Tuesday, July 31

Afternoon update - maybe a story?

(Yawn)! Yes I have been enjoying my holiday! In fact, what made it easier to enjoy, was our server going down for two hours! Yea! I can't email, transfer online, surf the web, nada! So what better thing to do, considering I forgot the book in the car, than to write a story. No writer's block here folks... infact, I got to writing and I meant for just 1 short story and ended up with more. So now I have another work in progress, depending on the reaction to it. So without further adeiu, here is a prologue and chapt 1 of what I did today. Let me really know how you feel, 'cuz I sorta felt juvenile writing it, and almost like I am stilling several ideas from several movies.. I dunno. You tell me.

It all happened so fast. I have no idea where it came from, but I sure know where it ended up. Against my forehead, nice and cold. I could almost feel the emptiness of the barrel. I uncrossed my eyes from looking at the gun, and slid my sight down the barrel. ‘Nice black finish,’ I couldn’t stop myself from thinking. ‘Extended barrel; revolver; my guess would be a .357. And they’re not using hollow points.’ Now my view had reached the gunman’s, and I could see the uncertainty in his eyes; it was there, flickering in and out with fear and rage.

“Well, hombre. You and me here. What ya gonna do?” I asked slowly. I tried to keep my voice from breaking, and in the back of my head, the rest of me was trying to keep from releasing my bladder. I was always told to play tough if this were to ever happen. Be tough. Stay on topic. Confuse the shooter, then defuse the situation. Almost like every cop negotiation seen on TV. Things aren’t always that easy though. I should know. I was the one with the gun against my head.

“So exactly why are you holding this gun against my head? Do I know you?”

“YOU know what you did. And I’m a gonna put one in you to stop you from taking from me again!” His eyes are getting beady, and I can see the sweat starting to form on his forehead. I haven’t much time left. I slowly raise my left hand, and his eyes dart back and forth between it and my face. I start to reach into my jacket –

“Don’t do it! I will shoot you dead.” The sweat has begun to run down the sides of his face. The crappy long sideburns he has doesn’t stop them at all. I watch a drop drip off his chin.

“C’mon, boy. You don’t want it to end this way. Let me show you my wallet, por favore.” His eyes glance to my hand again, and I slowly slide it in my jacket. “We gonna end this just fine,” I say softly. His gaze switches back to my eyes. More sweat drips off his face. “Just watch,” I croon softly to him, “this!!”

At that moment I kick out, smashing the inside of his knee. The sound of the dislocation is huge in the quiet interior. I fling out and up my left hand, brandishing a collapsible baton. In smooth motion my arm deflects the gunman’s aim, and the baton slides open to slam against his forehead. Moving quickly I squat and leg sweep what is left of his right leg out, and the body falls to the floor. Before he can open his eyes, and start to scream from the pain, I am standing on his gun hand, and tapping his check with the baton.

“Now then, shall we say, you owe me an explanation?” I coyly ask. He starts screaming and trying to grab his shattered knee. “Tut, tut. No manners.” I reach down for his revolver, and spin the chamber to make sure it is full. A snap of the wrist closes it, and I cock it, pointing at his head. “One last try, Amigo?”

Stifling a scream, he looks into my eyes, and I see the fear running rampant now. Sweat is pouring off his face, mixed with tears of pain. “They told me you was coming. They told me to stop you. I would get lots of money and my family would not be hurt if I stopped you. Let me go. I won’t tell them you are coming still.” The shakes take over his body for a moment, and I pondered what I should do.

We’ve all seen the movies, and the movies are almost always right. If I let him go, as soon as I turn to leave he will miraculously get a gun and shoot me in the back; or he will try, and I will turn and shoot him first. Either way he is dead, and I am slightly wounded, or maybe free from harm. But you always have to get the info from them first. So I needed info, then get rid of him. Some other way around this? Hmmm….

“No habla senor. I don’t know who “they” are, or why they want to off me. Do you?”

“I know nothing. I only want to protect my family from them. They are bad men. Please help me!”

“I sure will help you, muy amigo.”

“Oh, thank you, sir! Thank –“ The report of the pistol echoes briefly. I collapse the baton, replacing it in my pocket. I start to search his body until I find the wad of cash. Looks to be several hundred, and that goes into my pocket as well. I toss the pistol on the chest of the dead man lying on the floor. I never clean up the mess.

Chapter One

Someone always has questions in which no one will ever have the answer. Trust me, I know all about it. I am that guy. I searched for solutions in places a normal person would never dream of being. Studied religions and doctrines from around the world. Noting comes close to the answers I seek. People tell me God will answer them – and I ask them, then where is God. No man wants to wait for his death, and have his answer told then, if wins the lucky flip of the coin as to where his soul goes. If man has a soul. I know I don’t.

I look in the mirror and see a face that never seems to age. There is a haunting, flickering going on in my eyes as I study this visage. The water running in the sink starts steaming, so I bend over and rinse my face. Nothing feels better than to be clean after I have had to protect myself. That’s my full-time occupation: protecting myself. Has been for years, but I still do not know why or from what. It all started that day back years ago, when I woke up to the sound of waves …

… crashing on the beach. I was laying somewhere comfortable. I felt warm. I did a quick body check, and everything felt okay, so I slowly opened my eyes. It is dark out. I sit up partially, and a blanket falls down my chest. I am in a bed somewhere. Glancing around I see a radio on the bedside, where the sounds are coming from. I hit the off switch and swing my legs out of the bed. I see a faint outline on the wall that I assume is the door.

“Light switches are usually next to them,” I say to myself. I reach out and feel along the wall, until I reach it. The overhead light comes on. Sitting back on the bed I realize I am in some hotel room. From the phone, it looks like I am in the US, but I don’t recognize the area code off hand. I try to remember what I was doing, but nothing comes to mind prior to waking up just now. Realizing I am naked, I look for some clothes, or luggage, and find a duffle with one change of clothes in it. I quickly dress, finding the boots by the bed.

In the process of putting on the boots, I stop motionless as I hear the phone ring. A glance at it helps not at all, as only the message light flashes with each ring. I debate internally whether I should answer or not, after all, I have no clue as to where I am. Matter of fact, it dawns on me I don’t even know what my name is. Finally, curiosity wins out and I pick up the handset.

