Yeah, that whole Monday post didn't turn out so hot. I still ended up going out that night, and imbibing a few too many. I wasn't worth shit yesterday. Probably didn't matter, as Warcraft was doing a patch, and was down all day anyways.
So here we are on Wednesday. My boys are out of school this week, so I am thinking about having one of them stay home today with me. Not only does it give me some 1-on-1 time, it helps keep me from doing stupid shit, like going to the bar. I think I will start with the oldest, so I guess I should think of some ideas for us to do.
Nothing else exciting going on. Waiting to hear from the sleep study people, so I can get that done. Will probably be another week before I hear from thh doc on the blood test and x-ray results. In the meantime, I am just plodding along. Dinner last night was good, and I was able to keep myself to one decent served portion. I still felt hungry afterwards, but not as much. Though, I did drink quite a bit of water throughout the day. and that may have helped.
Thinking about running to the store for snacks... Maybe, maybe not.
PeacE
Wednesday, October 13
Monday, October 11
Through a Difficult Weekend
Whew! It's Monday! I know most of you don't choose that type of way to describe these mornings that signal a return to work for the masses. I am, at least this week, greeting it with a hearty WHEW!
Not like my weekend was overly busy.... but for the simple things I had to fight against. Trying to start out on a good foot so to speak, following that Friday Dr. visit. Though I will admit Saturday night, out to dinner with family, I STUFFED myself. I mean, I ate til I could eat no more. Even if it was only the never-ending salad at Olive Garden, I took perverse pleasure knowing most of it was good for me, and ok to eat as much as I wanted. Well, compared to me eating the never-ending pasta bowl (which really looked good too). More greens, fiber, etc versus carbs (pasta), greasy sausages (mmmm).... (sigh). Good thing I really enjoy the salad dressing at Olive Garden. In fact, I will have to get some salad here at home. Forgot I had received a bottle as a gift from RM of the stuff.
So that doesn't sound too bad.... mentally battling over healthy salad versus very delicious, and mouth-watering pasta with sausage. Sunday was my harder day. I had to get through the day without heading out to the bar. I swear, like 7 different times throughout the day I just wanted to up and leave, go have a few beers (which would turn into a few more). I had awoken at like 5am that morn, and ended up taking like 3 naps throughout the day to help curb the thoughts. And I was hungry on top of that! Wife brought home come Chinese for lunch, and I had TV dinner for supper. But I wanted more. I mean, I am working portion sizes here at the beginning before I worry about type of intake.
SO yeah! WHEW! Not that anything is going to change. Today will be another day I try not to go to the bar. That I try to keep my meal intake to a bit smaller portion than normal. In fact, I am thinking of going to the store and picking up some stuff for snacks. Doc said that is good. Healthy snacks help keep the body aware I ain't starving it, especially in cutting portion sizes. So figured some cucumbers (like them just cold and sliced), some lettuce - though I may opt for the pre-mixed salad so I don't have to waste time making it. I am not sure what else. I will do my best to avoid the Lil Debbie area (oh I love them oatmeal cookies and the cakes!).
Welp, Wife is up to start getting ready for work. I should get my stuff together to get going as well. I have a half-ass made list of stuff that needs to get done/picked up this week, preferably today.
PeacE
Not like my weekend was overly busy.... but for the simple things I had to fight against. Trying to start out on a good foot so to speak, following that Friday Dr. visit. Though I will admit Saturday night, out to dinner with family, I STUFFED myself. I mean, I ate til I could eat no more. Even if it was only the never-ending salad at Olive Garden, I took perverse pleasure knowing most of it was good for me, and ok to eat as much as I wanted. Well, compared to me eating the never-ending pasta bowl (which really looked good too). More greens, fiber, etc versus carbs (pasta), greasy sausages (mmmm).... (sigh). Good thing I really enjoy the salad dressing at Olive Garden. In fact, I will have to get some salad here at home. Forgot I had received a bottle as a gift from RM of the stuff.
So that doesn't sound too bad.... mentally battling over healthy salad versus very delicious, and mouth-watering pasta with sausage. Sunday was my harder day. I had to get through the day without heading out to the bar. I swear, like 7 different times throughout the day I just wanted to up and leave, go have a few beers (which would turn into a few more). I had awoken at like 5am that morn, and ended up taking like 3 naps throughout the day to help curb the thoughts. And I was hungry on top of that! Wife brought home come Chinese for lunch, and I had TV dinner for supper. But I wanted more. I mean, I am working portion sizes here at the beginning before I worry about type of intake.
