Not Sure What to do With Myself

 It's an early Wednesday morning, and though I wish it were because I happened to awaken early, but sadly it is not. I'm still awake since yesterday. As it nears the 5am hour, I just finished typing up notes from the Post House Committee meeting (I'm the Secretary) and sent out to the Chair for approval, prior to sending out to all House members. Tonight's meeting was long, long, long.... I say that because the Chair is someone that has ADHD (squirrel!) and goes off on tangents. But tonight, he actually made some points/discussion issues on paper, and was good about it, until he asked if anyone had 'other business', in which I spoke up. He gave me a quizzical look, to which I responded, 'we have two months of tabled discussions, unclosed issues that have not been addressed, so as I voice them, tell me if these are "off the table" or let's resolve them'. Big Sigh, but I had the opportunity to remove a few, resolve a few, and bring discussion to the others. Overall, was a good meeting, though longer than I like. And I think the Chair may be mad at himself for appointing me as Secretary (previously, the position was held by no one that took notes).

That being said, and 2 1/2 hours later (typing minutes categorizing as to new/old/notes/discussion) took me awhile. I just emailed and asked for an edit, if any revisions need to be made (corrections with dates/info/etc) and now I wait. He's pretty good, and I expect a reply later this morning. Our General Post meetings are next Tuesday, and though I am Aux, I don't have to take notes, but we are at the fiscal year, and elections for leadership are taking place. Nominations were last month, and I am sure we will allow 'last minute' ones, but in the Aux, I think we are covered. Thankfully I am not nominated for anything. My Secretary standing with the House Comm is 'appointed', just as is the same with the Riders Chapter. I don't have to be elected, and as usual, no male wants the job. I guess being a book nerd gets me the job.....

Spent this last weekend down South with the Daughter and family. I always love seeing my Doodad, Widget, and Babygirl.... oh and her husband. Wife and I stayed overnight (hotel) and Saturday we all went to dinner at Golden Corral (a buffet). SIL pulled a change on me, and jumped in to pay for dinner as an Anniversary present for the Wife and I (34 years this past Sunday). I was a tad angry, as I invited them out. I'm of the mind-set that if I invite you, I pay. If you invite me/us, you pay. Well, he got me that night. But it was much appreciated. I forced him to at least let me leave the tip.

I don't know about how normal people go through life (I always considered myself off-center of normal) but lately I have been doing too much internal reflection. Recently, the Middle Son has been asking questions of me (via phone text messages) inquiring about several things. Mostly about his grandfather, and my memories of him. Then about more about me, and the years prior to the Wife and I being married. As I turned these questions over in my mind, I realize that with all my children, I never talked much about my life, prior to marrying their mother. And even those few years at the beginning, there are many details that to this day I don't speak about. The Wife knows some, and I trust her when I said she can never share, but if someone were to ask, she could direct them to me. I don't think that happened with the Middle Son, but either way, he has come asking.

...and I don't know what to do. I hate talking on the phone. Phone texts are even worse, especially if you are trying to share a story...forever typing. Sigh. I told the Son to just text me questions, and when we can meet up, I'll share the answers. But as parents, getting time with your adult children, that is sometimes harder than actually answering the question. This Son has asked me some pretty specific questions, and some I have already replied to, basically telling him to 'wonder forever, because you get no answer from me'. That wasn't easy to tell one of my kids, but sometimes, there are things that even they do not need to know about my life.

And there we have it. Life. Been thinking/feeling a lot about it lately. Medically things seem to be going well. BP and Diabetes allegedly under control (according to daily testing). I seem to find new and more things to add to the list that I 'should ask the doctor about' which will never happen, until I have to. I know much of it is due to habits (drinking, smoking, previous drug use) but I tend to mark it as old age, and this body just falling apart. In some ways, I wish I were more like RM & PT where I am more fit (regardless what you say RM!!!) for my age than I am. But that's' where life gets you when you make not good decisions in your younger years. Sigh.