At first there is no noise. Then I hear a click of a disconnection. I place the handset back in the cradle and stare at the phone debating if this is a good thing to have happened, or should I be kissing my ass goodbye about now. After a few seconds, it begins to ring again. I pick it up on the third ring.

“Finally you answered. What the hell took you so long?” It was a man’s voice, but it rang no bells in my memory. I decide to play it safe.

“I was in the bathroom. You know – doing the duty. What’s up?”

“I’m telling you now, I am clean of all this crap. This is the last time I expect you to walk into my life.” The man is getting uptight and tense sounding. I still can’t put a name or face to the voice. “Don’t ever come around here again. Your carry items are in the drawer under the phone. There’s enough money to take a bus far from here. What you do the rest of your life, I don’t care.”

I quickly open the drawer and see a wallet, comb, handkerchief and crisp $100 bills lying there. Looks to be almost $1000 in cash. No keys or change. “So you just want me to leave here?” I ask, stalling for time, or information.

“Yes. Don’t try to contact me again after this time. I have washed my hands of you. You are nothing but evil incarnate walking the earth, and you drag your minions around killing everything you touch. I am marked for life, as you know, John.”

John? Is that my name? I grab the wallet and open it to a California ID card. Name reads John Doe. I don’t recognize the address but it is somewhere in Santa Monica – my guess probably fake as the name. I start the push for info. “Where am I? Who is this?”

“C’mon John. It’s always the same with you. You specifically told me to put you where you are, and to give you this call at this time. What you do now, and what you remember is all up to you. After this last time, I am not doing this anymore. You are on your own. I will help with one extra bit of info for you though…. After you pay the hotel bill, and you turn to the door and face the street. Turn right and start walking. That’s the direction of the bus terminal several miles down the road, and the best direction for you to get the hell away from me.” Slam! The dial tone comes back on, so I reluctantly hang up. I put the items in my pockets and do a quick walk-thru of the room to see if there is anything I forgot. Nothing worth taking. I even leave the duffle bag. I head towards the office, blinking in the mid-morning sun.

Walking into the office I smile at the guy at the desk. We settle up the bill – seems I was here only one day. I ask directions to the bus depot, and he points down the street, saying it just a couple miles. I walk out the door, and head the opposite way, pondering what the hell is going on with me.


Inky, Winky, Blinky BLAM!

According to experts, my personality type is :
Assasin for hire
Ink Blot Personality TestOther people like me display these traits.
  • They smell like cucumbers
  • They have nose hair
  • They work in fast food resturants
  • They drive a honda
  • Take the Ink Blot Personality Quiz at JokesUnlimited.com

    Declaration of Personal Holiday

    That's right. I have finally gotten around to doing it, and today is the day. I am declaring today officially as my Personal Holiday. It's the last of the month, and I don't feel like doing shit today - so I won't. I am going to do the minimal amount of work, spend more time surfing the web and reading blogs. I might just even extend my lunch hour by an extra 30 minutes.

    I have already gotten the reminder this morning that we have 8 days to close every loan on our desk. That is when we drop the bank charter we are under now. Anything not closed by then, will have to be re-started under the new company name. Which could mean, several weeks of work now has to be undone, and re-worded/titled and then resubmitted. Too much fucking work by my standards, considering I am the one that will have to do it. At least I have fewer files than the other processor here.

    The daughter is off to NAU for band camp this morning. She also registered for school. Hard to believe she is a sophomore now ... Hell, even the Boys are getting big. The middle one starts Kindergarten this fall. His birthday is next week and he turns 5. Already he has been saying he wants a party at the "pizza place where they have the games". I have already broke down and put $100 back for the food, plus whatever else will be spent on tokens. Now I just need to figure out how many to invite that I can afford to feed...

    I must be off now to work some miracles for the morning. Already have 3 fires to piss on to put them out ... lovely, just effing lovely. Come back later, I am sure I will have more stuff later on today - after all, it is my Personal Holiday.


    Monday, July 30

    I want a ....

    ... an airline ticket to the LA area, and the name of a street gun seller. Some lending institutions need to be eradicated. Some C4 and a shotgun would do wonders if I visited their offices.

    ... miracle pill for common sense. Hell, I would even go for something in liquid form. I would then distribute to everyone in my office, so that when they come to my door, and see (let alone hear) me screaming at someone on the phone, that they don't open the door and say "Are you busy?"

    ... silent, sound-proof room. Doesn't have to be large, but definitely sound-proofed - so I can yell my heart's content about whatever I need to yell about, because I have to play kiss-ass to other companies because I need their services. See the first line above.

    ... ice cold Bud, and a double Jack, to start, and I know what I am going to have in just under 2 hours.

    Ain't it nice to want? One more day to go ... and then new company by the 8th. I'll try not to whine too much for the next week.


    Sometimes, it just ain't enough ...

    ... and I am talking about the number of days in the weekend. I feel like there should have been at least 1 more day to rest up from the week before, or at least get done what I need to get done. Instead, I feel more like I didn't accomplish much.

    I did pick up the last Harry Potter and finished it this weekend. I have passed along to my daughter for the week whilst she is at NAU for band camp. Then she will pass to the oldest son to read. I for one am just glad that the series is over. I only have to wait for 2 more movies, then it is pretty much done. I doubt they will expand on that writer's universe more than they already have.

    Two more days of EOM, then I can relax again here at work. I have a feeling I am going to be one hell of an asshole to the LO's today already. I have had an argument with a realtor in Texas first thing when I walked in, so I know I already am not in a very good mood. So I went to read my emails, and had a joke that helped brighten me up a bit. For your Monday humor, until I get in a better mood, here's a joke for the day:

    When my wife came home Sunday afternoon to find the kitchen and living room a mess, the laundry still in a pile by the washer and me on the couch having done nothing but drink beer and watch football all day, she yelled, "Watch yourself, mister, or you're going to make me
    do something I don't want to do."

    "Wow," I thought, "I can't believe I'm
    going to get a blowjob out of this."


