Papaw Has The Goods

 A few short nights ago, I was awakened early, and like most times when I am wakened that early, I was pretty wide awake. I did the usual ... go to the office and to get on the computer - to try to find something that makes me sleepy. I noticed the Daughter was still online in Discord, and in voice chat, so I decided to pop on and say hi. I guess she is up late/early with her youngest (my Widget) as she was awake. So as we both played a game on our own, we talked a little bit. I mentioned that I thought I was out of hard candy, which I could have whilst not eating for the colon cleanse. I mean, c'mon! Papaw always has candy on him!

I think the last time RM "ran something" up to the Wife's work it was a box of beef jerky strips. I think it was that same time she sent a cannister of the hard candies like I remember having sitting in a bowl at Grandma's house. I called it Granny Candy, and loved it because it was a hard candy that sometimes had a sweet filling in the middle of the piece. It was a brand name that had been around awhile. I think RM picked it up because of some discussion we had, or my monologue about it. 

So, long story longer ... I was looking to see if I could buy this candy in bulk, at least larger than the cannister RM had bought (which was gone and empty already). After a brief skim through Google, it looked like Amazon had some of the better deals, so then I searched there. I found a 5 lb. bulk bag of hard candy - a mixture of Jolly Rancher brand fruit candies, starlite mints (red & green) and the little individual wrapped fruit ones. All for about $20. Into the cart it went.

Now I was looking at candy, and knowing I was "out" at home, I started craving more. I looked up spiced gumdrops. Mmmm, little pricey for 5lb. and could not guarantee freshness (so they aren't dried/aged hard as a rock). Uh oh. Jelly beans. Just regular mix of jelly beans - none of the Jelly Belly flavored, or 'gourmet blend' bags. But got a 5lb. bag of regular ones of the standard flavor variety. They are smaller than regular jelly beans, but it'll work. Haven't tried them yet, as it isn't a hard candy approved for the cleanse. BTW - first two cups of the drink is down this morning, two to go.

Hmmm, guess I was wrong. I did order the spiced gumdrops and have a 5lb. bag being delivered tomorrow. As well as a devotional book called "Twenty-Four Hours A Day" and  it is a meditation book for those in recovery offers daily thoughts, meditations, and prayers for living a clean and sober life. We have used it before for discussion topics for my AA meetings, so I went ahead and got it (hardback). I did check the thrift books site RM uses, but they only had it in paperback.

So Papaw is once again stocked with candy (I don't eat it much at home because of watching my glucose being near diabetic). Plus some daily reading to go with my quiet time. I have had several questions pop up in my mind that I wanted to ring to discussion at lunch on Friday with RM, but I was no where near a notebook to write it down (sacrilegious!). I need to get better at jotting down my notes - I had gotten out of practice with not going out much. Well, worse case is I remember it later and just email ask her. I know she would love to be able to answer some questions with her experiences/interpretations.

Well, it is 4:30am, and I officially am done with the colon-cleanse drink. Nothing to eat or drink now until after the procedure. I am not expecting them to find anything that would hold me up from the transplant list. I am still waiting the results of the tox screen I did last Wednesday. Would love to get a call later this week letting me know I finally made the list.

Have the day you deserve....

PeacE

Birthdays and Life Changes

 Whew! Since this weekend, there has been quite a bit going on in my Life. I usually gripe about how boring things are for me, and how nothing exciting happens. Well, I am not saying this was exciting, but it was still a lot to take in.

My friend from Florida, My Ginny, flew in as she does every year for my birthday. At one point during her visit, someone had asked how long we had known each other, and we came up with in our calculations, that it has to have been about 25 years. Already at our Silver Anniversary (I joked to her about it). Either way, we were able to have some one on one time Friday night. Saturday arrived, and I was at the Post by about 11:30am to start the afternoon of my get-together. Overall it went well. Quite a few friends from some of the pubs I attend showed up for a bit. I was a bit more surprised at the number of Post and Aux members that showed up, just for my event. I guess I am liked at the Post more than I thought I was. I didn't get drunk, and kept all the drinks to just shots. Friday night, after a couple beers, I decided beer just wasn't tasting right and decided to get quit drinking beer for a bit. Saturday I had about 10 shots over the course of 12 hours.

