I don't remember where I go tthis one from, but I was running through my joke file and got a good snicker out of it again, and thought I would pass it along.
A man drove he and his 12 year old son to the country one Saturday for his son's first deer hunt. The man intended to go to an old farmer who he had know when he was a boy and ask him permission to hunt on his land.
They arrived at the farm just after noon. The boy stayed in the car as the man went up to talk to the old farmer. The old farmer was happy to see the man and was happy to have he and his son hunt on his place.
The old farmer also ask the man to do him a favor. He explained that his mule, which was standing out in front of the house, was very old and would never make it through the coming winter. He ask the man if he would please shoot the mule for him, as he couldn't bear to do it himself.He said, just shoot him and I'll drag him off with the tractor later. Sure the man replied, no problem.
As he walked back to the car the man decided to play a joke on his son. He got into the car with a disgusted look on his face, slammed the door and beat his fist on the steering wheel a couple of times. I can't believe it, that old man has deer all over this place that he doesn't hunt and he won't allow us to hunt them either. We drove all this way for nothing.I'll show that old fool.
The man then grabbed his rifle, jumped out of the car, and shot the old mule dead. Just as he was turning to see his son's reaction he heard BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, from his son's side of the car.
His son yelled, We showed him dad, you killed his mule, and I got his bull and two cows. Let's get out of here.
I guess sometimes it best to not joke around about some things....hehehe
PeacE
Wednesday, January 31
My Fine is ... $720.50
I stole this one from GuyK and figured I might as well post it, since nothing is really popping up in my head today. Here's the rules, and the list. I wonder just how bad mine is since the ones I have seen are fairly lower than my fine.... ug!
Here’s how it works: You don’t have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine. (Not per incident!) Tally up your score and post it on your blog with the title… ”My Fine Is…”
Smoked pot — $10
Did acid — $5
Ever had sex at church — $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you — $40
Had sex with someone on MySpace — $25
Had sex for money — $100
Vandalized something — $20
Had sex on your parents’ bed — $10
Beat up someone — $20
Been jumped — $10
Crossed dressed — $10
Given money to stripper — $25
Been in love with a stripper — $20
Kissed some one who’s name you didn’t know — $0.10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work — $15
Ever drive drunk — $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk — $50
Used toys while having sex — $30
Got drunk, passed out and don’t remember the night before — $20
Went skinny dipping — $5
Had sex in a pool — $20
Kissed someone of the same sex — $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex — $20
Cheated on your significant other — $10
Masturbated — $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend — $20
Done oral — $5
Got oral — $5
Done/got oral in a car while it was moving — $25
Stole something — $10
Had sex with someone in jail — $25
Made a nasty home video — $15
Had a threesome — $50
Had sex in the wild — $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex — $25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars — $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older — $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 — $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time — $50
Said you love someone but didn’t mean it — $25
Went streaking — $5
Went streaking in broad daylight — $15
Been arrested — $5
Spent time in jail — $15
Peed in the pool — $0.50
Played spin the bottle — $5
Done something you regret — $20
Had sex with your best friend — $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work — $25
Had anal sex — $80
Lied to your mate — $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good — $25
Here’s how it works: You don’t have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine. (Not per incident!) Tally up your score and post it on your blog with the title… ”My Fine Is…”
Smoked pot — $10
Did acid — $5
Ever had sex at church — $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you — $40
Had sex with someone on MySpace — $25
Had sex for money — $100
Vandalized something — $20
Had sex on your parents’ bed — $10
Beat up someone — $20
Been jumped — $10
Crossed dressed — $10
Given money to stripper — $25
Been in love with a stripper — $20
Kissed some one who’s name you didn’t know — $0.10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work — $15
Ever drive drunk — $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk — $50
Used toys while having sex — $30
Got drunk, passed out and don’t remember the night before — $20
Went skinny dipping — $5
Had sex in a pool — $20
Kissed someone of the same sex — $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex — $20
Cheated on your significant other — $10
Masturbated — $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend — $20
Done oral — $5
Got oral — $5
Done/got oral in a car while it was moving — $25
Stole something — $10
Had sex with someone in jail — $25
Made a nasty home video — $15
Had a threesome — $50
Had sex in the wild — $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex — $25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars — $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older — $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 — $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time — $50
Said you love someone but didn’t mean it — $25
Went streaking — $5
Went streaking in broad daylight — $15
Been arrested — $5
Spent time in jail — $15
Peed in the pool — $0.50
Played spin the bottle — $5
Done something you regret — $20
Had sex with your best friend — $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work — $25
Had anal sex — $80
Lied to your mate — $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good — $25
Tuesday, January 30
Countdown to EOM - 1 more day left
Whoo! Wait a busy day so far! God, I love being back in my old position! In 2 weeks I have closed a possible 4 loans - which is half of what the other 2 processors have completed for a whole month! Dman, I like it when I am good!