    Friday, July 27

    Friday - go check this out

    For those of you that read him, Ambulance Driver has put together a compilation story between himself, Babs, and Matt. I just finished reading it in order and it is pretty effing neat. Start here with Matt's blog, then head to AD's, then on to Babs - each has links on their site.

    edit: AD corrected me - It was Matt's idea to collaborate and put this together - Kudos!

    Click here to start

    Other than that, my Friday has been one hell of a shitty day. The company is dropping it's corporate bank partner and going to a new company name - transition periods suck. At least my job is supposedly not in jeopardy... we will see about that.

    Nothing more for you today. I am trying to get out of here early, and still get this last deal done that I think is now a lost cause. I hate files from the branch mgrs...


    Thursday, July 26

    5 days left for EOM

    Oh, how I effing hate EOM. The only part that I think is actually good, is that I can vent my frustration upon anyone that dares to stick their head into my domain. Three very new LO's found that out today. No mercy for the weak.

    And because it is that wonderful time called EOM, I am not going to have much to post over the next few days. I am already starting to put some extra hours into work, to close about 10 deals before the 8th. That is the Big, Bad, Date I have been handed. Why? Ohhhhhhhh, I wish I could share, but you know how corporations are about their secrets. Be sure I will spill in a few days, especially when I get more info.

    Now, because I have nothing better to do, let's throw out some linky-love!

    Redneck Scottsdale Princess - just because yer local, and we still need to party together sometime

    Freddie over at Warts 'n all - She just writes good stuff

    Maeve at Bartender, Another Round - because we all say that 'nother round stuff, and she likes good whiskey, too

    Okay ladies, enjoy the linky-love. I think I am out of this place for the day. Y'all come back later and see if something actually happens around here.


    Wednesday, July 25

    ... and it is only Wednesday ...

    I have nothing today. It's almost time to leave work and I have been sitting on the grindstone on a file for one of the owners. I don't think it is going to make it, but he keeps pushing on it. I just want the file off my desk and let someone else work it.

    Yup, you guessed it. I am going out for a beer after work. Reverend Mother picks up the three older kids for dinner on Wednesdays, and the Wife just started back to work today. I think a nice c0old Budweiser and a few Jack shots would go down pretty damn good come 6pm.

    I had a dream last night, and for some damn reason I remember a better part of it. I had gone along on one of these BlogMeets and I don't know where it was being held, but it was like single story cabins, almost like camp was when we was little. There was always a table of munchies food, and countless coolers of beverages (most illegal for minors). Chairs were interspersed through out the room. Everyone was pretty much speaking to everyone, and I saw maybe 3 people I recognized as bloggers. Anyways, we were all loading up to go to some restaurant, and I woke up. Premonition I am attending a blogmeet soon? I dunno.....

    Come on back tomorrow and we will see if something of interest happens.


    Tuesday, July 24


    That is about all I have accomplished this morning. I was up late last night, and I just did not get enough sleep. That means tonight I will be heading straight home and crashing.

    It was nice to finally get our first big monsoon storm of the season yesterday. Even if I got drenched going to my car after work! Once I got on the freeway (1 mile away) I headed South doing a whopping 25 miles per hour. This went on for about 3 miles then started to lighten up. At least the car got washed out of the whole thing.

    I'm off to do the reads, and maybe a bit of work. L might have a bit more to say later on. Maeve, doll, I don' think there was a prize for being able to point me out, but iffen ya want, I could send ya an autographed nude!! That there is funny I don't care what you say!


    Monday, July 23

    Another day completed

    Whew! I tell you what, this workload is starting to increase, and I love it! I even came in a half hour early this morning, and just now am finishing up on what I can accomplish today. I am happy production is up and getting better!

    Not that much to write about for this past weekend. I spent most of it at home with the family, catching up on movies and doing some reading. I think I am the only person to not get the HP book out, but will probably pick it up soon, before spoilers start ruining everything.

    I think I am fully recovered from the San Diego trip, and I don't have much to share about the last days there. Actually, truth of it is, I don't remember much of that. I even asked some of the guys if they had some to share of it, and they couldn't really think of much either, except we sat in the bar and drank alot.

    So with out much more ado, I am closing today out with another funny for the day.

    Two men, Dan and Bob, were sitting in a bar, talking over a few beers.Dan was noticing how down Bob looked.

    "What is wrong Bob, you look likehell."

    Bob agreed with him. "Yeah and I feel like it too, I caught my wife with my best friend today."

    Dan was stunned. "My God, Bob, what did you say to her?"

    "I told her to pack her stuff and get out, it was over."

    "Good for you, and what did you say to that so called friend of yours?"

    Bob looked at Dan dead in the eyes. "I grabbed him by the collar, pulled him up and said...Bad Dog."


    Moday Come Early

    I have gotten so much sleep this weekend, I feel tired today. One of those things that just doesn't seem to make sense. Maeve - you are correct. Let's start off with a little humor for this morning...

    I was in Walmart buying a large bag of Purina for my dog and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked me if I had a dog... (DUHHHH)??

    I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her NO and that I
    was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended u p in the hospital the last time. BUT, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of
    my orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head.

    I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that
    practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.)

    Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital. I said, Oh NO!, I'd been sitting in the street licking my privates when a car hit me.

    I thought the tall black dude in back of the line was going to have to be carried out.


    Friday, July 20

    Yeah Baby!

    Which drunk are you?

    You're drunk like me

    You're suave, sensual, can play the guitar like a mother effing right even after 40 oz of rum, you epitomise what drunkenness should be...

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    Vacation to San Diego (Part 2) w/pics

    Saturday – I woke up wondering what time it was, and if I had missed our ride to the Island. I checked my phone and it was only 6:11am, and at that moment, someone was knocking on our door to have us get up and get ready. We had a limo that morning to take the majority of us out to the island, while the others brought the truck. We had prepared this year and gotten a wagon and 3 coolers of beer. Smitty got to find out how my digestion works when I have done pretty much nothing but drink all day, and swears to this day something died inside me.

    Here is a quick shot of the limo we rode in on...