Now we need to backstory a bit. Back around early July, my bellybutton decided to become an 'outie' versus his status of years as an 'innie'. It wasn't fully projecting outwards, but was making a transition was very obvious. There was no pain, and I did a quick Google search of what it could be. Obviously, an umbilical hernia, that carried the chance of one of the intestines getting clotted into the 'hole in the muscle wall, etc. For the time being I ignored it, as, well, no pain. Follow through to August, and I start noticing some abdominal pain occurring infrequently. Enough that I couldn't pin point where exactly the issue was. I decided to kind of keep watch and see what happens. By the end of August, I knew something was going on, but no clue. No pain around the bellybutton. I was having bowel issues, as in not having any BMs, except with the use of a laxative, and it was never solid. My abdomen was becoming more projected, and under pressure, literally, to the touch. By my birthday, I couldn't bend over to put on my shoes, the abdomen was so extended and tight, there was no lee way. I also started having quite a bit of pain flashes through the area.

Sunday morning I slept. When I woke, I felt like some of that pressure had lessened, and knowing I had a Dr appointment in November, I wondered if I could hold out that long to get things evaluated. Monday came. By evening, I was worse. Full pressure, shortness of breath, still no BMs, very little urine, no appetite or thirst for the past 2 days. I began to worry. The Wife looked up symptoms, and of course, liver failure was one of the major ones. I refused to believe it was that bad. She offered to take me to the ER if I felt bad enough, but I said no, come morning if it was bad still, I would get an emergency appointment with my Dr and go from there. I made it to about 7am. Woke the Wife, said let's go to the ER.

To cut out the short boring stuff, six hours in at the ER, a CT scan, and blood for labs, they agreed to do a paracentesis, as the abdomen issue was fluid build-up in my body cavity. So they inserted a tube into the side of my abdomen, and proceeded to pump out the fluid. And pump. And pump. All said and done, they removed 11.7 LITERS (that's 25.7 pounds) of fluid from the abdomen area, that was freely floating in there amongst all my organs. Then it was decided they needed to keep me over night to see a GI doctor, as well as monitor me. So, my first time EVER staying in a hospital as a patient, and now that I am home, it sucks. Never recommend. So, still Saturday, the Doctor assigned at the time to me came and explained that I have a decompressed liver. Here's and explanation:

* "Decompressed liver" refers to decompensated cirrhosis, a severe stage of cirrhosis where liver scarring is so extensive that the liver can no longer perform its vital functions properly. This advanced liver disease is marked by symptoms such as jaundice (yellow skin), ascites (abdominal fluid), confusion (hepatic encephalopathy), and bleeding from varices. Causes include viral hepatitis, alcohol-related liver disease, and non-alcoholic fatty liver disease. Treatment focuses on managing complications, addressing the underlying cause of the liver damage, and often involves a liver transplant.

So, yeah. The liver is failing on me. I decided right then that I quit drinking. The Dr asked if I was having the shakes, since it had been about three days since my last drink, and I was like, no. I'm fine. I have been weaning the alcohol back for some time due to the diabetes anyways. Come Wednesday, another Dr assigned to me. Decided I could be discharged allowing that I contact a liver specialist and a GI doctor within the next 4-5 days, as well as my PCP. They gave me 5 new prescriptions temporarily to help, and maybe longer deciding on what these other doctors want to do. At least it cancels out a couple of the ones I currently take. I was able to eat the nasty hospital food Saturday night (first meal in like two plus days) but breakfast and lunch on Wednesday... I couldn't even swallow the first bite. They just tasted to wrong and bad. Wife was there for lunch, had her try the bacon from the BLT wrap I ordered, and she said it as fine. SO I know it was me. Finally got discharged about 4pm, grabbed my papers, stopped at the hospital pharmacy and got the meds, and headed home. Wife stopped at Arbys, as she needed something to eat. I got a regular, plain roast beef, and a vanilla milkshake, both of which went down fine. I crashed when we got home, having not slept much since Sunday morning. Which explains why I am awake at 2:30am.

So no more drinking alcohol. Nobody has modified my diet (as of yet) but I have been good about monitoring with the diabetes. I was told my sodium intake needs to increase (after years of saying to decrease it) mainly because I am on a water pill now and it will drain a lot of sodium and potassium. I think I am sticking to water for now, no tea, no soda, until the doctors are able to determine how bad things are. Who knew turning 54 would be such a life changer.