Here's today's linkage to funny: Tuesday Funny Pic
Freddie was posting today about smells from her younger years, and that got me to thinking about my growing up days. I know from my birth through 12 years I had a variety of animals either I raised or were being raised by the family. My sister and I both had horses (hers white, mine brown) named Sugar and Spice, respectively. I personally don't remember them as I was pretty small (HA! Me using that word to describe my size), but Grandpa had some old fmaily movies on 8mm that shows me riding the horse and Dad hanging on beside me. Then there was the hog we had penned int he backyard. He didn't last long, and to this day I wonder if Dad just got rid of him, or had him butchered up. I know we used that same pen for our large dog we got sometime after that, named Pumpkin. He was some sort of hound, but I never knew what kind. He eventually was sold to someone that lived over 50 miles away, and 2 days later showed back up at the front door as we were leaving. Dad had to drive back out with him to the new owner's place. I remember he weren't to happy 'bout that deal.
I started raising rabbits for 4-H when I was about 9. Plus we had a few mixed breeds Dad & used to butcher in the late fall. Nothing like a good rabbit stew on snow days from school! After we moved from there "into the city" just the step-mom's damn chihuahua named Marybell. Nastiest little f'ing dog I ever met. Dad and I always called her Turtlebait behind my SM's back. I swear, that dog couldn't get any fatter, as her belly already rubbed the ground 2 inches across her chest. Wouldn't let anyone near my SM - not even dad. Sounds bad, but I was glad the day they had to put her to sleep...
But we were talking of animals and smells. Nothing like the smell of a good pig farm that always reminds me of home. The teasing the kids in the car "Who farted?" and the laughs as everyone blames everyone else. Or the better times when someone is able to squeeze one out, loud, whilst we're funnin' around. Makes me think of roadtrips we did to my grandparents up in Elkhart, IN, and playing 'Zap 'Em' with horses. How many of you remember that game? Count your zaps, and hope no one sees a cemetary and shouts "Bury 'Em!" before you do, and lose your points. Heh, I was never good at that one. Nor "Road Alphabet". That's why I usually read if I could.
So there ya go. A little of my past to bore yourself and help you sleep. Good news for those of you interested is I have the results from the Dr. on my younget's heart. There is a slight muscle tension near one of the valves in his heart, but is nothing abnormal. The heart murmur may appear over the next several well-check-ups, but will eventually disappear. All that damn worrying for nothing, and extra medical bills too. Gotta luv it. Alright, enuff of me already. Y'all have a good one, and we'll catch up wit' ya menana.
PeacE
Here's today's linkage to funny: Tuesday Funny Pic
Freddie was posting today about smells from her younger years, and that got me to thinking about my growing up days. I know from my birth through 12 years I had a variety of animals either I raised or were being raised by the family. My sister and I both had horses (hers white, mine brown) named Sugar and Spice, respectively. I personally don't remember them as I was pretty small (HA! Me using that word to describe my size), but Grandpa had some old fmaily movies on 8mm that shows me riding the horse and Dad hanging on beside me. Then there was the hog we had penned int he backyard. He didn't last long, and to this day I wonder if Dad just got rid of him, or had him butchered up. I know we used that same pen for our large dog we got sometime after that, named Pumpkin. He was some sort of hound, but I never knew what kind. He eventually was sold to someone that lived over 50 miles away, and 2 days later showed back up at the front door as we were leaving. Dad had to drive back out with him to the new owner's place. I remember he weren't to happy 'bout that deal.
I started raising rabbits for 4-H when I was about 9. Plus we had a few mixed breeds Dad & used to butcher in the late fall. Nothing like a good rabbit stew on snow days from school! After we moved from there "into the city" just the step-mom's damn chihuahua named Marybell. Nastiest little f'ing dog I ever met. Dad and I always called her Turtlebait behind my SM's back. I swear, that dog couldn't get any fatter, as her belly already rubbed the ground 2 inches across her chest. Wouldn't let anyone near my SM - not even dad. Sounds bad, but I was glad the day they had to put her to sleep...
But we were talking of animals and smells. Nothing like the smell of a good pig farm that always reminds me of home. The teasing the kids in the car "Who farted?" and the laughs as everyone blames everyone else. Or the better times when someone is able to squeeze one out, loud, whilst we're funnin' around. Makes me think of roadtrips we did to my grandparents up in Elkhart, IN, and playing 'Zap 'Em' with horses. How many of you remember that game? Count your zaps, and hope no one sees a cemetary and shouts "Bury 'Em!" before you do, and lose your points. Heh, I was never good at that one. Nor "Road Alphabet". That's why I usually read if I could.
So there ya go. A little of my past to bore yourself and help you sleep. Good news for those of you interested is I have the results from the Dr. on my younget's heart. There is a slight muscle tension near one of the valves in his heart, but is nothing abnormal. The heart murmur may appear over the next several well-check-ups, but will eventually disappear. All that damn worrying for nothing, and extra medical bills too. Gotta luv it. Alright, enuff of me already. Y'all have a good one, and we'll catch up wit' ya menana.
PeacE
Monday, January 29
New Features!!
I have seen many of you feloow bloggers using Haloscan for your comments. I, too, checked that out today, and I hope, have installed it correctly here. Let me know if you have problems with commenting!
ralphd00d@aol.com
PeacE
ralphd00d@aol.com
PeacE
Another Drinking Paradise that Falls on Monday
Yep, once again I am here to NOT entertain you, but just BS about boring stuff. Just a way to clear my head today and get shit off my chest. Not that I am terribly pissed/upset, I just got to do it every now and then.