    We had two teams competing this year, the rest of us being spectators along for the fun. As we were loading up the limo, a schedule check was done to determine what league started at what time. Uh oh. Don’s team was actually scheduled for the next weekend. They had just wasted entry fee and trip costs for the wrong weekend. I guess that would sort of classify as bummer # 2. The trip to the island was nice, and we were there plenty before 9. The first game the team was to play wasn’t going to be until at least 10. We sat there watching some other teams play, listening to the announcer call off team names, and drinking what beer we brought. I was watching the time as the Champions tent opened at 9, and I desired some whiskey.

    Side Notes: For those that don’t know, the OMBAC OTL allows any team name – no matter the length, or wording, or swearing. For example, our team to play is named “If you have ever been to Phoenix chances are we fucked one of your relatives”. The team that mis-scheduled is “Arizona Beaver Eaters”. I had gotten a program so I would have the whole list of names. I will share some of the better ones later on, as again I was not fully prepared for posting.

    Note: the Circle of Champions tent is a fenced off area that players can pre-purchase a ticket for entry, to receive free drinks and food throughout the day. This is where last year I had a table reserved for our guys as they came in from playing, or watching.

    I was 7th in the gate and wrist banded for the Champions tent. I made my best decision on table reservation, getting the one closest to the women’s restrooms. That’s right we are pervs, but best place to get some T&A pics. I had brought the camera, notebook, and program guide to make sure this day was a success.

    This one didn't come out too clear, but the sign on the fence reads Ladies Only. Danny on the left, Jimmy on the right.

    The waitress came by, and I started to give her my order, and the $20 I tip to keep them coming all day, and got a nice surprise. It was the waitress from the Beachcomber the night before. Christy remembered me from the bar, and I thought that put things off to a very good start! And she even looked better in the tight shorts and low top she was wearing. I mean we are talking Campbell’s soup-type good – MMM MMM MMMM!! I found out she was getting off at 4, about when we leave, but she was too tired to party with us that night. (Bummer #3??)

    Here are just some random shots of some of the girls we saw.

    From here the notebook does me no justice, since I never got sober enough to add more notes. The weather was perfect; there were lots of ladies around. I have a few pics of some; unfortunately, I could not get them to hold up my Boobies and Beer.net sign I had made. By 11am they were out of bourbon completely, and again, as I did last year, had to switch to scotch again.

    Greg, one of the "virgins" in his free Bail Bonds shirt - think he might need the number this weekend?

    Phoenix had its first official win!!! Their first game in 6 years of going, and got the first legitimate win. Jan decided to retire, Smitty was done for the day, and Eric was just happy as hell! When they’re 2nd game came up they let OBJ, Bill and some others play instead. OBJ now has new initial of JCH (Just Can’t Hit) as after several attempts failed to make ball contact. As a gift for their first win, someone (not sure if was Monty or Steve or Pat) bought the three of them OTL hats (which weren’t cheap). The announcer even broadcasted that after 6 years they had finally won a game.

    Miscellaneous shots of the guys at the table - here is Eric and Bill.

    Don and Jan - in the background table, yellow shirt is OBJ next to Scott.

    I think the only bad thing that day was at lunch, when this black gent and his g/f came and sat at our table. He wouldn’t shut up, and kept going on and on about how no one respects the black man, etc. Eventually he got loud and mouthy enough, he finally was escorted away, but for a while it was a pain.

    Some more females - I was pretty blasted by this point - was hard to get pics.
    Don and Joe with some friend in the middle.

    Leaving the island, we all got on the correct bus this year. (See the OTL stories from last year if you missed the point about correct buses). At the drop off point we headed to Beachcombers for yet another night of carousing. Tonight was the dancing night, and it got to be tremendously crowded. I managed to get my barstool and kept at the bar so my service of drinks would not be slowed. I had Joe the owner serving me most the night, so the drinks were very nice sized. I know we ended back at the hotel late that night with some pizza … and I fell asleep watching some movie.

    A gal from the bar on Saturday Night

    San Diego - Part 1 Pictures to start

    Before you get down below and I really embarrass myself, I am not a very good picture taker. My hands shake, I aim wrong, or I'm drunk - or all the above. Anyways, since I am not a good picture taker, I suck at getting a kodak moment, so I had to stage some of the pics.

    Here is the quick sign I made to have available for pictures.

    This is the main group of the guys at Beachcombers on Friday. Forgot about the mirror in the back - nice flash.
    Here are a few of the guys - Bill, Smitty, and Jan holding the sign.
    The last of the group arrived - Monty, Joe and Robert?
    The OTL store - where we got our shirts etc. This is early afternoon.
    The first girl shot I got for the weekend. Notice the program for 2007 in her hands below her...

    Thursday, July 19

    My big whoops!

    Damn! The crowd screams for pics! And I messed up... I got a bit drunk last night so I didn't take the time to d/l the camera yet. I will try to get that done tonight and have pics w/post tomorrow. Geez! Don't shoot the drunk!

    Vacation to San Diego (Part 1)

    Don called and said they would be by my place to pick me up in 10 minutes. So at 5:30am I was outside waiting, and they were there pretty quick. Don’s SO was riding with us, and was our reason for getting to the airport so early. A few of the wives and SO’s of the boys going to OTL were doing a separate trip to LA area for the theme parks. The ladies flight left about an hour earlier than Don & mine did. We found our gate, then a bar. Two large beers each later, we were ready to board. Everything was going smoothly, the flight left on time and a double-Jack later we were touching down, then heading to the outside to meet up with Don’s friend Scott from Vegas, who had flown in a half hour ahead of us.

    Geez! Just walking out the entry doors to the airport was like walking into a paradise. The temperature was 72 degrees per our pilot; the sun was shining, and the breeze coming off the ocean was just awesome. Man, a year was too long to be gone from this place!

    The first bummer (and I say first because when writing this, I had no idea what else would happen) of the trip came when the three of us got to the hotel. We had had reservations for like four rooms for several months now, but in that year, the hotel had changed some of their policies, and now no reservations were allowed into a room until after 1pm. Here it is 9:30am and we all have a carry on bag. We asked if we could leave the bags there behind the counter, and was told no, that they had done that for some other customers and now had no room. There were four other guys that flew out before us, and they had gotten lucky to leave their bags. Nothing better to do, we grabbed our bags, had a cab called, and headed for Mission Bay. We met up with Eric, OBJ, Joe, and a few others at the Sandbar, across from the coaster. The rest of our crew were driving in from Phoenix, and were about 2 hours away still. They gave me time to have a quick bloody mary and a bottle of Bud, and then we started the walk to the Beachcomber, about a half-mile down the road.