Okay. I'm done pontificating this morning. It's Wednesday. Happy Hump Day.

PeacE

No Working Title

 I'm not sure where to start. I have been in a funk for most this past week. Feeling morose, and somewhat depressed. Not sure why.

The Nurse Practioner I have been seeing called me the other day. I guess it was time for my prescriptions to renew, and the Metformin needed authorized. I guess she feels that with my alcohol intake and liver levels, that metformin was worse for the liver, and wanted to switch me to a new 'script. Okay, but then she said it was injections one per week, at the office. Nope. Then she suggested another pill option, that she would check to be sure the insurance approves. Okay.

Yesterday I go to the pharmacy, and pick up 6 prescriptions. The new one, there is an insurance issue. So the pharmacy calls the ins, and it has something to do about my address doesn't match what the ins co has on file...? How could I get the other 6 'scripts if it didn't match? I think the Dr's office screwed up the submission. Well, metformin was one of the refills, so I ain't worried about this new pill. If that doesn't get fixed, oh well.

I need to work on cutting back on my drinking. Seems I am doing more of it lately - not sure if it is this mood swing, or what. I know I tend to drink to help getting to sleep easier, as when I don't drink, I don't sleep well, or much. I think there are bigger reasons as to what is going on, but not sure I want to find out. I feel tired of all the crap, and just want it to stop.

Pretty morose today.

PeacE

An Expensive Morning

 I was awake, dressed and out the door at 7:40 this morning, to pick up the Oldest Son at his apartment. We had talked yesterday, and made some decisions about his current vehicle issues. While the car that was stolen is still in the repair shop, he made the decision to go ahead and get a newer vehicle. This morning I was picking him to run down to a particular dealership that had used vehicles of the make/model he wanted, within his price range. We were in and out of there in about 2 1/2 hours - way better than the 3-4 I had to do each time on my vehicles. Of course, getting there moments after they opened, on a weekday, was a wise decision. And today started their President's Day sale for the weekend as well. He is now an owner of a 2021 Toyota Rav4 XLE that is metallic grey in color (like my first Rav was) and has a few more bells & whistles than my Rav4 has, but okay. With some haggling, we go the price down about $6,000 from the first offer. Still, all said and done, it was a hefty price (thanks inflation). Of course, I was along to drive him there, and assist if needed for anything. And I had the checkbook (Son had not ordered checks recently for his account). Of course, Mom & Dad are helping a little with the financials, but most of the cost he has covered. He has done well saving up.

By the way, RM, I'll let him do the bragging about the new vehicle... but I had to post about it somewhere. My boy is getting all growed up. He is even taking over his own insurance costs as of now. If we could get him to do that with his cell phone, he would be cut of any financial ties.... sigh. Someday soon. I know right now he is much more relaxed. He has been stressing about the whole situation for a couple months, and this helps ease his mind (mine too). When his other car is out of the repair shop, and the insurance has completed their portion of the costs, the Wife and I are talking about 'buying' it from the Son. Maybe it will encourage the Youngest to get his permit finally, and it can be his when he finishes high school. Not quite sure what plans are at this exact moment.

So, once papers were signed, car washed and detailed, Son took me to lunch. We went to a place called Little Miss BBQ. Wife and I had been there once about a year ago, and we really liked the food. Son had never been, so I suggested it. A little pricey, but REALLY GOOD - and hey, he was buying. He loves the place now as well. Plus we got to sit and visit for a bit more.

I came home, and emailed our insurance person, passing along Son's contact info for them to get in touch with each other about getting his new policy set up. Now I am just kind of relaxing, a little. This truly is one stress off my mind, knowing that the Son has reliable (and better theft-proof) vehicle, and his stress is much less due to the situation as well. I know RM can relate to the stress parents have about the stress their children have.

I am truly feeling much better. I think this time I have taken/taking to help get things 'sorted out' has been working well. Still have much I need to "do" ... but it is getting there.