SO yeah! WHEW! Not that anything is going to change. Today will be another day I try not to go to the bar. That I try to keep my meal intake to a bit smaller portion than normal. In fact, I am thinking of going to the store and picking up some stuff for snacks. Doc said that is good. Healthy snacks help keep the body aware I ain't starving it, especially in cutting portion sizes. So figured some cucumbers (like them just cold and sliced), some lettuce - though I may opt for the pre-mixed salad so I don't have to waste time making it. I am not sure what else. I will do my best to avoid the Lil Debbie area (oh I love them oatmeal cookies and the cakes!).
Welp, Wife is up to start getting ready for work. I should get my stuff together to get going as well. I have a half-ass made list of stuff that needs to get done/picked up this week, preferably today.
PeacE
Friday, October 8
After the Visit
So I met my doc today. He's the son of the one I saw 15-20 years ago. Weird how that worked out....
Anyways, things went pretty much how I expected. Weight, smoking, drinking - all key issues we discussed.
No prostrate gland check, no finger in the ass... never had to drop my drawers. We did some talking about that, too. Since I don't have family history, and no 'obvious' problems with that area, they normally don't routine check until about 45 (6 years yet WOO!).
Weight was something we talked about alot. I got much of it to lose. At weigh-in, I was surprised at the number. I had thought I was doing better than normal the past 3-4 weeks....but obviously, if I was, I was way behind what I thought.
Need less to say, my blogs may be a bit hormonal.... or, if you prefer, me moaning like a whore cuz I can't eat what I wanna, and get tired of the healthy shit I should be eating.
Blood was drawn. And an X-ray to follow for my chest on Monday. Then I wait to hear from the doc with results.
In the meantime, my wife will be doing her best to feed me right, and still have the kids eat what we are, and keeping me outta the bar!
PeacE
Anyways, things went pretty much how I expected. Weight, smoking, drinking - all key issues we discussed.
No prostrate gland check, no finger in the ass... never had to drop my drawers. We did some talking about that, too. Since I don't have family history, and no 'obvious' problems with that area, they normally don't routine check until about 45 (6 years yet WOO!).
Weight was something we talked about alot. I got much of it to lose. At weigh-in, I was surprised at the number. I had thought I was doing better than normal the past 3-4 weeks....but obviously, if I was, I was way behind what I thought.
Need less to say, my blogs may be a bit hormonal.... or, if you prefer, me moaning like a whore cuz I can't eat what I wanna, and get tired of the healthy shit I should be eating.
Blood was drawn. And an X-ray to follow for my chest on Monday. Then I wait to hear from the doc with results.
In the meantime, my wife will be doing her best to feed me right, and still have the kids eat what we are, and keeping me outta the bar!
PeacE
Today is the Big Day
I don't think I have ever looked forward to being told that I am fat, an alcoholic, and you can fix those things - but yer still ugly. Okay, well 2 out of 3 aren't bad.
This morning I am off to my doctor for that dreaded visit. I feel I am prepared: Freshly showered and sanitized appropriately; Insurance info; Kindle to read while waiting; oh, and a sample package of Isagenix. My Sis sells those, and is trying to get me to ask the doctor about if I should use them as a supplement in dieting. Though I cannot afford it, and have no interest in it. Figure I would at least ask for her.
So, as I sit here, wayyyy to early, and my sphincter tightens up... Nothing else exciting is happening. The daughter will be planning on being back up from college tonight for her HS homecoming. We have dinner out tomorrow for her birthday.
Oh, here's some regular messed up news for me.... the van had it's engine light come on yesterday. So Monday I will be taking it in to have something else checked and fixed. The Wife mentioned the brakes were starting to make noise too. Maybe it is all related?
So Tuesday was a crazy day. Had one hell of a hail storm come through my area. Bad enough I was worried about windows and vehicles, but everything made it through ok. Tons of rain, that we are not used to here in the desert. The hail shredded the foliage on the trees out front and covered the ground well enough, like fresh snow cover. About 4 inches deep against the house....
Okay, maybe I will update later after the dr, and after my cry session.