    One of the “virgins” of the OTL and youngest member of our party, Greg, was nice enough he bought all of us the first round at Beachcombers, and that set off the afternoon. Joe, the owner, poured my first drink, which was damn near a half pint of Jack (God bless this man!). As he was pouring my drink he made the comment, “I don’t let my staff pour them this much at a time, but you’re okay in my book drinking Jack straight up.” I tell you, the man knew the words to my heart. Sometimes my notoriety exceeds state lines, as Joe remembered me from the previous year, and the other guys, too. The last of our group finally showed up, and things really started to get moving.

    The boys started up rounds of 3-ball on the only pool table. I sat at the bar trying to get all these notes down, as I was sure to not remember most the way I was drinking. A couple rounds of Golden Tee were played, where I ended up the winner, the only with a negative score. Worst score was a +39, but we all knew that person couldn’t hit a ball anyways. (Note: remember this for later). After a couple good drinks, we all cabbed back to hotel to get our rooms. Most of us were put on the 2nd floor, though I requested 1st due to having a cane with me, and I knew the steps would be hurting me in the next day or two. I roomed with Smitty, which seemed to work out well. He never complained once about my snoring. After dropping luggage off, we again called cabs and headed out to Fiesta Island where the OTL is played. We spent time there buying programs, shirts, hats, etc and then enjoying some beers and tunes. I got lucky and left on the first cab group out (Eric & Jimmy). We went to the hotel, and then walked down to Red Lobster for dinner.

    After dinner, Eric & Jimmy headed to bed. I watched TV until Don & Smitty got back. They were headed down to the Red Lobster to eat, then wanted to go back out. I said I would wait for them. Five minutes later, Jan & Danny show up, and I left with them to head back to the Beachcomber. About an hour or so into partying, Danny & Jan had to leave, but Joe, OBJ and Greg had shown up, so I stayed drinking until late. I cannot even remember what time it was when I got back to the hotel. Smitty & I were having a smoke out side our non-smoking room, and security came by to inform us “Hotel rules require guests to be in their rooms at this hour”. SO they want us to smoke in a non-smoking room? He again repeated his sentence, so Smitty & I just waved him off, put out the smokes and went to bed. We knew that tomorrow we would be headed to Fiesta Island by 7:30am, and we would need our sleep.

    Wednesday, July 18

    Vacation to San Diego (Prelude)

    I figured I had this vacation trip all planned out perfectly. I had the proper attire, notebook, camera, necessary items, and the ever needed money! I packed compactly into a nice Crown Royal backpack I had, and set it by the door. I went over again the clothing I chose to wear the next day, and added the ball cap of my choice (Budweiser Racing for Dale Jr - one of my lovely girls picked this up at Nascar for me - thx Ginny!). I thought over last year, and what I wished I had brought, and added my cane to the pile. Yeah, between my hips, knees and back, I am a walking nightmare for long distances. I wanted to be prepared better than the crab-swaggle walk I performed last year.

    Okay. I am ready, I am pumped up, and it is only 9pm. I went ahead and headed to sleep, knowing I would be awakening at 5am to be sure I was up and ready when the ride showed up about 5.30. Need less to say, I didn't seem to sleep well. I tossed and turned probably caused for excitement and nervousness of going. I mean, heck, I was flying out on Friday the 13th. Either way, I awoke at the proper time and was ready when Don called and they were on the way to pick me up.

    Be prepared for the story about to come up. I am posting all parts here, and also on my story sight. Pictures will be edited in where needed - I was able to get SOME - not near as many as I wanted. I think I can get it pretty much completed in about 4 parts, but won't know for sure until I get there. Til then ....


    Wondering if I should be happy I am back ...

    Well, I wondered how much trouble Stu would cause, but I guess he did an alright job for his first time. He has his own blog now too, maybe that extra practice will help him.

    Obviously I have returned to the hell hole called Phoenix. San Diego never got hotter than 76 whilst I was there, and we flew back into 112 degree temp Monday. I was sweating before I got off the plane!

    I came in early to work today to see about getting things caught up and possibly getting some kind of a post in here from the trip, so I need to get some work done Hopefully will be back with more later.


    Sunday, July 15

    Tim McGraw

    I will try this again as I have already did once. I know my bro will be back soon, but here is something I would like to leave you all with. I've heard this song the last few days and just found out who it was from. Yes, I cry when hear it, and I am not ashamed. Here is the site. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7ixC-LYDGc Enjoy.


    Lookie here

    I know this is probably my last post her since my bro is due back. There has been this song on the radio that has been making me cry everytime I hear it. I want to share it with you. It is country, and it is by Tim McGraw. here is the link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7ixC-LYDGc Follow it and enjoy, and remember what others do for you. Thank you.


    Saturday, July 14

    Double Post

    Ok, so when my brother first asked me to take over his blog for a few days, I was thinking...hmmm, what stories can I tell. But after the first post, I had received a lecture from the Rev Mother. Darn, I forgot she read this. So, I have 2 short stories to tell.

    The first was back in the late 80's. I remember every year flying back to Indiana for the summer to visit relatives. This one particular time, my brother and I were at our Grandma's house in Indianapolis. It was just about the 4th of July time frame. Now we used to love these fireworks called Spinners, or maybe that is just what we called them. Spinners come in a pack like firecrackers. You can light it once and have them all go off. We used to believe, why light them all and be done in a few seconds, when you can light them individually and have fun longer.

    Now these spinners, what they do is they spin and shoot out different colored flares. Now to remind you, they are the size of firecrackers. What we used to do is light it and throw it in the air and watch it fly and take off. It was amusing. Well, My brother lit one, and it was green, I still remember. It flew up and came down, we lost sight of it. We are looking for it when all of a sudden I start screaming. The darn thing flew down into the back of my pants and ended its little spin cycle. I had that burn for awhile.