PeacE

A No-Football Sunday

 I'm at a bit of a loss this morning. I had spent what seemed quite a bit of the night trying to fall asleep, when at 6:55AM my phone alarm goes off. What? I didn't set the alarm last night? And why is it set for such a weird time? I don't know, but it was, it did, and I laid there in bed all of two minutes, knowing that I was not going back to sleep. Sigh. So it was "up and at 'em" even if I am still a bit groggy.

The leg has gotten much better. Still a bit sensitive to the touch, but not in a painful way. I am marking it as 'healed up' and moving on. My mental fog I have been working through actually feels somewhat better as well. I wonder if it is the lack of stress helping that out, or me just working on things and straightening that mental closet. I don't know, but hopefully within the next week I will feel better enough to get back into the work habit.

I woke, and when I got around to writing here this morning, I figured it was a no-football Sunday, meaning no games until the Superflush next week. Well, I was wrong. While I ate a couple bites of breakfast, I realized that the Pro Bowl is today. Not that I care at all. I will have to text out to the buddies and see if they are meeting up to watch. We didn't discuss it last week, concentrating on details for SB next week.

Middle Son stopped by yesterday for literally a quick moment. Last weekend he had gone down to Tucson to visit his Sister and family. I guess she sent him home with some leftover broccoli and cheese soup (YUCK!) for the Wife, so he stopped yesterday and dropped it off. When the Wife was mentioning this to me, I started to interrupt her to remind him that he and his brother both have packages here. I guess she says she did tell him, and he mentioned he would back 'in the next couple days' to get them. I'm hoping it is not today if I decide to meet up with the buddies as I would like to see him.

So as you see, I have really exciting stuff going on, and I guess I should get to the bathroom and get all gussied up for my day.

PeacE

The Mental Fog Rolls On ....

 Welcome to the first hour of Thursday morning in the Mountain Standard Time zone. I'm awake (still) and decided laying in bed listening to the Wife sleep was not doing me any good. So here I am in front of the computer trying to figure out what 1) to do to help make me sleepy, 2) is wrong with me. Now, now ... don't go jumping in there on the #2 with things that you could definitely say about me that would fit your way of thinking.

The leg is doing better. The tightness of skin, fever, and pain at the softest of touches has slowly been going away. It is not as 'red' as it looked a few nights ago, though, both legs have some slight discoloration that the Wife has commented is probably due to the bad circulation I have in them. The area still feels tender pain when slightly prodded, and that area has spread out a little, but not much. Overall, I would say it is fixing itself with me just not bearing weight (as much as possible) on it.

My mental state is still 'foggy'. I don't know how to describe it, even if I were to see a psychologist. I know it is not my meds as the diabetes/blood pressure/cholesterol pills have been the same dosage for several months now. I have actually been drinking less alcohol than what was 'normal' for me, so I don't think that is it. I have been doing some self-analyzing of what life experiences that I have been through in the last month or so, and the only thing I can think of is some form of mental stress. Maybe combined with some physical stress as well. I have been pushing myself to change some life habits (trying to eat healthier, smaller portions; drinking alcohol less, and more water; adjusting my diet to have less sugars; et cetera). 

That also includes things that I do outside of work. I got into Warcraft a little more, and since the boys and I are in the same guild in-game, I joined the Raid team, that performs twice a week in the evenings. That helps keep me home, and not at the bar. Though, I admit, I stress a little as I am not as "gung-ho" like so many of the team are, and my character is not as geared up, nor producing the damage levels that they are. It's a work in progress. I've been trying to catch up on more of the unwatched TV series (about nine of them currently) and other movies through the streaming services I have, just to stay home more. There is still a limit as to how much media I can watch though, even interspersing it with gaming, or reading.

