I just realized I have posted like 2 or 3 times today. I couldn't beleive I had that much fodder in the mental department to work out. Well as I wind out my last 45 minutes of the workday, we'll through some humor your way. I deleted some #'s as I didn't agree with what they said, but most of these ring fairly true.
The Asshole Bill of Rights
As an ASSHOLE, I proclaim the following:
#1 I will live my life the way I deem fit, screw political correctness.
#2 I have the right to choose my religious path if I choose one at all.Christianity be damned.
#3 If I want to eat a cow, I will eat a cow.
#4 I have the right to hang up on telemarketers midsentence and not havetoworry about whetheror not I was polite.
#5 If I think someone's an idiot, I will tell them they're an idiot.
#6 I have the right to tell children that their parents aren't raisingthemcorrectly. (Think of howmany times you've been at a supermarket and heard a screaming child theentire time...whatexactly would you want to say that'd be any nicer?)
#7 If you don't know what you're talking about, shut the hell up
.#8 You may have the right to speak, but I don't have to listen to you
.#9 If I want to be rude, loud, and obnoxious, it's a free country.
#10 If I want to go to a bar, destroy my liver with alcohol, clog myarteries with junk , and have unsafe sex with the woman/man I just met, I ought to be able to smoke while I'm at it.
#11 I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can go to Jenny Craig.
!#13 Denis Leary should be proclaimed God and given reign over society.
#14 Your daughter just got drunk at a party, made a slut of herself, andyou're worried about my religious beliefs?
#15 Before you tell me how to run my life, be certain that your own is squeaky clean.
#16 Just because you work at McDonald's doesn't mean you have an excusetohave an I.Q.under twelve.
#17 (Courtesy of George Carlin) Just because you're a student does notmeanthat you're anymore enlightened than someone that works at Blockbuster.
#19 If you're stupid enough to give me credit, deal with theconsequences.
#20 It's ignorant to charge someone $25 if they bounce a check for $5.(If Ididn't have the $5,what makes you think I'm going to have $25 you retards!!)
#21 If you don't like the way I drive then at the next red light get outfrom under my car.
#22 If your dog or cat is so smart, then why do you talk to it like it'sanewborn baby?
#23 If I shoot you while you're committing a crime, and you try to sue me for it, I'll shoot you again.
#24 Courtesy of Ben Franklin: Anyone who would give up freedoms and liberties for temporary security deserves neither freedom or security.
#25 If you live in Tornado Alley, don't whine when you get hit by a tornado.
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