    So, the second story I have happened to me today. My sister and her family are out of town right now, so I am watching their dogs and cat to make sure they are fed and all. This morning I went over there and was looking for the cat. My sister's bedroom door was shut, which was odd, because I didn't shut it the day before. So I open and look for the cat. In the corner I see feathers and thought, ok, where is the feather duster the cat got a hold of. Didn't see one. I proceeded to the bathroom area. Now mind you, her bathroom is more like a rather large walk in closet.

    I go in the bathroom and this regular bird just starts flying around and starts coming after me. How the heck a bird got in the house, I do not know. After running out of the bedroom, I found the cat in the laundry room. So I just told the cat to take care of it and I'd be back. So I guess in a few hours, I will head back over there to see if the cat got it or if I need to take a sheet to get it out of the house so I can clean up the feathers and stuff.

    What luck

    Ok, so I didn't post yesterday, but not because of what day it was. Heck, I didn't even know what day it was until later in the day. Now I'm not superstitous or nothing, and Friday the 13th usually doesn't even bother me. However, yesterday was hell.

    First, on June 1st, my work overpayed me and I had to call payroll to take care of it. They said don't expect a check for the next few weeks. Cool, I'm ok with that. First week, no direct deposit, no paystub. I expected that. The following week, a check for $60. Good, I must have paid them off. The next few weeks I didn't get a check because I was on military leave. So the first week I expect a regular check...$100. I had to call payroll again, because I haven't had a real check since May.

    Come to find out that first week of no direct deposit and no paystub, somehow, my hours were the only ones not enetered to get paid that week. Needless to say, I finally had it rectified and was expecting 2 full checks yesterday...YAY. Of course, with my luck, I check my account and the money is there, but no available balance...and the bank was not open yet.

    First I called at 8am, there was a flag on my acct and I had to wait until 9am to call a different department. Now I am getting frustrated because of no pay for about a month, I have everything getting ready to get shut off. Needless to say, I finally got it resolved and got my money, but of course I am now broke after I pay the last person I borrowed money from. I hate living payday to payday.

    Thursday, July 12

    Leaving on a Jet Plane

    Today is my final day before leaving town. I see Stuman has made it here and is already starting to stir up stuff. All I go to say is I am going to have to fix his stories once I get back. There was more going on in the Playboy one than he let on. I think in his inebriation, he forgot several details.

    Anyways, I think I will share this e-mail I received first thing this morning from the Reverend Mother. I had a good snicker about it until I read the blog. HaHa ya Dumbass!

    STUMAN - Don't forget the Rev Mother reads the posts occasionally - I can't believe you called your children bastards. That is a no-no. You are to speak highly of your children if you want them to become someone with respect. You call them names and that is what they become.
    Love you

    I swear that is a direct quote, and she sent it to both of us. I guess I am in trouble (thoughmy name isn't mentioned) for letting him post here - I dunno. And to think I call my boys Buddy, Booger and QP ...

    Okay, I need to finish up here at work, and try to see if I can leave early. I have a Macadamia Nut Cookie care package to pick up to take tomorrow, plus getting everything together. Hope to have lots of pics and stories when I get back.


    Life in Iraq

    Here's a good one. Let me first tell you the truth before I go into the story. I had appendicitis...hence the scar on the belly....and I fell on my friends boat, hence the scar on the forehead.

    Now you know the situation.Here is the story:

    So there I was...heading down Tampa Bay supply route on a convoy. All of a sudden, an IED went off. Piece of glass from the shrapnel caught me in the forehead. I looked over at my buddy...he was hurt. I grabbed him and carried him off to the side of the road. As I ran, I climbed over a small dune and a young Iraqi came up and stabbed me in the stomach with a bayonet. My buddy grabbed his pistol. POP POP! Shot him down.Only reason I didn't get the purple heart...He turned out to be a friendly.

    That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!!

    Wednesday, July 11

    So it starts....

    Let me begin with a story... I remember when I was in 6th grade and my brother, Ralphd00d, wanted me to get a playboy. I went up to the nearest circleK with a note. "My name is Adam Barrier. I broke my arm/leg"(sorry, don't remember which it was) "Please give my son the newest Playboy magazine and a pack of Marlboro"...BTW at the time, Ralphd00d was a freshman....but you know what?...they did it...they stapled it in a brown bag and gave it to me...I ran back like a kid....which I was, and we enjoyed it...lol. However, like it usually ends...the stepfather came home for lunch, which he usually doesn't. The first drawer he opens....yup you guessed it...the Playboy is there. This MF'er rips it in half beginning with the spine..(which you and I know is hard to do) Without going too far in detail...we labeled this time in our life to a song by Kenny Rogers....Originally written by Lionel Richie.....called "LADY"

    Stuman begins....

    Before we begin this weekend, I am married, with 3 kids...an 8yr old, a 6 yr old and a 3yr old....little bastards. Anyways, my quest begins....

    Countdown (cont.) and Guest blogging

    One and a half days to go of work before the vacation starts. God I hate when it gets this close, because everything slows down until right before you leave - and then you realize you didn't have enough time to get everything you needed, so you rush things together and hope you don't have to get new stuff while on vacation. ::PHEW:: That's why I am trying to get packed and ready tonight. I hate doing things last minute.

    My little brother Stuman is going to Guest Blog for you whilst I am away from the keyboard. I am heading to his house tonight after work for some adult beverages and to show him how it is done. He sounded a bit apprehensive on the phone, probably worried about what he should or shouldn't say. Like the loving family member I am, I told him to write about whatever he wants - if I don't like it I'll flame his ass later! Can't you just feel the love?

    Anyone out there use this FireFox browser? I just downloaded it a couple days ago, and installed it on a mem-stick. For those out there that put up those YouTube videos, I can't watch them at work. Seems the admin took out the apps I needed to view them, and I don't have access to override the d/l to put them back. Well, with FireFox on the mem-stick, I plug in the USB, and now can watch them - plus it seems sorta nifty. Maybe that is just the new novelty of it. Back to the question I want to ask - Has anyone had problems with this application?

