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It's been awhile. I almost missed being here. I say almost, because, for once in my life, I was doing the right thing. The 'right thing' as I see it is spending the time I have with my family. Yes, I can see many of you agree, it is a great and noble thing to do. Why waste your time here, when you have those things to do....

Which brings me back to here.... it feels like home.

In the last month, and maybe some more days than that, I have devote myself back to the family unit. Back to being more in the daily life of my children than I had been before. Trying my best to be more of a father than I had been before. Sounds pathetic, in a sense doesn't it? Why would I have to be more of one, if I was a good one before?

Simple answer. I wasn't/weren't/ain't the good father I thought I was....

No. None of the children are in welfare. None are in danger in our home. None are beaten senseless in drunken rages, or abused in physical way. And as I see it, none are verbally abused either....

Best place to start, they always say, is at the beginning...... I like to drink.

You'd think drinking is bad enough, but that is what I do... now. And even that is being controlled by me. How much you can trust an alcoholic? Well, my Wife trusts me. That trust has done wonders.

But, that's not the home problem. It's about growing old. Or for some, growing older.

I am a 38 year old male, who loves his High School Sweetheart, (whom I married) and we have had 4 WONDERFUL children together. My extremely talented daughter (18) and the three boys (11,7, 4). That's if I got their ages all correct. I am not a stickler for that.

Last night, there was an altercation. Mom and the daughter were in another room, and the all I heard was the daughter 'sassing back' to her mother. Strictly my interpretation of it. So I verbally broke in, and told daughter to not speak to her mother that way.

From there, it went to hell.

I have an 18 year old daughter telling both her parents to "fuck off" (yes Reverend Mother, exact words of your 'Princess') and not listening to anything. It's all about her. Let the police show up and take everyone to jail, because she can be out of this house.

Gotta love that. In fact, it sounds so good, I should have a PBR in my hand, and live in Kentucky!

Needless to say, the Wife and I are at wits end. The Daughter graduates in June, and is going to U of A in Tucson. We have told her for years, she gets R&B there, plus whatever else we can help pay over what grants/scholarships she gets.

It's all true. But to me it ain't right. The Daughter still has what they call here, 'Early Hour' band practices. So, she still needs to be driven to school early, before regular hours. This week, the Wife has vacation - one of those job things. Use it or lose it. This is her week she took to get it used.

So, after last night's 'fiasco', I awake and find a letter from the daughter. After reading it, I assume it is an apology from the 'fit' she had the night before. No, it is a letter placing blame on every family member for her problems, and total blame on me, for how she has become a failure in life.

The letter stated that *I* did not: support her choir concerts, her band concerts, the marching band activities, the theatrical plays, the class plays, in short... everything she has extracurricular in HS. True, I have not been to all of them. And the important ones, like the seniors walk at last home game.... she verbally said she did not want me to walk with her.

If this don't sound like a bad 'redneck' family, you tell me!

Tonight... I went to a bar. I drank. More than I have in over a month. I waited purposefully, before coming home. I wanted all the kids in bed. I said ALL.Especially the daughter, tonight. I asked my loving Wife, if the daughter and her had talked about the 'letter'. No.

(sigh)

I don't know how ot phrase it, but I have had the WORST kind of things happen in my life, been presented with the WORST sort of situations, and SUFFERED the consequences of my actions.... but this instance with the Daughter... I am at a loss.

I gave up on Christ years ago. I gave up on believing in family about the same time. My self belief - heh, I question it at the most important times. My Wife, who has been there through it all, has been the one thing I don't question.

So, what do I do?

(sigh)

I ain't really asking for no one's opinions..... just getting shit off my chest I guess.

Like the song says... 'God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy".

Good luck to the fucker that can figure my life out. Call me if ya do.

PeacE