PeacE
This morning I am off to my doctor for that dreaded visit. I feel I am prepared: Freshly showered and sanitized appropriately; Insurance info; Kindle to read while waiting; oh, and a sample package of Isagenix. My Sis sells those, and is trying to get me to ask the doctor about if I should use them as a supplement in dieting. Though I cannot afford it, and have no interest in it. Figure I would at least ask for her.
So, as I sit here, wayyyy to early, and my sphincter tightens up... Nothing else exciting is happening. The daughter will be planning on being back up from college tonight for her HS homecoming. We have dinner out tomorrow for her birthday.
Oh, here's some regular messed up news for me.... the van had it's engine light come on yesterday. So Monday I will be taking it in to have something else checked and fixed. The Wife mentioned the brakes were starting to make noise too. Maybe it is all related?
So Tuesday was a crazy day. Had one hell of a hail storm come through my area. Bad enough I was worried about windows and vehicles, but everything made it through ok. Tons of rain, that we are not used to here in the desert. The hail shredded the foliage on the trees out front and covered the ground well enough, like fresh snow cover. About 4 inches deep against the house....
Okay, maybe I will update later after the dr, and after my cry session.
PeacE
Tuesday, October 5
Nerves of Aluminum
Yesterday was a nice day in our desert Valley. Had just a touch of rainstorm come through, so temperatures were lower than 100... maybe into the 80's even. My son's concert was nice, and my daughter made it up from college for the the end of it. We picked up some pizzas and had a nice family time at home last night. Today, she heads back after her orthodontist appointment, but will be back Friday afternoon.
I made that phone call yesterday. The one to schedule a visit with my doctor. It has been so long since I was seen by him, my regular doc I mean. So long in fact, he is now in practice with his son. So long, that they said my charts were in long-term storage (pre-computer storage even). So, obviously I will be a new patient for them. Or rather, for his son, my new doctor.
I am nervous already. I think like everyone I dread to hear things I won't like. No one likes to hear just how bad their health is, or the possibly extreme changes to fix what may be wrong. Well, unless you have like a seemingly life-changing event like a heart attack and 4-way bypass surgery - or like my Sis, a bone marrow transplant - or any transplant for that matter.
I don't want to hear I am overweight - though I know I am. I don't want to hear I need to diet and exercise. That I need to stop eating large amounts of the wrong types of foods/drinks - not stop altogether. Moderation is probably the largest part of it all.
I don't want to hear that I need more 'strenuous' exercise. I use that "S" word, because walking further than from my car to the bar door is exercise for me. Yes, I hurt walking longer distances... the knees and lower back ache, and usually the hip as well. All could be factored because of my weight. Lose the weight, maybe they won't hurt, or as much.... or we could find out what more specifically is wrong (ie. arthritis, bad joints, etc.) and treat better.
Quit smoking. Heh. I smoke less now than I did 10 years ago. Yes, that is good. Stopping altogether would be better, true. I know I will hear that one as well.
So what we have so far? Weight, no smoking, more exercise. Oh, this sort of goes with the weight thing to, but no (or alot less) drinking alcohol. That's 4 major things, and I haven't even spoken or seen the doc yet. Four things I don't want to hear about, but know I am going to have to hear. Know that I am going to have to change if I want the next visit not possibly be by ambulance at the hospital.
(sigh)
What else do I worry about in regards to this doctor visit? Family Medical History. I need to be checked for Diabetes. It runs pretty wide-spread in both branches of my family tree above me, and even next to me. Easily treated... maybe by pill, or even at worst, injections. Minor things in this day and age, unless I don't treat it - if I have it.
What else? Well, it may be minor, but I have this patch of skin something-or-other on one of my knees. Looks like psoriasis, and has been there for several years, and actually grown in size over that time. I have tried over the counter stuff for it, with little or no results. Could this a possible cause of that knee hurting? It is the one that aches more.... psoriatic arthritis I have read about. Or however it is spelled. I need to have it looked at.
What other worries? Everything I can't explain away fearlessly or easily. Blood work - what if something drastic is found? I am not worried about things like HIV, but yet that small thought lingers. What about other blood-related/carried stuff?
Has all the drinking I have done over the years totally fucked my liver, and is it still working ok? What about my prostrate? Oh boy. I mean, I haven't felt any problems there, and it still seems to be working fine regularly and sexually. Do I need to have a colonoscopy done to to check for polyps? I mean, that department seems to be working fine too... least, I ain't noticing anything wrong. And would I notice something wrong excluding, say, major bloody discharge or pain?