    Last night I felt really good, thanks to my oldest son. I had gotten home and was doing the regular - checking through the snail mail, listening to the wife as she was telling me how things went that day, checking schedules and times between the two of us. Well we finish up and my son sits down across from me, looks at me and says, " Dad, what do you do for work?"

    Now I know I have mentioned to the kids off and on over the years what I do, and they are always more interested in the physical therapy the Wife does, than my job. I can't blame them. I yell at people, and do a lot on the phone and computer. But I figure he's old enough to understand a bit better (he's 9) so I told him: "I work in the mortgage business, helping people save money, or save the home they are in, or get them extra money. Why are you asking all of a sudden?"

    "So, you don't really yell at people during the day?"

    "Well, maybe not all day long, every day. But yes, I do have to do that occasionally. Why"

    "Maybe when you get back from San Diego I can go to work with you one day while I am on summer break."

    "I don't think the office owners would mind that. You could bring your Gameboy and the dvd player because for you, my job is probably boring."

    So we have to pick a day once I am back that he can come to work with me. I am just surprised he would show interest in this field. More understandable if I were an officer or paramedic or something. Either way, it's one of those 'feel really fuzzy and good inside' feelings - I don't get them too often. To top off the convo, he had also asked about after work, if we could stop and have a drink and a game of Golden Tee. I tell you what, that boy is growing up just like his old man. ::insert Harry Chapin song here - 'Cat's in the Cradle'::

    Alrighty! My popcorn bag is now empty, so I guess lunch is over and I need to get back on to the stack of crap on my desk. I have been drained mentally by the end of the day this week. But it is nice to be busy again. Y'all smile a bit, and be sure to come on back when yanto. Much obliged ::hat tip::


    Tuesday, July 10

    Now it works...

    Well, hell. Blogger ain't working so properly right now. I can't seem to get a title to my post. I'll try it again later - mean times it's "Challenge has been accepted!" Yes, my one and only lil brother is going to guest blog here while I am outta town. Let's see what sort of shit he'll stir up.

    Two and a half more days of work. It is really starting to drag now. I am so anxious to get over where it is 30 degrees cooler than here, and a COOL breeze blows. The bloody marys in the morning, followed by lunch from the stand next door to BeachCombers, then more booze. And that is just part of the weekend.

    Okay I am off to see if I can find some material for you before the trip this weekend.


    Monday, July 9

    Busier than flies on shit

    At least that title says how I feel. Today has been nice and steady busy all day so far, and looks like it may carry til the stopping hour. It is nice for a change. I don't sit and stare at the clock every two minutes.

    Believe or not, nothing overly exciting happened this weekend. I won $50 in my Nascar pool for Kurt Busch coming in 3rd Saturday night. Some $$ is better than no $$ as they say. Then I turned around and spent like $70 yesterday whilst at the bar - not counting the games of Golden Tee I played. One of my buddies that had joined us up there even commented about this here blog and how my life has gotten boring since the beginning of this. SO I started thinking back to when I started B&B. I had to go back to my Livejournal account, then pull up saved files on my computer and I see that I started in Nov 2005 - I done missed my 1 year blogversary - not that I care, but then I started reading some of the content I wrote back then.

    Jan, you think now is boring to read, try back then. I would post like 3 maybe 4 lines of drivel. And that was only maybe 3 days a week rather than nearly everyday. So which is worst?

    Three more days of work then I am out of here for San Diego. Countdown has been going on for more than 3 weeks now, and I am anxious!! Been getting a lot of drinking practice lately, and plan to put it to good use. Any reading here from the San Diego area? Come down and party with me at Beachcomber's or Coasters on Old Mission Bay!!

    I am still waiting to see if Stuman will step up and guest blog for me this weekend. I thought it might be something he would like to do.... if not, maybe I can find someone else, or it will be dead for a few days. I do plan on coming home with some good stories and lots of pictures. After all - the beach, beer, and bikinis - what more would be better for here? AND I am making up those little signs they can hold saying boobiesandbeer.net. I am such a good marketer....NOT!

    Okay, I need to get more stuff done around here for today. Y'all have fun and check out some of the reads on my blog list. I give a return shout out to Mr. Fixit today as he works on his blog roll. E-mail me if you are in the San Diego area - ralphd00d@gmail.com or ralphd00d@aol.com and you can even write if you just want too. I ain't particular!


    Friday, July 6

    Ready to Roll On outta Here!!!

    Yes! Finally it is getting to be later afternoon and I am finally caught up on everything. This month is definitely going to be a better one for the bank account than the months previous! So after a midweek holiday, what more is there left to do on the weekend? Ohhhh, I think I am finding plenty.

    Tonight it is up at the usual hangout where the Men are making final arrangements for our trip to San Diego next weekend. That'll go half the night and drinking more after that. Tomorrow we have the Daytona race in the evening, so again, back at the bar to watch the race. Now that does mess up my Sunday a bit, however, I heard another place I frequent mostly in the evenings has a great FREE Sunday brunch. I may go check that out - not sure yet.

    Whilst I am out of town next weekend, I am sure this place will be slow. I think I might invite my brother to guest blog in here - see if he has the knack for useless chatter like me. Give him a 4 day job option and see what the Stuman can do..... I guess I will have to call him soon since I don't know how often he reads here - so if ya get this bro - call me! at a decent hour too.

    In the meantime, y'all have a good one. Huggers to them that deserve.


    The Weekend is getting ready to get started

    Whoa! What a 4th of July this year. I am still recovering from the effects. Thanks for the all the Happy 4th messages, and believe me when I say my heart hopes y'all had a wonderful one as well. I know in the past, this was one holiday our family always looked forward too, as it was a reunion of sorts back in the day.

    Anyways, just a short note to start today as I get back in the saddle of things. Myself, and my daughter were both sick yesterday - evidently from something that had sat out too long. So needless to say, yesterday was a day I would rather forget. I did straggle into work today, but still having some side issues. Fortunately, my desk is not overloaded and I should be able to get out a bit early today as well.

    I am off to get some more work done, and my reads. I will try to be back with more before the day is done.


    Tuesday, July 3

    Enjoy the 4th!

