Not Sure What To Do

It's 3am. That in itself should tell you what I consider obvious....that I am home from the pub recently. Though, that one sentence, you could probably tell from syntax errors... then again, maybe not. Perhaps I will make more use of that spell check feature. I dunno, as it seems, those underlined in red words are prevalent. But I fixed 'em.

As I sipped my umpteenth beer, and sipped from my (at the time) second shot of Jack, I wondered. Though the things I wonder about may not interest you, the reader here, but still I wondered. Actually, I re-addressed things I felt so insecure about. Employment. Ability to pay the bills. Are my children really that naive about what we, as parents, do to make life what it is....

Sigh. Right now, I sit here resting my forehead in my right-hand palm, this I do that more than I do anything else. It is a comfortable pose for me, it seems. It's one I take, when I don't know what to do.

I've always said that I am an alcoholic. There are different kinds, and though what I consider mine, is more...different; I am still an alcoholic. In the past couple months, believe it or not, I feel it has been more under control. Yeah. That coming from me.... sounds fishy (for family that may read here) but true. Like any addiction, I feel that a 'clarity' comes to me, when I partake. I always wish I had a notebook when it happens to me, and I never have anything available to write things down upon... and that may be a good thing. I am honestly scared what it would actually say, though the thought behind it sounded like a good thing.

Aside from all that, ... yeah, see. What was that great idea? Do I even have the briefest moment to put it (them) on paper... to even retain it (them) as a good thought... no. Were they great ideas...thoughts... ? I don't know. Things that could possibly change the world for a possible better & brighter future, from what I see...? Yea. Sure could have been.

But, I lost that train of thought.....

PeacE