing.... and you are now part of that number.
PeacE
Just a Follow Up
This morning, as I was preparing the two younger boys for school, I called the Wife. She had spent the night at the hospital with family, the Daughter, and the oldest son, in the even that FIL passed away. This morning's update, as of an hour ago, is that he is still hanging on.
The Wife has four older brothers, and two live close enough that they were able to be here yesterday for the family decision. Both were there till with their families when I brought the two younger sons home last night. Another brother is driving in from Florida, since it would be a minimum of 32 hours to get here for a flight (from where he is at I guess). This morning, the last update I heard was he was in Texas somewhere, so he is over halfway total distance, though I am sure he is very tired.
The Wife mentioned on this morning's communique that she felt FIL was holding on, knowing that the one son was driving here as fast as possible to see him before he passes. I blow it off to wishful thinking, but what do I know about death and all? I only feel bad that the other son is not able to make arrangements to be here, all due to things beyond his control at the moment.
So, basically, I feel I am sitting in limbo. I told the Wife if she needed me to call. I am spending the morning here at home. I don't handle hospitals well... some mental carry-over from all the days spent there when my Dad was sick with cancer, and other things. Obviously this has brought up many memories I don't care to re-hash.
Not a great thing, but I wish I had some booze around right now....
PeacE
The Wife has four older brothers, and two live close enough that they were able to be here yesterday for the family decision. Both were there till with their families when I brought the two younger sons home last night. Another brother is driving in from Florida, since it would be a minimum of 32 hours to get here for a flight (from where he is at I guess). This morning, the last update I heard was he was in Texas somewhere, so he is over halfway total distance, though I am sure he is very tired.
The Wife mentioned on this morning's communique that she felt FIL was holding on, knowing that the one son was driving here as fast as possible to see him before he passes. I blow it off to wishful thinking, but what do I know about death and all? I only feel bad that the other son is not able to make arrangements to be here, all due to things beyond his control at the moment.
So, basically, I feel I am sitting in limbo. I told the Wife if she needed me to call. I am spending the morning here at home. I don't handle hospitals well... some mental carry-over from all the days spent there when my Dad was sick with cancer, and other things. Obviously this has brought up many memories I don't care to re-hash.
Not a great thing, but I wish I had some booze around right now....
PeacE
Monday, March 4
Losing The Battle
I am taking a moment to talk about my FIL tonight, rather than the morning, as I have no clue as to what/where I will be.
As I mentioned before, my FIL has battked Parkinson's for the past few years. In that struggle, his health has deteriorated, lost his ability to communicate, and all of his mobility. Thursday, after noticing his breathing was more labored and raspy/croupy sounding, we found out he had what they described as mild pneumonia. A prescription antibiotic was given. Friday, his breathing was worse, and he was admitted to one of the local hospitals. Dad's Living Will called for a DNR, and if treatment was needed, it was to be non-invasive. At least, that is how I understand what was told to me. The hospital had to put him on IV's and a BPAP machine to assist in breathing. As of this morning, he had not been asleep for over 24 hours, and the Wife had the impression it may be that he was scared to sleep - of not being able to wake up again.
Either way, we spent the day at the hospital, excluding a side trip for me to pick up the boys from school, and the family made a decision to go with a 'comfort care' program with a hospice. Basically meaning all machines IVs etc would be removed, and if he able to be transported, would go to a hospice facility, where they would administer whatever drugs needed for comfort, and basically, he would be comfortable until he passed. The doctor said that once removed, he did not expect my FIL to last the remainder of the day. It was about two hours ago (from now) that they removed everything, and he was still holding on, though had "relaxed" a bit due to the morphine they gave him. The Wife is there with most of the family, waiting for him to pass pretty much.
Obviously the tears have been flowing from the family, especially the Daughter, Wife and MIL. I am a bit mixed about it all. I have been on edge due to lack of sleeping well (the Wife being gone at night) and trying to get what needs done, done. I have been through the passing of a parent, and understand it is an emotional thing. Today I spent the day trying to support the Wife, being that shoulder for her. In some ways I feel I have been an asshole, my apathy for such things taking over. Maybe it is just my way with dealing with it. I don't know.
Life is going to be shitty for awhile, so don't be surprised if I can't any dumb posts up for you to ignore.
PeacE
As I mentioned before, my FIL has battked Parkinson's for the past few years. In that struggle, his health has deteriorated, lost his ability to communicate, and all of his mobility. Thursday, after noticing his breathing was more labored and raspy/croupy sounding, we found out he had what they described as mild pneumonia. A prescription antibiotic was given. Friday, his breathing was worse, and he was admitted to one of the local hospitals. Dad's Living Will called for a DNR, and if treatment was needed, it was to be non-invasive. At least, that is how I understand what was told to me. The hospital had to put him on IV's and a BPAP machine to assist in breathing. As of this morning, he had not been asleep for over 24 hours, and the Wife had the impression it may be that he was scared to sleep - of not being able to wake up again.
