When Overwhelming Feels More Like Impossible Odds

 ... That's when RM would say something along the lines of, 'Drop on your knees, and ask God what you should do'. I know I could not deny her that fact. And, if my Faith was anywhere close to my Mother's, I would do that.... but it ain't. I'm not. I might have actually made it to church this morning with the Wife, but... I am no where near that level.

I spent a few short hours with one of my best friends tonight. He leaves Tuesday morning for North Dakota, where he is returning to a similar job he had about 10 years ago, as a Prosecutor, for a county as an Asst State's Atty. He was good at it years ago, and just due to circumstances, had to return to AZ years ago. Now he is returning to there, ready to take on the world. I am so happy for him. But I will miss him quite a bit. Yeah, we got text, email, facetime, etc. etc., but it's not the same as sitting next to each other, clashing beer glasses in a toast.

Overwhelmed. Oh help me find a starting point..... I know I have mentioned a time or two before, that with some of the multi-roles I have within the committees for the VFW, I feel I get under/behind things, and the overwhelmed feeling creeps in. Well, I still get it, and this month has been starting earlier. I want to explain they why, and wherefores, but I think right now it is better if I just not.

Over this past weekend, I finally was able to visit my Middle Son, and his partner, and the new Grandson (my first). Since the baby was born, the girlfriend has been in "over-protective Mom Mode' and it has caused at least one argument between my Son and I. But I held my breath, and finally was able to "schedule" a time to go to their apartment and visit - and finally hold - my first grandson. It was only a short visit - about an hour, because the Son was just home from work (works overnights) and the girlfriend was up early (allegedly the baby was fussy) so the Wife and I did not want to take away too much time for them to get more rest. I admit, I got to hold him the most that hour, and he got his 'Papaw nickname'.

Over the past month, as I fumed, waiting to be able to actually see/hold my grandson, I tried picking out a nickname early. With the granddaughters, I got to see them at least early enough, and as I held them, their 'nicks' came out easy. But being how this was taking forever, I tried to pick one early. It don't work that way. I had three or four nicknames picked, but once I got this boy in my arms, they all disappeared. I remember the Middle Son looking at me, and asking, 'Dad, got his nick yet?' And all I could say was, leave me alone, and let me enjoy this minute. Maybe 15 minutes before we left, the name Doc popped out at me, and so it is. Maybe he will be some kind of doctor some day....

So, in the course of four days, I have been on a roller coaster ride of self. From feeling 'bossed around' and what leadership wants me to send out (since I am a secretary) and my own moral/ethical beliefs, to feeling overwhelmed at requirements expected of me, to over-enjoyment of holding my grandson, and repeat. It has been flipping crazy. And add in a Best Friend is moving out of state as well. Sigh. Nobody said being a Saint was easy, and I ain't never professed, or even alluded, to me being one, but life has ben pretty messed up of late.

I have a feeling, this month is bringing changes for me. I have many, many questions, for leadership in all venues of my Post, and depending on some answers, I am sure will determine how I decide to continue, or not, my service (voluntarily) with each group I work with.

Such fun.... Wish you were me?

PeacE

Let's Call It Stress

Aside from yesterday's outburst (which I am still pissed about), they say Life moves on.

Still awaiting to be assigned to me new position. I know I have to wait until the have a replacement driver for my current position, but this is shit. Management said 2 Tuesdays ago, they were wanting to move me up. This past Tuesday, they said they finally put an ad out. Huh? Who puts an ad in the paper, that no one gets anymore? And we already lost a week. This position is one I cannot leave without making the Boss do more personal involvement. I am not happy.

The guy I replace has been "in training" for the last week plus, and I believe the person he is replacing is leaving at the end of this week. Which means, everyone else is going to have to do double-duty, meaning overtime pay, to cover it all. I already said I won't work 14 hour days just to cover the basics of both positions. I love the overtime, but, my God..... 14 hours plus a day, 5-plus days a week? I'm young at 45, but even I could not do that.

It is what it is, and the company will have to adjust to what they have to between needs, and availability to fill it. And there ain't no one jumping to help. Yeah... typical company where everyone is about themselves.

Other than that, Life is. Got kids trying to say they are sick to avoid school, when they aren't. Got kids sick, and shouldn't go to school. Trying to replace the back fence that got burned out in the fire we had, plus re-building a shed structure. And replace fence structures torn down during the fire, and maybe a gateway, that needed to be repaired/replaced.

I'm tapped for awhile. I'll probably bitch more than anything, but some is better than none. Oh, and let me add, the Wife heard a "clunk" loudly in her driver side door of the minivan tonight. She's scared to use the controls to roll down the window, thinking it might be the noise. Note - we have replaced the window motor before (on my own) and the window is up, though she has not tried to use the motor controls since hearing the noise. I told her to wait for Saturday, when I have daylight to see if there is an issue.

Delayed for a couple days. Works for me. Plus I got all that fencing in the backyard, and forgot to buy posts.... no idea when I, or we, will get to that, but we need more material.

Starting to feel overwhelmed.

Peace