Friday, October 24

Doing Better

It has been almost a week since my friend Don passed away. It has seemed harder to cope with the loss, even when compared to my friend Smitty when he passed away. I think the difference is when Smitty was sick, we knew about it, saw how he was getting worse ... had time to accept he was not doing well. Don's was pretty much just out of the blue. Or at least our knowledge of it. Grieving sucks. We are having a Celebration of Life for him coming up here in the next three weeks.

This last week, I have spent some time (while driving, go figure) about the what if's of life. I know the Wife and I should get wills drawn up, but it seems each time we try to get to a point to decide on things, and something else happens to distract us... band event, church event, etc.I guess we need to be more definite about getting that done.

Today should be a light day at work. Usually on Fridays, I pull parts for Saturday and Monday, then do my regular delivery route. However, this Monday there is an all-day training scheduled. So my guess is I will pull only Saturday, and then on Monday, resume the regular schedule. I think I will go in more like the time I am supposed to today, rather than the hour early like usual.

PeacE

Monday, October 20

...

Friday was a long day. Not only did my regular job take a bit longer, that night I was covering a shift for one of the bouncers at the pub.Friday was also the day my buddy Don took a turn to the worse. Seems his health had deteriorated so bad that day, they moved him to hospice that evening. A couple people I knew had been in to see him, and told me how bad he looked, and that I should get there to see him. But I had to finish work first. All night I debated with myself, if I should go see him or not. Word was he was incoherent due to the morphine. By then end of the shift came, I had decided I would go, and I got there about 3 am.

Fifty minutes later, he passed away. Was he hanging on, waiting for me to get there? I don't know. His girlfriend said she believes it, and it just makes me feel guilty. To think he held on waiting for me, so because I hadn't gone and seen him sooner, everyone, including himself, had to suffer? I don't like to think that.

I spent most of the weekend with my family, avoiding having to deal with people. Though Sunday I did go down to the pub to watch the Redskins win (a win for Don!) and saw a few people there. Dread going into work today. Don had gotten me this job, and he had been with this company several years. Many of the techs he has worked with for even longer with other companies, through mergers, etc. I have a feeling, that prior to getting to start my route, it is going to be a long day. I'm trying to time it so I am not early (like usual) and right on time, to avoid as much extra chatter as possible.

Have I dealt with all my grief? Probably not. I just don't want to be dealing with it in public.

PeacE

Friday, October 17

Gone For A Few

Posting here will be spottier than the usual. I mentioned yesterday about my buddy Don, and some new info came to me yesterday. Seems he is in stage three with his cancer. It has spread from the spot on his neck (now removed) somehow to areas of his brain, his lungs, and that there are spots on his liver as well. He was moved into ICU and is on oxygen (due to the pneumonia) and morphine (to help with the pain - severe headaches related to the brain tumors is my guess). He has lost quite a bit of weight. His girlfriend and his daughter are meeting with doctors today to discuss options for treatment and whatnot. As of last night, his girlfriend said he will be needing to be transferred to a hospice within the next couple days, as the doc says nothing can be done while he has pneumonia. They gave him a prognosis of three months.

A couple years back one of our (Don and I) friends had passed in a similar incident. Had a lump on his side, went to have it removed. Turned out it was cancerous, and somehow had spread. Smitty went through a few weeks of chemotherapy, before getting pneumonia. From that point, he went into hospice, then home, then hospital with pneumonia again, back to hospice, before finally giving up the fight. Don goes in to have a lump from the side of his neck removed, and here the cycle starts again.

Maybe I should stop having friends. No. I know that won't happen. This whole thing just makes me think stupid things, because I am stressed out over the whole situation. Things like, how did they miss these other cancer areas, if he had stuff done on his neck within just the past few months? Did he know, and not want to tell anyone? Did he opt to not do chemo, and possibly end up in the same situation as Smitty (even though, it appears he still has)? Yeah, like I said, stupid thoughts. Either way it doesn't matter. He has it. It is there. What do we do next.

See ya in a few days.....

PeacE

Thursday, October 16

Health

If some person were to stop me one the street (hopefully without the television camera) and ask my if I felt I was healthy, I would say yes. They would probably follow that question up with, "Are you sure?" and my answer would still be yes.

If you have seen a pic of me, you might even question this yourself. I am overweight. Not just a "few pounds", I am talking like 50 pounds or more. I smoke. I drink alcohol - more than I should, more often than I should. I don't exercise (regular routine, or go to the gym anymore). I eat fatty foods, or foods that supposedly are not healthy.Sometimes I eat a lot of that kind of food.