Today is 9/11 and a day of remembrance for those lost on the airline flights, and buildings the crashes were involved in. The Post is doing a flag raising at 10am I am going to try to be at. Afterwards I need to get to work on the agenda for next week Riders meeting, as well as contact the doctors to get appointments scheduled. Let's see how day one on new pills goes...

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy

PeacE

Just a Few Minutes...

 I only have about 10 minutes or so before I log into my work day, to share a whole lot of nothing with you. I did get a later start than I wanted yesterday, but still managed to get my eight hours in without having to work later than I prefer. Today, I am starting a little earlier than usual, just because I can. 

It is Thursday, and that means one of the buddies will be sending out a group text around 3pm asking if anyone wants to meet up for a few beers. This friend does it every week, as this is the only night his wife allows him to get out and spend an hour or two with friends. RM's post today about the things that come out of one's mouth, so I should stop there before commenting about this friend's wife.... I have not decided if I want to go out or not. With me joining the Warcraft raid group I am in that meets two nights a week, the Youngest's percussion practices on Tuesdays, and nights just spent at home, I have narrowed out much of the time I use to spend drinking. All in all, that's a good thing I guess. Though, it does cut into the reading time somewhat.

Speaking of reading, I updated the widgets on the right side of the blog to show this years goals, and updated the one that shows what I am currently reading, as if you cared. I got RM to start using Goodreads.com to help mark her reading progresses, though, I think it was yesterday she mentioned she had marked some other books she had marked as 'reading' as 'read' as she had finished them last year, and it counted to this year's goal. I'll have to go and look at that on mine, and see if I can figure out how to show her so it doesn't count on the reading goals if she hasn't read it this year. I know, you are soooo interested in that....

Welp, I guess I should close this off and get logged into work.

PeacE

Well, That Wasn't Smart ...

 Thursday night I went out to meet up with the buds. Then I stayed later than I should have. In fact, Around 11pm I got asked to help out my friend, the bar owner, to help with security. They just did not have enough guys on "College Night" to watch every single door, and there were those trying to sneak in their under-aged friends, etc. So I did. Which meant I didn't get out of there until almost 2:30am, followed  with my friend asking me to Dennys for breakfast to "pay" me for helping him out. C'mon, food? Of course I went. So as I stumbled into bed around 4am, I knew Friday w2as going to be a tough day.

Turns out it wasn't. When I finally 'woke' at 8am, I knew I was not going to be working that day. I got up, sent off an email about not feeling well (because I truly wasn't) and went back to bed. Slept until non, literally. Do I regret "calling in sick" to work? Nope. So Friday night was raid, and I guess I slept pretty good (again) and up around 8 this morning. I even folded a basket of my laundry already. I'm freakin' awesome.

Nothing on the agenda today for me, really. The Wife says she wants to 'get things done' around the house, but hopefully they do not include me. I may just spend the day doing a couple small things here and there, then play some Warcraft.

PeacE

Father's Day

 I woke this morning (the first time) around 10am and shot off a text to PT saying Happy Father's Day. Then I went back to sleep for an hour and a half. It felt good to sleep in so late! Yesterday we had gone to the waterpark here (Six Flags Hurricane Harbor) and spent a good part of the day there. We invited the Youngest's girlfriend, which was a pleasure to finally meet. The Wife and I agree, it was expensive, but it was nice to get out to some pools and just laze about with no worries for a day. Of course, even with sunscreen, we are all a bit red today. Followed up the park with a quick dinner at Dennys. A good day.

Today I have no plans. Having slept most of the morning away, and nothing really interesting going on, I just may play Warcraft, or watch a movie. I have a Netflix dvd here 'Uncharted' to watch yet. Daughter texted and we did a video chat a bit ago. Got to see my Doodad! Then I made themistake of handing the tablet over to the Wife, andjust now checked and they were still gabbing away. I reminded the Wife she ahd aasked what I wanted for lunch, and she needed to go pick it up yet. Subway. I better go check on her again.... Good. Wife is getting appropriately dressed to go get lunch.

Haven't heard from the Company about work since the week before. I wouldn't think in this particular industry there would be slower periods, but maybe there is. 