    Ahhhh! Eve of another holiday where I can sleep in and not have to work. Nothing in life feels as good as those kind of days. Added bonus for this holiday, is the only driving I need to do is to my sister's house in the afternoon, about 5 miles down the road. I don't even have to drive home, because I will have had too many refreshing drinks.

    Yup! Those are my plans pretty much. Probably climb on the roof to watch the fireworks later. Where my sister lives, you can see from a couple different places around town that perform. I think I will stay inside and enjoy another Jack and coke.

    So, y'all have a good one, and tell me how yers went when ya come back!


    Monday, July 2

    Imigration Post (or More Stupid Mofo's)

    Been hearing many things over the last year regarding illegals, and immigration, and amnesty laws,bills, want-to's, want-not's, and border control. I am all for border control. I am all for kicking them out as fast as they come in. Hell, shoot the bastards as they cross for all I care. Actually, I think that is damn near the best idea, if we could just catch the majority of them. Shoot 'em and let their carcasses build that wall. Yeah, pretty mean and cruel but I don't care. I'm tired of my tax monies going faster to care for them. It's bad enough that it is going fast for the baby-boomer age anyways.

    Anyways, my StepDad sent me this e-mail today, and I could not believe how literally STUPID this guy was answering questions. Now I don't know if this article is true or somebody's idea of making a point, so if it is fake, oh well. On to the article:

    Here is a REAL INTERVIEW with an illegal Mexican at a protest march in Texas trying to reason with an Illegal Mexican This is good! Below is a good example of a discussion with a master of circular logic. Don't be logical, don't respect the truth or your adversary, just say what you think makes a new case when the previous case gets too difficult to defend.

    On the streets of downtown Houston, May 1, 2006. Jim Moore reporting for a Houston TV station:

    Jim: Juan, I see that you and thousands of other protesters are marching in the streets to demonstrate for your cause. Exactly what is your cause and what do you expect to accomplish by this protest?

    Juan: We want our rights. We will show you how powerful we are. We will bring Houston to its knees!

    Jim: What rights?

    Juan: Our right to live here...legally. Our right to get all the benefits you get.

    Jim: When did you come to the United States?

    Juan: Six years ago. I crossed over the border at night with seven other friends .

    Jim: Why did you come?

    Juan: For work. I can earn as much in a month as I could in a year in Mexico. Besides, I get free health care, our Mexican children can go to school free, if I lose my job I will get welfare, and someday I will have the Social Security. Nothing like that in Mexico!

    Jim: Did you feel badly about breaking our immigration laws when you came?

    Juan: No! Why should I feel bad? I have a right to be here. I have a right to amnesty. I paid lots of money for my Social Security and Green Cards.

    Jim: How did you acquire those documents?

    Juan: From a guy in Dallas. He charged me a lot of money too.

    Jim: Did you know that those documents were forged?

    Juan: It is of no matter. I have a right to be here and work .

    Jim: What is the "right" you speak of?

    Juan: The right of all Aliens. It is found in your Constitution. Read it!

    Jim: I have read it, but I do not remember it saying anything about rights for Aliens.

    Juan: It is in that part where it says that all men have Alien rights, like the right to pursue happiness. I wasn't happy in Mexico, so I came here.

    Jim: I think you are referring to the Declaration of Independence and that document speaks to unalienable rights ... Not Alien rights.

    Juan: Whatever.

    Jim: Since you are demanding to become an American citizen, why then are you carrying a Mexican Flag?

    Juan: Because I am Mexican.

    Jim: But you said you want to be given amnesty ... To become a US citizen.

    Juan: No. This is not what we want. This is our country, a part of Mexico that you Gringos stole from us. We want it returned to its rightful owner.

    Jim: Juan, you are standing in Texas. After winning the war with Mexico, Texas became a Republic, and later Texans voted to join the USA. It was not stolen from Mexico.

    Juan: That is a Gringo lie. Texas was stolen. So was California, New Mexico and Arizona. It is just like all the other stuff you Gringos steal, like oil and babies. You are a country of thieves.

    Jim: Babies? You think we steal babies?

    Juan: Sure. Like from Korea and Vietnam and China. I see them all over the place. You let all these foreigners in, but try to keep us Mexicans out. How is this fair?

    Jim: So, you really don't want to become an American citizen then.

    Juan: I just want my rights! Everyone has a right to live, work, and speak their native language wherever and whenever they please. That's another thing we demand. All signs and official documents should be in Spanish. Teachers must teach in Spanish. Soon, more people here in Houston will speak Spanish than English. It is our right!

    Jim: If I were to cross over the border into Mexico without proper documentation, what rights would I have there?

    Juan: None. You would probably go to jail, but that's different.

    Jim: How is it different? You said everyone has the right to live wherever they please.

    Juan: You Gringos are a bunch of land grabbing thieves. Now you want Mexico too? Mexico has its rights. You Gringos have no rights in Mexico. Why would you want to go there anyway? There is no free medical service, schools, or welfare there for foreigners such as you. You cannot even own land in my country. Stay in the country of your birth.

    Jim: I can see that there is no way that we can agree on this issue. Thank you for your comments.

    Juan: Viva Mexico!

    Weekend review - or how boring was it?

    Well, the weekend is over, and yet here I sit at work having survived it all again. Seems my weekends are pretty much the same thing as the previous one, with small variations, if I am lucky.

    One of the friends helped me out Saturday, and charged the AC in my car. I have had this car for about 5-6 years and for the last 3 years, the AC hasn't worked. Fortunately, I only work about 10 minutes from home, so the heat isn't too bad for driving in AZ. Well, I don't know if it is just the car not having to work the AC in so long, but yesterday, it seemed to start working, and cooling down. But as of this morning - nada. So I will try again this evening as I am driving a bit further for the bar. It doesn't need to be icy cold, but comfortable would be good. Enough that I don't have sweat running in my eyes. If this doesn't work, I guess I will start looking for another vehicle.

    July 4th is this week, so I am sure my posting will be a tad slower than usual. Work should be picking up a bit, just to accomodate the day off this week. Then next week I am gone to San Diego! Y'all have a good Monday, and let's see if we can get something to write about tomorrow.


    Hmmm, quick post so far ...

    How smart are you?

    taken from JB on the Rocks