I have quite a bit of angst today. Like how I used that big sounding word? I even looked up the definition so I would know what it meant, and to use it properly. The only sad part, is that I did use it properly.
My buddy Smitty has been having medical issues this year. He has been in and out of the hospital, back and forth between there and the rehab facility, for seemingly months on end. Seems every time he is close to being released to go home from rehab, something happens and he is returned to the hospital, then back to rehab a few weeks later once everything is "cleared up" and whatnot. He returned to the hospital again last week, not sure why, but he was back in the ICU and on a ventilator. I got an update from his partner that he is still there, with double pneumonia. He seems to get that every time he gets returned to the hospital.
Anyways, to my angst... Another buddy of mine, and I, are supposed to meet up today to go see Smitty. Probably around the noon hour, depending on his work schedule. Either way, I have not slept good last night, and this morning my stomach is churning with dread. I don't do hospitals well. I think much of it is the memories of seemingly being there all the time when Dad was ill, and of course, he passed away while in the hospital, too. Even when my kids were born, I never stayed for a long time in the room with the Wife. I would leave and come back a couple hours later. She knew my feelings about hospitals, and wanted more rest anyways, so it worked out. I had been to see Smitty a couple times while he was in the rehab facility, and that doesn't bother me 'as bad', though both times I didn't stay much longer than 30 minutes or so. Maybe it is that whole.... environment... that bothers me so.
I don't know. I just been trying to make excuses all morning to NOT go, and keep arguing with myself that that is just being selfish. Sometimes I wish my morals/ethics weren't where they are.
PeacE
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