Yesterday I emailed into work again, and explained that I had some health related issues I needed to address, as they were affecting my ability to perform my job duties as needed. I requested that they just remove me from this project and I would contact Recruiting when I was ready/able to return after a short break (hopefully). The Manager messaged back that if needed they could adjust my working hours to something that would fit my needs, but I said no. I did not share more as to why, but I just can't seem to stay focused when working. My mind wanders off to the twenty-million other things running through it, and I can't concentrate on the information I am going through. I think I will break for a week for now, and see if this helps get my head back on straight.

I realized later this past evening, that I felt less stressed just a little. The Wife and I had talked about my mental well-being Tuesday night, and agreed to some of the steps I mentioned above. Work issue for sure, and she knows I have been working on the other things.

The Oldest Son finally heard from the insurance company about his vehicle. It took them nearly a month to get a valuation on the damages when it was stolen. They said that there were issues in physically locating the car within the Phoenix Police that caused the delay. Sounds to me like the police didn't properly record where it had been towed to, just the same as they never contacted my Son that it had been recovered at all. Anyways, according to the list they sent the Son, some minor front bumper damage, obviously the steering column and key mechanism, a back door window broken, 4-wheel alignment needed, and interior cleaning (guessing the glass, plus the window being broken for the past  month plus). Overall, with labor, they quoted damages at just over $1,000. Yeah. The deductible is $1,000. Go figure. We messaged a bit about it, then he asked what I think he should do. Get it fixed. You need wheels, and it has been a month plus since you have had any. Use it to save up some more money, then use it as a trade-in. One of his fears is the "party" that stole it from his apartment complex, if they live there, and see it back, would they steal it again knowing how easy it was the last time? Though, I told him that works with any vehicle, his or not. Though, his being a 2017, why didn't have the chipped key, so it wouldn't start if they didn't have the key? Answers I just don't have...

Well, with no work tomorrow, I need to figure out what I am going to do. Oldest and Middle Sons have had a few bits of mail, plus some packages arrive here they have not picked up, so I may call and run that over to them. Maybe can do a brunch with them - I don't know. At some point here in the next week the front needs mowed again. There's always my books to read, Warcraft to play, and internet surfing that won't get done if I don't do it, too.

Happy Thursday. I'm off to do some gaming for a bit, and hope it helps me sleep.

PeacE

Going Mental

 The last couple of weeks have been somewhat ... different. I say that in a way, that I don't mean my daily routines varied so much, or major catastrophes happened. It's just been different. I noticed that I have felt a higher amount of tiredness - not necessarily sleepiness, just overall tiredness. My mental state has been pretty blah ... just not worth getting excited about anything. My friends have noticed that I am "quieter than normal - not being a s chatty". In doing some self reflection, I see that now. I have no idea what started this, nor how long it will last.

I 'emailed in' sick yesterday. I said I was not feeling well (I wasn't) and that I would need a couple days to hopefully get over it. Why? I don't know - I just did. I did not feel well - physically was weary, and another pain (talk soon). I was achy in an almost flu-like way. I was not hungover, I just didn't feel good. I did catch some extra sleep, but it left me feeling worse off I think than before. Probably the reason I am up and awake at 2:45 in the morning. That, and the back-to-back dreamings I had that woke me with my heart racing. I won't go into detail, as it isn't important... just was.

Sunday night I had the Wife take a look at my lower left leg. the partial front and outer part of my calf had started hurting that day, and it felt feverish, and tight, like the skin was going to split open. She wasn't sure what it could be, but thought it might be a skin infection from when I had the car accident last April. This was the leg that had gotten some scratching on the shin from the dashboard edge. Her other thought was "compartmentalized something or other". No clue what that meant. It could be just an inflammation of some sort. I took some acetaminophen and stayed off it. Yesterday it still ached to the touch, and when bearing weight, though it didn't seem as bad as Sunday. This morning it is still touch sensitive, and I'll drop a couple more pills before trying to lay down again at some point.

Maybe my mental state is just the body getting old on me. I have no clue.

PeacE