Yeah, I am nervous. Am I worrying about too much being found wrong, or whatnot. Probably - more than likely. Does that help me feel any better. No. It's only Tuesday. Appointment is Friday morning. Half the stuff I probably won't know right away - bloodwork can take some time.
Four more days to worry. Four more days I am not drinking, though I want to more now because I worry. Yeah, alcoholic talking there. Doing my best (and I will do it) to not drink so can have the best blood sample to provide with no BAC (Blood Alcohol Content - for those not knowing) to worry about as well.
Are you going to be here Friday afternoon? After I get out of the appointment, and home to update? OR are you going to wait til Monday, and read about what plans were made over the weekend to start fixing what the doc says needs work? Ooooo..... suspense and possible excitement, huh?
PeacE
I made that phone call yesterday. The one to schedule a visit with my doctor. It has been so long since I was seen by him, my regular doc I mean. So long in fact, he is now in practice with his son. So long, that they said my charts were in long-term storage (pre-computer storage even). So, obviously I will be a new patient for them. Or rather, for his son, my new doctor.
I am nervous already. I think like everyone I dread to hear things I won't like. No one likes to hear just how bad their health is, or the possibly extreme changes to fix what may be wrong. Well, unless you have like a seemingly life-changing event like a heart attack and 4-way bypass surgery - or like my Sis, a bone marrow transplant - or any transplant for that matter.
I don't want to hear I am overweight - though I know I am. I don't want to hear I need to diet and exercise. That I need to stop eating large amounts of the wrong types of foods/drinks - not stop altogether. Moderation is probably the largest part of it all.
I don't want to hear that I need more 'strenuous' exercise. I use that "S" word, because walking further than from my car to the bar door is exercise for me. Yes, I hurt walking longer distances... the knees and lower back ache, and usually the hip as well. All could be factored because of my weight. Lose the weight, maybe they won't hurt, or as much.... or we could find out what more specifically is wrong (ie. arthritis, bad joints, etc.) and treat better.
Quit smoking. Heh. I smoke less now than I did 10 years ago. Yes, that is good. Stopping altogether would be better, true. I know I will hear that one as well.
So what we have so far? Weight, no smoking, more exercise. Oh, this sort of goes with the weight thing to, but no (or alot less) drinking alcohol. That's 4 major things, and I haven't even spoken or seen the doc yet. Four things I don't want to hear about, but know I am going to have to hear. Know that I am going to have to change if I want the next visit not possibly be by ambulance at the hospital.
(sigh)
What else do I worry about in regards to this doctor visit? Family Medical History. I need to be checked for Diabetes. It runs pretty wide-spread in both branches of my family tree above me, and even next to me. Easily treated... maybe by pill, or even at worst, injections. Minor things in this day and age, unless I don't treat it - if I have it.
What else? Well, it may be minor, but I have this patch of skin something-or-other on one of my knees. Looks like psoriasis, and has been there for several years, and actually grown in size over that time. I have tried over the counter stuff for it, with little or no results. Could this a possible cause of that knee hurting? It is the one that aches more.... psoriatic arthritis I have read about. Or however it is spelled. I need to have it looked at.
What other worries? Everything I can't explain away fearlessly or easily. Blood work - what if something drastic is found? I am not worried about things like HIV, but yet that small thought lingers. What about other blood-related/carried stuff?
Has all the drinking I have done over the years totally fucked my liver, and is it still working ok? What about my prostrate? Oh boy. I mean, I haven't felt any problems there, and it still seems to be working fine regularly and sexually. Do I need to have a colonoscopy done to to check for polyps? I mean, that department seems to be working fine too... least, I ain't noticing anything wrong. And would I notice something wrong excluding, say, major bloody discharge or pain?
Yeah, I am nervous. Am I worrying about too much being found wrong, or whatnot. Probably - more than likely. Does that help me feel any better. No. It's only Tuesday. Appointment is Friday morning. Half the stuff I probably won't know right away - bloodwork can take some time.
Four more days to worry. Four more days I am not drinking, though I want to more now because I worry. Yeah, alcoholic talking there. Doing my best (and I will do it) to not drink so can have the best blood sample to provide with no BAC (Blood Alcohol Content - for those not knowing) to worry about as well.
