Losing The Battle

I am taking a moment to talk about my FIL tonight, rather than the morning, as I have no clue as to what/where I will be.

As I mentioned before, my FIL has battked Parkinson's for the past few years. In that struggle, his health has deteriorated, lost his ability to communicate, and all of his mobility. Thursday, after noticing his breathing was more labored and raspy/croupy sounding, we found out he had what they described as mild pneumonia. A prescription antibiotic was given. Friday, his breathing was worse, and he was admitted to one of the local hospitals. Dad's Living Will called for a DNR, and if treatment was needed, it was to be non-invasive. At least, that is how I understand what was told to me. The hospital had to put him on IV's and a BPAP machine to assist in breathing. As of this morning, he had not been asleep for over 24 hours, and the Wife had the impression it may be that he was scared to sleep - of not being able to wake up again.

Either way, we spent the day at the hospital, excluding a side trip for me to pick up the boys from school, and the family made a decision to go with a 'comfort care' program with a hospice. Basically meaning all machines IVs etc would be removed, and if he able to be transported, would go to a hospice facility, where they would administer whatever drugs needed for comfort, and basically, he would be comfortable until he passed. The doctor said that once removed, he did not expect my FIL to last the remainder of the day. It was about two hours ago (from now) that they removed everything, and he was still holding on, though had "relaxed" a bit due to the morphine they gave him. The Wife is there with most of the family, waiting for him to pass pretty much.

Obviously the tears have been flowing from the family, especially the Daughter, Wife and MIL. I am a bit mixed about it all. I have been on edge due to lack of sleeping well (the Wife being gone at night) and trying to get what needs done, done. I have been through the passing of a parent, and understand it is an emotional thing. Today I spent the day trying to support the Wife, being that shoulder for her. In some ways I feel I have been an asshole, my apathy for such things taking over. Maybe it is just my way with dealing with it. I don't know.

Life is going to be shitty for awhile, so don't be surprised if I can't any dumb posts up for you to ignore.

PeacE