Sure, over the past 2-3 years I have lost some pounds. I am not that fat guy over 350 pounds that had to use a cane to walk anywhere. Sure I try to eat more salad and drink less beer. My job keeps me active for at least half the work day, and I mean active like on the feet constantly moving, lifting "weights". I sweat a ton at work.

So ... healthy? I would say yes.

My buddy Don isn't, at least at the moment. Since his surgery to remove some cancer on the side of his neck, he is back in the hospital again. This time with pneumonia, that in my experience, he probably got while having the surgery in the first place. Either way, there seems to be some conflicting opinions of what people have been told is going on with his health. One report is that the cancer spread to his liver. Another that it is just the pneumonia. Either way, he was not doing good earlier this week, and got to do an ambulance ride Tuesday morning. He will be in at least 3-4 days for now. I should go up and see him, but with my work schedule versus visiting hours .... that and I hate hospitals.

Healthy. Yeah, and I just had some pizza rolls. Talk about breakfast of champions.

PeacE

Monday, October 13

Feeling Wiped Out

Today ended up being a long day, or at least it sure felt like it. Yesterday I had spent most of the day with friends, as we were out at the University of Phoenix stadium, tailgating prior to going in and watching my Redskins get their butts handed to them. I think I am pretty much done with our performance this season, though I will still watch and support my team, I just may not get excited for them. Except when we play Dallas, because then every NFL team is on our side to beat Dallas.

The tailgating was fun, as I had not been out there to do it in several years. This time around there were more people (some I knew, others I didn't) also there was a ton of food, though, I only munched here and there because I was too busy talking and drinking beer. My ticket once we went in was at the corner of one end zone, here they call it the Red Zone, so was two stories down, pretty much level with the field. One could smell the turf from my seat, and were close to the plays at that end zone, though, there were not many. The Jumbotron at the other end of the field was seen with clarity to help enjoy the game. Beer was expensive inside - about $11.50 for a "bomber" which was a tall boy can.

Afterwards, those I rode with, and a few others went over to the restaurant/shopping area near the stadium (called WestGate) and sat down to dinner at Margaritaville - yes the chain owned by Jimmy Buffet. My first time there. The food was okay, and along with the drinks (I was having just beer) both were pricey. Following dinner we all rode back to the starting point, and I drove home. I had thought about going up to the bar, but figured I had had enough to drink (I thought that?) I just went home.

This morning had me waking up from about 4:30 on, seemingly every 45 minutes. Got up to run the Son to school, then returned to bed as I was feeling the regular worn out from drinking too much - not a hangover per se, but just groggy and tired. I slept in nap increments until I needed to get moving for work. Felt fine most of the day, though, before I started my route, I was beginning to feel muscle soreness in the legs from all the walking the previous day, then working on my feet today. By 5:30 this evening, about halfway through my route, I just started feeling wiped out.

Once home, I heated up a couple Hot Pockets, and here I sit, waiting awhile for the food to digest before heading to bed. I am sure I will sleep in til time to take the Son to school. I am beat.

PeacE

Friday, October 10

*Sigh*

That was a relieved sigh, not one of frustration, though, there are days I feel that way. The reason I am relieved has to do with the health of one of my buddies. A couple weeks ago he had a surgery to remove some scar tissue from the side of his neck where some cancer had been before. All of a sudden, another good friend and I, were not receiving any contact from this one friend - texts, calls .... nothing. Finally last night we talked and things are good again. Seems he was having some bad headaches (that were getting worse) and finally went to the doctor about them. He had some fluid building up in his inner ear, so they put a tube in there, and now he says he is doing much better.

Sure doesn't sound like much. But my friend is 58 years old, and after having lost another friend just a few short years ago to cancer, we (meaning my other friend and I) were getting a bit worried about the sudden "no contact".

I'm just relieved that he is feeling better now, and just needs to rest up.

PeacE

Monday, October 6

I Just Want to Breath

Ever felt so overwhelmed that you just can't breath? Well not me. For me, it is my allergies. And they were bad this weekend. Yesterday I literally had one eye that would not quit watering, so that kept that side of my nose running. So by evening time, my eye is swollen and red, as is the nose, from rubbing and blowing (respectively) them all day. I even had my regular allergy pill, but it didn't seem to work. I am hoping today, whatever was setting me off, will be reduced, considering I will working and running around town.

I did get quite a bot of sleep I feel. Both Saturday and Sunday nights I was in bed earlier than usual, and slept well through the night. I feel more rested, though still a bit achy. I think that is just the age though.

My Redskins play tonight, and will probably lose to Seattle, but I told my buddies I would do my best to meet them at the pub for the 4th quarter. I might be able to make it if I can get a decent start on the route tonight.

PeacE