Saturday, January 5

Talk About Being Messed Up

Yesterday I was a bit pissed. I even mentioned about why I was, that incident about having to sit with my FIL last night. And because I was feeling the way I was - put out, stuck with having to do it - I was giving the Wife the brush-off, showing her I was angry at her for her seeming lack of interest in how things affected me. All she got from me was one word answers, if I couldn't do a head shake yes or no, and as soon as they were back, I left for home and bed. When they got home maybe an hour later, I was in bed trying to go to sleep, which eluded me for a couple hours since my mind was constantly reeling through how I felt about the whole thing, and why I should or should not be feeling as angry as I was.

I wrote a post some time back about obligations and guilt that I was feeling at the time. Much of that was running through my mind last night as I lay in bed, too. Overall I think it just added to what confusion I was having already. After tossing and turning in bed for two hours, thoughts roiling over the whole situation, add to it the emotional roller coaster....sigh. I finally just gave up. I refuse to feel guilty about it. I refuse to feel obligated. I am still a bit angry ... maybe not so much angry, but more irritated. Either way there is nothing I can do about it now except bitch, which won't change anything about last night, and would probably just cause more hurtful things to be said, or happen. Definitely it seems to be one of those no-win situations.

So, late night to bed, add in some restlessness during the night interrupting sleep, by 7:30'ish this morn, I am up, and feeling tired. I may end up taking a nap later today.

Hope your Saturday is going well.


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