Nerves of Aluminum

Yesterday was a nice day in our desert Valley. Had just a touch of rainstorm come through, so temperatures were lower than 100... maybe into the 80's even. My son's concert was nice, and my daughter made it up from college for the the end of it. We picked up some pizzas and had a nice family time at home last night. Today, she heads back after her orthodontist appointment, but will be back Friday afternoon.

I made that phone call yesterday. The one to schedule a visit with my doctor. It has been so long since I was seen by him, my regular doc I mean. So long in fact, he is now in practice with his son. So long, that they said my charts were in long-term storage (pre-computer storage even). So, obviously I will be a new patient for them. Or rather, for his son, my new doctor.

I am nervous already. I think like everyone I dread to hear things I won't like. No one likes to hear just how bad their health is, or the possibly extreme changes to fix what may be wrong. Well, unless you have like a seemingly life-changing event like a heart attack and 4-way bypass surgery - or like my Sis, a bone marrow transplant - or any transplant for that matter.

I don't want to hear I am overweight - though I know I am. I don't want to hear I need to diet and exercise. That I need to stop eating large amounts of the wrong types of foods/drinks - not stop altogether. Moderation is probably the largest part of it all.

I don't want to hear that I need more 'strenuous' exercise. I use that "S" word, because walking further than from my car to the bar door is exercise for me. Yes, I hurt walking longer distances... the knees and lower back ache, and usually the hip as well. All could be factored because of my weight. Lose the weight, maybe they won't hurt, or as much.... or we could find out what more specifically is wrong (ie. arthritis, bad joints, etc.) and treat better.

Quit smoking. Heh. I smoke less now than I did 10 years ago. Yes, that is good. Stopping altogether would be better, true. I know I will hear that one as well.

So what we have so far? Weight, no smoking, more exercise. Oh, this sort of goes with the weight thing to, but no (or alot less) drinking alcohol. That's 4 major things, and I haven't even spoken or seen the doc yet. Four things I don't want to hear about, but know I am going to have to hear. Know that I am going to have to change if I want the next visit not possibly be by ambulance at the hospital.

(sigh)

What else do I worry about in regards to this doctor visit? Family Medical History. I need to be checked for Diabetes. It runs pretty wide-spread in both branches of my family tree above me, and even next to me. Easily treated... maybe by pill, or even at worst, injections. Minor things in this day and age, unless I don't treat it - if I have it.

What else? Well, it may be minor, but I have this patch of skin something-or-other on one of my knees. Looks like psoriasis, and has been there for several years, and actually grown in size over that time. I have tried over the counter stuff for it, with little or no results. Could this a possible cause of that knee hurting? It is the one that aches more.... psoriatic arthritis I have read about. Or however it is spelled. I need to have it looked at.

What other worries? Everything I can't explain away fearlessly or easily. Blood work - what if something drastic is found? I am not worried about things like HIV, but yet that small thought lingers. What about other blood-related/carried stuff?

Has all the drinking I have done over the years totally fucked my liver, and is it still working ok? What about my prostrate? Oh boy. I mean, I haven't felt any problems there, and it still seems to be working fine regularly and sexually. Do I need to have a colonoscopy done to to check for polyps? I mean, that department seems to be working fine too... least, I ain't noticing anything wrong. And would I notice something wrong excluding, say, major bloody discharge or pain?

Yeah, I am nervous. Am I worrying about too much being found wrong, or whatnot. Probably - more than likely. Does that help me feel any better. No. It's only Tuesday. Appointment is Friday morning. Half the stuff I probably won't know right away - bloodwork can take some time.

Four more days to worry. Four more days I am not drinking, though I want to more now because I worry. Yeah, alcoholic talking there. Doing my best (and I will do it) to not drink so can have the best blood sample to provide with no BAC (Blood Alcohol Content - for those not knowing) to worry about as well.

Are you going to be here Friday afternoon? After I get out of the appointment, and home to update? OR are you going to wait til Monday, and read about what plans were made over the weekend to start fixing what the doc says needs work? Ooooo..... suspense and possible excitement, huh?

PeacE