So no, I still have not heard from the Dr about my son's visit. The Wife was to call the office today to see if any results were ina dn maybe when we would be contacted. Hurry up and wait. Fucking wonderful.
Work was going well, especially for End Of Month. Only now 3 oother loans I was looking forward to closiong this month as well are fucking falling apart becaue the damn Loan Officer doesn't know what they are selling, or the damn borrowers can't get me the info I need in time to get the shit done. Major Pisser!!! I don't know if I can even save them enough to finish next month. ARGH!! Shit! And now I am getting more problems from these damn lenders!!
I've pretty much given up the trying to quit smoking thing. Though I have reduced the amount I smoke to only when I am drinking...which is less than I am working, but more than likely still too much. My diet is going so-so. I do good during the week, but sometimes I splurge on the weekend, and it makes me feel like I accomplished nothing, though I may still have lost a pound or two. I am starting to get pissed at the fact that my pants are a pain to try to keep up - even with a belt! And I am waiting that first nice check so I can go shopping for smaller sizes!
Good news! I should be expecting my book order to arrive today. That'll give me 5 more books that may last 1-1/2 weeks. I did pick up some Nora Roberts from a bartender friend so I can finish the circle trilogy.
Okay, I am out of here. I need to run to the bathroom , and try to fix this damn problem that title is creating for me.
PeacE
So no, I still have not heard from the Dr about my son's visit. The Wife was to call the office today to see if any results were ina dn maybe when we would be contacted. Hurry up and wait. Fucking wonderful.
Work was going well, especially for End Of Month. Only now 3 oother loans I was looking forward to closiong this month as well are fucking falling apart becaue the damn Loan Officer doesn't know what they are selling, or the damn borrowers can't get me the info I need in time to get the shit done. Major Pisser!!! I don't know if I can even save them enough to finish next month. ARGH!! Shit! And now I am getting more problems from these damn lenders!!
I've pretty much given up the trying to quit smoking thing. Though I have reduced the amount I smoke to only when I am drinking...which is less than I am working, but more than likely still too much. My diet is going so-so. I do good during the week, but sometimes I splurge on the weekend, and it makes me feel like I accomplished nothing, though I may still have lost a pound or two. I am starting to get pissed at the fact that my pants are a pain to try to keep up - even with a belt! And I am waiting that first nice check so I can go shopping for smaller sizes!
Good news! I should be expecting my book order to arrive today. That'll give me 5 more books that may last 1-1/2 weeks. I did pick up some Nora Roberts from a bartender friend so I can finish the circle trilogy.
Okay, I am out of here. I need to run to the bathroom , and try to fix this damn problem that title is creating for me.
PeacE
What are y'all looking for?
Fer sure, by golly, somes peoples get 'em some serious lost when they are out and about surfing the internet. For example, here is this weeks installments of what the search engines brought to my site. I know there has got to be one guy doing some of these searches, and it creeps me out what he searches for... okay! From newest to oldest (about 1/25)
Granny banged
granny gets banged
- both of these within about 2 hours - damn sicko!
boobies blogspot - someone looking for this site in particular I think
beer boobies football jokes stories - I am thinking of doing this search myself sometime!
extreme dry lips - Wonder how that got here?
banged granny - damn sicko perv again
mule steering yee and haw - I have been known to be around jackasses, but this made me laugh!
pediatrician heart murmur - simple one to understand
boobiesandbeer.net - someone knew what they were doing!
mexico trip - I think it was one of the guys trying to find the site..
That's it for this week...
PeacE
Granny banged
granny gets banged
- both of these within about 2 hours - damn sicko!
boobies blogspot - someone looking for this site in particular I think
beer boobies football jokes stories - I am thinking of doing this search myself sometime!
extreme dry lips - Wonder how that got here?
banged granny - damn sicko perv again
mule steering yee and haw - I have been known to be around jackasses, but this made me laugh!
pediatrician heart murmur - simple one to understand
boobiesandbeer.net - someone knew what they were doing!
mexico trip - I think it was one of the guys trying to find the site..
That's it for this week...
PeacE
Friday, January 26
Thank the EFF it is Friday!
Damn! What a busy day! I thrive for days like this in the office, moreso when I can actually accomplish stuff, rather than fight with lenders over penny-ante BS that they can't read/understand/see. Good day overall though.
No major plans this weekend. Waiting for my book order to come in, which won't be until Monday. Older kids have a Bday thing with my nephew at LaserQuest tomorrow, and I have softball come Sunday morning. Wow. Exciting. I'm ready for my next vacation which will be in July, for the OTL in San Diego.
Let's see if anything exciting happens this weekend ....
PeacE
No major plans this weekend. Waiting for my book order to come in, which won't be until Monday. Older kids have a Bday thing with my nephew at LaserQuest tomorrow, and I have softball come Sunday morning. Wow. Exciting. I'm ready for my next vacation which will be in July, for the OTL in San Diego.
Let's see if anything exciting happens this weekend ....
PeacE
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