Are you going to be here Friday afternoon? After I get out of the appointment, and home to update? OR are you going to wait til Monday, and read about what plans were made over the weekend to start fixing what the doc says needs work? Ooooo..... suspense and possible excitement, huh?
PeacE
Monday, October 4
Some Monday BOOBAGE!!!
What a great weekend that just ended! We got a new"used" washer on Saturday, even if I felt like I had to drive 400 miles to get it. Sunday was just a great Family day. Church in the morning (yes, I went, and as you can see ... I didn't burn up in a flash of flame), then movie and McDonald's for dinner. Was overall a great time!
Oldest son has a band concert tonight. He is not aware of it, but his sister is trying to make it back into town early enough to see him perform. She is coming up as she has an ortho appointment in the morning. Then she will return to school, until Friday, when she comes home for her Homecoming. Saturday, we plan on taking her out for her birthday dinner finally.
I get to do something that feels really out of the norm for me. I am calling my doc today to set an appointment for a regular physical. For some reason, everyone ganged up on me and sort of "ragged" on me to do it. I just don't want to because, we all know he is going to say, quit drinking, quit smoking, eat healthier, exercise more....(sigh). But I like the way I do those things! Maybe it just is starting to sink in a bit though, that if I keep on them, maybe I won't have that time for my kids. I dunno. Either way, I am calling today. Prolly be a couple weeks before I can get in though.
So, nothing else exciting going on. I have been lax these many weeks, so here's some boobs for ya....
PeacE
Oldest son has a band concert tonight. He is not aware of it, but his sister is trying to make it back into town early enough to see him perform. She is coming up as she has an ortho appointment in the morning. Then she will return to school, until Friday, when she comes home for her Homecoming. Saturday, we plan on taking her out for her birthday dinner finally.
I get to do something that feels really out of the norm for me. I am calling my doc today to set an appointment for a regular physical. For some reason, everyone ganged up on me and sort of "ragged" on me to do it. I just don't want to because, we all know he is going to say, quit drinking, quit smoking, eat healthier, exercise more....(sigh). But I like the way I do those things! Maybe it just is starting to sink in a bit though, that if I keep on them, maybe I won't have that time for my kids. I dunno. Either way, I am calling today. Prolly be a couple weeks before I can get in though.
So, nothing else exciting going on. I have been lax these many weeks, so here's some boobs for ya....
PeacE
Saturday, October 2
I Need an Off Button
So, Thursday I went out to the pub, did some karaoke, and didn't stay out too late. Though Friday I ended up sleeping most of the day in short naps. I just could not stay awake for longer than an hour it seemed. So Friday night, I head to bed about 9'ish, and am up about 1am and can't get back to sleep....
It was kind of nice being up that early, I guess. I noticed some new shows on TV that seem interesting, and have been trying to catch the pilot shows of them to see if actually any good. With Hulu.com, I am able to enjoy quite a few online, and find some additional links for those they don't carry.
Here are a few of the ones I am watching this season: "Blue Bloods" - a cop series with Tom Selleck. "Outsourced" - has new actors, about a novelty company outsourced to India. It's pretty funny. "S#@% My Dad Says" with William Shatner. I been cracking up at this one. "Fringe" season 3. "Outlaw" with Jimmy Smits. "Warehouse 13" another season. "No Ordinary Family" "Undercovers" and I am sure I am missing one or two others. Surprisingly, quite a few once I list them. Whereas last season I hardly watched anything.
So it's 4-something in the morning, I am caught up pretty much on my tv shows. I guess I am off to play some WoW.
PeacE
It was kind of nice being up that early, I guess. I noticed some new shows on TV that seem interesting, and have been trying to catch the pilot shows of them to see if actually any good. With Hulu.com, I am able to enjoy quite a few online, and find some additional links for those they don't carry.
Here are a few of the ones I am watching this season: "Blue Bloods" - a cop series with Tom Selleck. "Outsourced" - has new actors, about a novelty company outsourced to India. It's pretty funny. "S#@% My Dad Says" with William Shatner. I been cracking up at this one. "Fringe" season 3. "Outlaw" with Jimmy Smits. "Warehouse 13" another season. "No Ordinary Family" "Undercovers" and I am sure I am missing one or two others. Surprisingly, quite a few once I list them. Whereas last season I hardly watched anything.
So it's 4-something in the morning, I am caught up pretty much on my tv shows. I guess I am off to play some WoW.
PeacE
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