Finally got the new plate for the newer vehicle. Tomorrow I will go down to the DMV and have them swap it out for my specialty plate, which I will finally be able to put on this vehicle.

RM and my Sister have been back in Indianapolis the past few days, helping family clean out the apartment where my Aunt lived. I don't know if I had mentioned this Aunt had passed away recently. From what I have read from RM, things have been crazy. I'm not going to go into details, but needless to say, I think RM is just emotionally and physically spent over happenings. I think plans have them returning to AZ mid-week.

My Brother is headed north to Prescott on Tuesday. He is going into a rehab center the VA is ssending him to for the next 45-90 days. His drinking has been troublesome for him, and though he has gone through other types of treatment centers, they never took. Of course, as I told him Friday when we met up at the VFW, that they rehab won't take unless you want it to take. He says he knows that, and this time will be different. I do love my brother, but I just don't care for how he gets when he gets loaded. I suppose people say the same about me, but oh well.

Tried a new drink last night. My buddy's bar had one of the promotional things for a new Jack Daniels 'Bonded' whiskey that was aged longer, and also 100 proof. It was in a glass about the size of a communion cup. When the gal came by to offer me the free sample I mentioned I had come up there just for that. As we were talking, I mentioned how many years I had been drinking JD products, and she asked for a picture with her, which I agreed to. She said the pic was going to be sent to Jack Daniels - probably to show people enjoying the promotional event, but still. Then she brought back over a double-shot of this new whiskey just for me. They had a limited supply for the sampling, but I got a double!! And it was good! After that, I knew I needed to get home, so did head out.

It's been about 10 minutes since I checked on the Wife, and she ain't came said bye yet. I guess I better motivate her better.

PeacE

Shocking the World (and myself)

 I haven't had a beer, or any alcohol, since last Friday. WHAT?!? Yeah. When that pain started Friday, though it felt minor, I thought it might be somewhat caused from dehydration. I get cramps in the legs when I don't drink enough regular fluids, so thought I should spend some time hydrating. Come Sunday, when the pain started to worsen (though not terrible as of yet) I was still drinking plenty of water. Then of course, early Monday happened, leading to spending the day at the ER.

I know those of you that know me are shocked I have been able to go that many days without some sort of alcohol, and I don't care. I went to the bar today. I was up there a few hours, hanging out with a friend, did some reading of books. Drank WAY too many pitchers of Pepsi. YEs. Pepsi. No beer, no shots, no fancy umbrella drinks with alcohol. Straight-up Pepsi and ice. When I mentioned mid-afternoon to the Wife that I was "Heading out for a bit" (code phrase for 'I am going to the bar') she wasn't happy, and replied something under her breath about whatever, it's my liver. Obviously, with this issue going on, she was not thrilled about me  going out drinking. When I came home this evening, it was later (like I had been drinking) and I pretty much went to bed. She had not said one thing to me. When she came to bed, I told her that I hadn't drank anything but Pepsi, and she was a bit shocked (like I know you were). At least she dropped her pissy attitude at me.

As the day wore on, I don't know if was me, or the body, getting used to the pain, but it seemed to decrease in intensity. Still cannot inhale deep without a spike of pain, and prodding that area I am notified there is still tenderness (or something). I will wait until later in the morning (hopefully after a few hours of sleep) to see if there less pain. If it decreases, I don't think I am going to call any GI. I didn't call today, but will Tuesday to set up this new doctor to see for HBP meds. I kinda want to wait to see if this pain fades over the next couple days, but if that happens, I know I won't call. Need to force myself to do it.

Other than that, nothing planned for the day. I mentioned previously that the work project ended, and I am currently on hold until the next project comes along. I'll give them a couple days before I start emailing them about how "available" I am to be placed on something. Hopefully that will work better than waiting 2-3 weeks until they get around to me. Squeaky wheel gets the grease, and all.

