I have been somewhat pissed off most of this week. I blame my daughter for 98% of it. I am tired of the "I am 18 and can do what I want, whenever I want" crap. For once I am actually, truly looking forward to her being away at college. The sooner the better.
I have bitched before about how her attitude and lack of responsibility; her 'I don't care about your rules' attitude; the way she blatantly defies all the guidelines we have in place, though they provide her with leniency, compared to the boys. And whenever we try to correct her it on the issue, it is nothing but her yelling at both the Wife and I, calling us names, slamming doors, refusing to even converse - like the adult she is supposed to be becoming. I got a note she wrote on my computer keyboard yesterday. I refuse to read it. That is not a conversation, that is someone telling me only their side, and not allowing our input. Chickenshit is what I call it.
At first I always stood my ground, no matter what. Then after discussing some of these problems with friends, they made me re-think some things. She is 18, why not give her more freedom - quit feeling like I am controlling everything - let her bury herself in her mistakes. So, I have been trying that. I say trying, because it doesn't seem to be working too well. I am tired of her attempting to 'walk over us' and just DO what she wants, no matter what - and I am referring to just things at home, not what she does outside of it. No, I will not allow her to scream and yell at her brothers just because she is having a bad day. No, the computer time limit (not past midnight) is still in effect - and the excuse "I am working on scholarship information' isn't flying because for the past 3 hours I have seen you do nothing but chat with friends on Facebook.
I am *supposed* to take her in for her driving test this next week as she has never bothered to follow through and get her license (she has had the opportunity since she was 16). I know I am tired of running her around, but that is not going to change even after that. We cannot afford to add her to the insurance. But the Wife is debating buying her a car... I don't get it. She treats us like shit, calls us names, tells us to Fuck off, and we are assholes, and we don't understand... and I am always the bad guy no matter what... and the wife wants to get her a car... Hell no.
I am just so frustrated. And depressed. I know I am not the greatest father. Never pretended to be. But what am I doing wrong? I am not giving up on the rules of our house. They were set for a reason. I make leeway on some, depending on their age, and the reason for the leeway. Is that not enough? And I start to hate myself because I truly just want to write her out of our lives. It would seemingly make things so simple.
That's not the right thing to do. I know that. But I do wonder where do I draw the line, and just tell her to get the hell out of my home, the one she is causing problems with, to us as parents, to her brothers by example, and just embarrassing us (wife agrees), as her 'second face' is given to all her friends, and to family, so they have no clue what is going on.
Sigh. Even just giving up seems not worth it.
PeacE
2 comments:
Wow. My oldest hasn't even turned eleven yet and I feel I am in the same about, but I know I am not. Only a little bit more time. You know how it was for us. Once we left home, we started appreciating the things our parents did for us. Well, at least me anyways.
Ralph, I say stand your ground. Rules are needed even though even I hated it at 18. If she doesn't like it, she can move...just like we ALL did. Then she can find out how the "Real World" is. I see the faces she shows us and I know how she treats your family. In "my opinion", you and Del give her TOO MUCH financially. She is a smart girl. Let her figure it out like I did. She is NOT going to be independent by giving her everything she wants/ needs. You have provided the basics and shold continue until she graduates. After that, you are NOT responsible. I know Del wants to help out with the car...but Bethany needs to help, too. Why not go "half" on a car? At least that would give her SOME responsibility. If she can spend over $100 at the Renassaince Festival, it wouldn't hurt her to save up for a car. Besides, she may get graduation money soon.
Stu- I don't know what you are doing cuz there is NO WAY an 10-11 year old should be starting with an attitude this early. I will talk/preach to you more next Sunday.
Not saying my kids are perfect...I'm terrified of what is to come. But there is nothing wrong with having rules. If ya don't believe me, call up Grandma Smith. I'm sure she had challenges with five boys!
Love you both!
Sis
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