Stages

Scotty B, one of my best friends, once said that life is just a stage. Not a period, but a performance stage, and in his reference, he was the star. Everyone else was a secondary role, or less, depending on the type of interaction in his life. I don't know if I understood his meaning back then (a few years ago) or even if I completely understand it now.

I don't think I live my life like the example above. I tend to want to stay out of the spotlight. Not that I am turning down any time to "shine", just that I am more like a cog on the wheel, that just keeps on doing my part in the grand scheme of things.

I'm not sure where I was going with all of that. Stages. I was thinking more about the stages of grief, and depression, or addiction. It seems in recovering from any of these (and possibly other things I can't think of off the top of my head) there are always these "stages" that everyone seems to go through. I don't know what they all are, but I have been experiencing them, and recognizing some of them, as things progress since the passing of my friend Don. At first I was indifferent, then sad, and now I am starting to get into the anger phase. One I am not really wanting to experience, as sometimes, I can't control my temper. And most of that anger I feel, isn't at God, or even at Don, or his death. It's more centered toward certain people, and their actions in regards to the whole of Don's passing. Part of it is not knowing the answers to certain things. Frustration at all of it.

Sigh. Frustrated because I am frustrated. Irritated that I irritated. Angry ... because I feel angry. Seems senseless seeing it typed out that way, but I guess that is what happens when things get skewed and unbalanced.

Tomorrow, what started out as a small gathering of those that knew Don, is taking place. It has been turned into more of a circus (my opinion) thanks to the actions of certain people. Which is where some more of my anger is directed. Even now I still shake my head and say, "Just what the hell were they thinking?" 

Either way, I plan on tomorrow being a good closure to it all for me. Not saying I won't still feel some lose and missing him feelings, just ... closure. I think I need it.

PeacE