Last Thursday, I heard from a friend that his wife and MIL had Covid. The MIL was in the hospital - her condition wasn't terrible, but enough to warrant it. His wife was at home, and I think only got tested because she had been around her mother. So my Friend had to get tested (I'm sure work required it) and Friday found out he was positive, though no outward symptoms. Tomorrow he is getting tested again, and hoping it comes up negative. Then yesterday I heard another friend and his wife (about 15 years older than me) were both in the hospital for low oxygen levels and difficulty breathing. I reached out to him and found out it was Covid, and as of now they were going to be in for at least 2-3 weeks. I know news reports about the Valley stating that around 2,000 cases being reported daily, and deaths in the lower double digits. I don't understand all that crap, and how they jade the numbers to fit whatever media mumbo-jumbo and party they follow. I still believe that this hype is so politically controlled, whether for or against. If you got it, you got it. Like a cold, or the flu, or pneumonia. It gets worse or it don't. Mask mandates - Bah! Vaccination requirements - Bah! I'm sure for some of you, this will make you want to thump your chest in agreement, or start up the riot act against me. I don't care. This is my opinion, my blog. I respect your opinions/beliefs no matter how different (and stupid) they are compared to mine.

Okay, enough ranting. I should go back and delete some of that, but I won't. Writing is writing. And I am rambling because I want to get tired to go to bed. I think drinking all that soda tonight has given my body way too much sugar, and that is what is keeping me awake. Definitely more than I usually have all at one period of time. So, I guess I should leave off there, and maybe go find something else to do for a bit.

PeacE

The Struggle is Real

Well, it is good to see and know that I have survived another day of quarantine. I don't know how, but I think the drinks I had Monday evening helped.

I didn't have my seemingly, and hated, 330AM wake up this morning. I think because I went to bed about 1030 last night, read until about 12, then tossed and turned until almost 2AM. However, I was still up at 730AM thanks to the neighbors dog barking like crazy for 10 minutes. I almost went into the back yard just to see if someone was outside our bedroom, teasing the damn dog over the fence. It seemed he was right at our wall doing all the barking.

No trip across the Valley for now. Son left his trumpet at school, so won't be able to upgrade it, now that I know the details, until he can get access to it again. So we are looking like April 10th if not later.

Plans for today? I don't have any.Though, I am debating going to the store to get a bottle of whiskey... just to have something to sip on other than flavored water or soda. Depends on if I feel like getting more dressed than I am currently.

Just because I can, here is a pick of my Doodad that the Daughter sent late last night...

I don't know why the face... I bet her mother told her to make a face at Papaw..

Enjoy your Wednesday, and wash your hands.

PeacE

Just a Follow Up

This morning, as I was preparing the two younger boys for school, I called the Wife. She had spent the night at the hospital with family, the Daughter, and the oldest son, in the even that FIL passed away. This morning's update, as of an hour ago, is that he is still hanging on.

The Wife has four older brothers, and two live close enough that they were able to be here yesterday for the family decision. Both were there till with their families when I brought the two younger sons home last night. Another brother is driving in from Florida, since it would be a minimum of 32 hours to get here for a flight (from where he is at I guess). This morning, the last update I heard was he was in Texas somewhere, so he is over halfway total distance, though I am sure he is very tired.

The Wife mentioned on this morning's communique that she felt FIL was holding on, knowing that the one son was driving here as fast as possible to see him before he passes. I blow it off to wishful thinking, but what do I know about death and all? I only feel bad that the other son is not able to make arrangements to be here, all due to things beyond his control at the moment.

So, basically, I feel I am sitting in limbo. I told the Wife if she needed me to call. I am spending the morning here at home. I don't handle hospitals well... some mental carry-over from all the days spent there when my Dad was sick with cancer, and other things. Obviously this has brought up many memories I don't care to re-hash.

Not a great thing, but I wish I had some booze around right now....

PeacE

Gaining on me....

I did my weigh-in at the gym this morning, and I am not happy. I gained. I'm not going to say how much, because almost any amount is depressing. As I went through my workout, I tried to think back this past week and try to figure out where I ate too much, or maybe something that would bring on the weight, like a heavier food type. I could come up with nothing.

Then I started trying to formulate some sort of excuse. Why would I gain? Now that I am back to exercising, shouldn't there be a small amount of loss, if nothing else? It's only been one week since I got the cast off, and resumed workouts. Maybe because getting my body adjusted back to working out, and not being at the level of activity I was before is just some residual effect of the gain. Sounds plausible, but is it true? I know my eating habits didn't change, but you would think I would have gained more while the cast was on, rather than the one week when I return to the gym....

I think it was about then I had the reason. Or at least one I think is the bigger part of it.

