A Joke for Wednesday

WARNING: if you are offended in any way, shape or form, from any content listed here, you shouldn't be here anyways. But regardless, the following is a racial joke and if you can't handle it - leave. I don't have the time to waste arguing with your dumb ass.

A zebra dies one day and meets St. Peter at the Golden Gates.

"St. Peter," says the zebra, I have always wanted to know, am I white with black stripes or black with white stripes?"

"I cannot answer that question for you, but enter into Heaven and ask God when you find him, says St. Peter.

So the zebra enters Heaven and has a wonderful time walking around. After awhile he comes across God and approaches him with his question.

"God, would you tell me what I am. Am I white with black stripes or black with white stripes?"

God looks down, smiles and says "YOU ARE WHAT YOU ARE."

The zebra thanks God and wanders away to think it over and define the wisdom of God's words. After some time, he comes across St Peter again.

"Did you find God and ask him your question?" asked St. Peter.

"Yes, I did. But I still cannot determine whether I am white with black stripes or black with white stripes."

"Well," asks St Peter," what was the words of wisdom God gave you?"

"He said 'YOU ARE WHAT YOU ARE' and nothing else."

St Peter scratches his chin for a moment. "Well there you have it. You are white with black stripes."

"But St Peter," exclaims the zebra. "How can you determine that from that small phrase?"

"Easy. If you were black with white stripes, God would have said 'YOU IS WHAT YOU IS."


Man, I never get tired of telling that joke. Of course, that leads right into my other favorite joke:


Two morticians were working on a body one day when one turns to the other and says "You should have been here yesterday."

"Why is that?" the other asks.

"This girl had a clitoris that was like a pickle!"

"It was green and bumpy?"

"No. It was sour."

You just have to love sick shit like that. I love when I tell them and everyone just groans. Must be some kind of characterism that is twisted in me.. or maybe not.

So what is the exciting thing going on today? Nada. Been chatting the last half hour (and still in process) with a future Sis-in-law possibly. My brother ScottyB up in MT has proposed recently to a lady in NM. So she and I have been emailing, and now, texting thru messenger for the past week or so. She sure seems to be a nice gal, and has a good sense of humor. At least she laughs at my jokes - maybe she is just being polite. you figure it out. Either way, they are working on tings to see if it is going to work out. That is some good news.

What else? Oh, I lost in poker again last night. About the 7th hand, I decided I just didn't feel like playing, so I went "all-in" and lost. I went back to the bar and finished Jonathan Kellerman's "Dr. Death" and went home.

Got up this morning and made it to the gym for a workout. My calves were finally back to feeling normal, but I went easy and did the upper body and only rode a couple miles on the bike. They finally got a scale there and so I weighed myself. Now when I first started all this stuff, it was November. I weighed in at 325 pounds, and had a waist of 56 inches (at the navel level, not were most guys wear their pants). Today, I weighed in at 310 and I know I have lost at least 3 inches off the waist. Since Nov, I also have dropped a shirt size (no more XXX sizes - not movies though), I have punched holes in the belt twice - about ready for another one. My shoulders and arms definitely show that they are starting to get a bit toned-up. Damn, I feel good about that! I might be under 300 by Summer!! Time for a new Speedo!!! NOT!

Welp, I guess this is enough BS to keep ya going for a bit. I am off to heat up lunch - some pasta concoction the Wife made last night. Smelled okay when I opened the container this morning, so I took it. Y'all have a good one and come back sometime!

PeacE