Either way, we spent the day at the hospital, excluding a side trip for me to pick up the boys from school, and the family made a decision to go with a 'comfort care' program with a hospice. Basically meaning all machines IVs etc would be removed, and if he able to be transported, would go to a hospice facility, where they would administer whatever drugs needed for comfort, and basically, he would be comfortable until he passed. The doctor said that once removed, he did not expect my FIL to last the remainder of the day. It was about two hours ago (from now) that they removed everything, and he was still holding on, though had "relaxed" a bit due to the morphine they gave him. The Wife is there with most of the family, waiting for him to pass pretty much.
Obviously the tears have been flowing from the family, especially the Daughter, Wife and MIL. I am a bit mixed about it all. I have been on edge due to lack of sleeping well (the Wife being gone at night) and trying to get what needs done, done. I have been through the passing of a parent, and understand it is an emotional thing. Today I spent the day trying to support the Wife, being that shoulder for her. In some ways I feel I have been an asshole, my apathy for such things taking over. Maybe it is just my way with dealing with it. I don't know.
Life is going to be shitty for awhile, so don't be surprised if I can't any dumb posts up for you to ignore.
PeacE
How Much Longer...?
Last Thursday morning I got a call from the MIL about getting the FIL to an emergency Doctor's appointment. She said his breathing was becoming a bit labored, and wanted to have it all checked out. So I spent the greater part of the morning lifting FIL from bed to chair, to car, to chair, etc, etc. And sitting int he doctor's office...waiting. He ended up being diagnosed with mild pneumonia, and they sent him home with a prescription for something for it. I am sure it was some sort of antibiotics.
Friday night, whilst at home the Wife gets a call from the MIL, that FIL's breathing has gotten worse (again) and so the two of them take him to the ER. As typical for emergency room service, unless you are bleeding out, they spent most of the night getting him looked at. He was admitted. Saturday, the Wife spent the day with her mom at the hospital, where it looked like the FIL was getting better. Sunday came, and I spent the morning with friends, the Wife was going to swing by the hospital after church, and see how things were going. I guess they got worse. Throughout the afternoon and evening, the boys and I worked around the house: cleaning, removing one large bush from the front yard, and misc grass clipping.
The Wife made it home about 3 am. I had been waking almost every 30 minutes since about 10:30pm when I went to bed, as I was waiting to see when she would come home. One of the BIL and his family have come to town with the FIL being in the hospital, and the Daughter came up from Tucson as well. Needless to say this morning I am the one getting the kids up and ready and to school (something that is not my norm).
No clue if FIL is going to pull through this. As of last night the breathing was labored. They were waiting forever for a pulmonologist to come by last night, but he never showed. I guess I will find out more later, as the Wife has today off work to return to the hospital.
PeacE
Friday night, whilst at home the Wife gets a call from the MIL, that FIL's breathing has gotten worse (again) and so the two of them take him to the ER. As typical for emergency room service, unless you are bleeding out, they spent most of the night getting him looked at. He was admitted. Saturday, the Wife spent the day with her mom at the hospital, where it looked like the FIL was getting better. Sunday came, and I spent the morning with friends, the Wife was going to swing by the hospital after church, and see how things were going. I guess they got worse. Throughout the afternoon and evening, the boys and I worked around the house: cleaning, removing one large bush from the front yard, and misc grass clipping.
The Wife made it home about 3 am. I had been waking almost every 30 minutes since about 10:30pm when I went to bed, as I was waiting to see when she would come home. One of the BIL and his family have come to town with the FIL being in the hospital, and the Daughter came up from Tucson as well. Needless to say this morning I am the one getting the kids up and ready and to school (something that is not my norm).
No clue if FIL is going to pull through this. As of last night the breathing was labored. They were waiting forever for a pulmonologist to come by last night, but he never showed. I guess I will find out more later, as the Wife has today off work to return to the hospital.
PeacE
Friday, March 1
Friday Is Here... Thank Goodness
Normally Fridays are somewhat hectic for me. Trying to get everything done that needed to get done that week, that somehow got pushed back. But today shall be a relaxing day. I was going to start it off good, by going to the gym after dropping the oldest at school. But that didn't happen. I wimped out. I decided I did not feel like going, and would just be a good boy and eat better this weekend, then start the cycle over on Monday. I had mentioned to PT that I planned on being there this morning, so I am sure he will eb looking for me... oops!
No big plans for the weekend. Some friends and I were talking about meeting up at another friend's house tonight, but I am not sure it is going to happen at this point. It's only morning though, so who knows. No softball on Sunday, so I will sleep in that day I guess.
Yeah, life sounds pretty boring about now.
PeacE
No big plans for the weekend. Some friends and I were talking about meeting up at another friend's house tonight, but I am not sure it is going to happen at this point. It's only morning though, so who knows. No softball on Sunday, so I will sleep in that day I guess.
Yeah, life sounds pretty boring about now.
PeacE
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