Friday was a long day. Not only did my regular job take a bit longer, that night I was covering a shift for one of the bouncers at the pub.Friday was also the day my buddy Don took a turn to the worse. Seems his health had deteriorated so bad that day, they moved him to hospice that evening. A couple people I knew had been in to see him, and told me how bad he looked, and that I should get there to see him. But I had to finish work first. All night I debated with myself, if I should go see him or not. Word was he was incoherent due to the morphine. By then end of the shift came, I had decided I would go, and I got there about 3 am.
Fifty minutes later, he passed away. Was he hanging on, waiting for me to get there? I don't know. His girlfriend said she believes it, and it just makes me feel guilty. To think he held on waiting for me, so because I hadn't gone and seen him sooner, everyone, including himself, had to suffer? I don't like to think that.
I spent most of the weekend with my family, avoiding having to deal with people. Though Sunday I did go down to the pub to watch the Redskins win (a win for Don!) and saw a few people there. Dread going into work today. Don had gotten me this job, and he had been with this company several years. Many of the techs he has worked with for even longer with other companies, through mergers, etc. I have a feeling, that prior to getting to start my route, it is going to be a long day. I'm trying to time it so I am not early (like usual) and right on time, to avoid as much extra chatter as possible.
Have I dealt with all my grief? Probably not. I just don't want to be dealing with it in public.