I haven't been drinking. No, I am not referring to water, etc. I am talking about beer and whiskey. I normally get out to the pub once or twice a week, for an evening out with the buds, and have a few. I usually skip dinner as when I get home (later in the night) I am not hungry (meaning I had too much beer). Yes, I know that it is empty calories, and high intake. But, since I am not out, I am eating supper, so it sounds to me like a more valid reasoning.

I guess I should fix that and get my ass out drinking more. Sounds fine, but I don't think the Wife would like it.

PeacE

Not Sure What To Do

It's 3am. That in itself should tell you what I consider obvious....that I am home from the pub recently. Though, that one sentence, you could probably tell from syntax errors... then again, maybe not. Perhaps I will make more use of that spell check feature. I dunno, as it seems, those underlined in red words are prevalent. But I fixed 'em.

As I sipped my umpteenth beer, and sipped from my (at the time) second shot of Jack, I wondered. Though the things I wonder about may not interest you, the reader here, but still I wondered. Actually, I re-addressed things I felt so insecure about. Employment. Ability to pay the bills. Are my children really that naive about what we, as parents, do to make life what it is....

Sigh. Right now, I sit here resting my forehead in my right-hand palm, this I do that more than I do anything else. It is a comfortable pose for me, it seems. It's one I take, when I don't know what to do.

I've always said that I am an alcoholic. There are different kinds, and though what I consider mine, is more...different; I am still an alcoholic. In the past couple months, believe it or not, I feel it has been more under control. Yeah. That coming from me.... sounds fishy (for family that may read here) but true. Like any addiction, I feel that a 'clarity' comes to me, when I partake. I always wish I had a notebook when it happens to me, and I never have anything available to write things down upon... and that may be a good thing. I am honestly scared what it would actually say, though the thought behind it sounded like a good thing.

Aside from all that, ... yeah, see. What was that great idea? Do I even have the briefest moment to put it (them) on paper... to even retain it (them) as a good thought... no. Were they great ideas...thoughts... ? I don't know. Things that could possibly change the world for a possible better & brighter future, from what I see...? Yea. Sure could have been.

But, I lost that train of thought.....

PeacE

Oh Geez....

I gotta quit posting after drinking....

PeacE

Life is like a Country Song

Geez, I am sure many of us have heard that title phrase before. And the first thing ya think is, my Wife left, momma died, and the dog was put to sleep. Here's a tear for my beer.

It's weird though, when part of the words of a song (doesn't necessarily have to be a country song) kinda make ya go, "Man, that sounds like me." I think the one I am thinking of this morning is Alan Jackson's "Everything I love is Killing Me". It's got that chorus starter something like:

Everything I love is killing me
cigarettes, Jack Daniels and caffeine

Just those two lines says enough for me. I should stop smoking and drinking and try to stay away from the last one.... So what makes me think of that song this morning? I went drinking last night. If yer thinking I put one on, like I usually do, well yer wrong. For once in my life I was a good boy and was home actually early. But this morning made me think about my age again.

See, Saturday night was my friend's Christmas party, the Wife and I attended. It was wonderful time, seeing some folks we hadn't seen in a while, good food, and I had a few drinks. Well, Sunday morning, I felt I knew how Johnny Cash felt with "Sunday Morning Coming Down" except there was no way in Hell I was getting up to walk around town to see all that shit. As it was, I was in bed til like 12:30.

Then of course, my Redskins were playing the Raiders that afternoon, and my buds wanted me to join them. I had cleared this with the Wife the night before, so up to the bar I go. Game started at like 2pm, and I walked in the door about 12:30am. Needless to say, one could tell I had had a few. Monday morning, I don't know how I functioned. I felt groggy almost all day. Tuesday I felt better, so went out. Today, I feel a bit blah, but not as bad - cuz I was a good boy.

Bottom line is, I guess I can't handle knocking 'em back like I could a couple years ago. Over the past half a year, I have done so good about cutting back on my drinking, and trying to eat a little better, that I guess my body is liking it enough that when I do get a drink on, it rebels on me the next day. And I am getting older. I know, I may be a pup to some of ya's, but I am starting to feel the years, and all that I didn't do to take better care of myself.

So enough of that damn pity party. We oughtta go out and have a few drinks to celebrate life! Except I really don't feel up to it. How about I just raise my iced tea up and nod yer way? Works for me...

PeacE